My wife discovered she is gay

Hi all,

So my wife had been going through a really hard time a few months ago from deep seated trauma resurfacing, and turned to lots of intense therapy to help process everything. She made huge strides, and is generally more positive and healing from a lot of old wounds. Unfortunately, she also uncovered that deep down she is gay (her words). I've always known she is attracted to women, but this caught me off guard. I thought she was truly out of the closet already (being bi/pansexual), but it seems that she hadn't gotten all the way to her core truth.

I have to say that I love this woman with all my heart, and she feels the same. In some ways, we'd been becoming less physically intimate over the last year or so, but our communication and other relationship aspects have kept getting better. We've helped each other become happier and lead fuller lives together, and the heartbreaking thing is that we now won't be continuing on the path together any more.

What makes it particularly tricky is that we recently moved overseas, and have built our home base together in a new country. We don't want to rush into just separating, so we're vagually planning next January as the time that she will move back to her home country. It's just so hard though - living with someone you love, but not someone you have a future with romantically any more. It sucks. I want to start setting boundaries for acceptable behavior between us, because I think the separation will be harder if we keep behaving how we have been. If anything, she has been more cuddly and close since she has had the realisation, as if her mental barriers having dissolved make it easier to just enjoy intimacy for its own sake. This is so hard for me though, because more intimacy makes me feel closer and more attracted to her again after feeling myself growing distant for some time.

Do any of you have experience finding ways to gradually create boundaries around affection? or do you think the "bandaid"approach is best, to just stop being close completely? I think just because of the nature of our relationship, that a more gradual distancing is a better way to go (we haven't touched in a sexual way since she told me but we have still been kissing and hugging.... it feels so weird not to). We're each other's best friends and still hold so much love, but ultimately I think it'll hurt me more in the long run to just keep this closeness going.