Need to end this unending chain of toxic relationships

People are just fickle and too complex to get along and honestly I'm surprised about the relationships that DO work out

@Anxiouskitten23

I've been seeing this guy for about 8 months now. It was long distance at first as he was working in another country. When we started dating, he was pretty nice. He would texted me all day, call me up, skype with me and things seemed good. We connected I thought. (This is the honey moon phase, where both people are still trying to get to know each other, people begin to develop love each other, so both people usually put their best foot forward, and everything is so new excited) He was unhappy with his job and hated it in that country, and I was understanding and supportive and would listen. I even flew down to meet him and spent a month with him in his apartment. (Great job! at supporting him, this is very caring, sweet and amazing from you. You did great here. On this situation he was unhappy because a lot of things were not working out, men are very driven, they need a purpose so if he hates his job then he is going to withdraw and not feel happy overall.)

He was unhappy with his job and his life in the country. He became suicidal at one point and would tell me he was going to kill himself. I remember staying up all night texting him, telling him it would all be okay, and that he would be back home soon. (Your devotion, care, and kindness is amazing, i could tell you care for this person so much, I could tell you tried your best here, it must had been tough for you to hear all of this). He seemed short tempered but I always let it go because I knew he was already going through a lot. This went on for on couple of months. My friends told me to end this relationship because it was becoming more of an emotional suck. But I kept making excuses for him and telling myself things would change. But they didnt.(Usually is okay to be there for him for an amount of time, but after that it becomes tough on you to handle this, because what he is going through can be overwhelming, and can affect you in so many ways, and he is putting stress on the relationship, specially if he is losing his temper at times. In here you were very caring and understanding, and hoping he would change)

Last month he moved back home. I thought things would be better now that we're in the same city! But things are worse now. He doesn't call or text back, rarely does want to meet or go out. (It sounds like he became withdrawn, isolating himself, and stopped putting the same effort he used to put before).I thought there was someone else in his life and was cheating on me, but that's not the case. He says he hasn't figured out his life yet and that's why he can't be his normal self again. (If a man doesn't have a purpose or is unsure about it then he will often fall into sadness and feeling not worthy, after all men are about a purpose, and they need one to be happy etc, and also he was going through so many things here, and I could tell he kept them inside for a long time)

He's made it very clear that he can't make any long term commitment to me because he's commitment phobic, but I always thought maybe things would change his mind sooner or later and want to commit.(This part tells me that he is abit afraid of commitment, like it scares him for some reason). He's not very expressive and gets abusive at times, but then also at the same time says he loves me and he can't do anything about his personality.(This part tells me that for some reason he is not able to communicate, which means it puts stress on the relationship, and the abusive part is something you didn't deserve at all after all you did for him, he loses his emotional self control here). He says he has issues because his parents didn't love him as a child and his father was an alcoholic. Apparently his parents always fought and that disturbed him deeply. (This is where he learned his way, he is emulating what he saw from his parents, because for him this is all normal and healthy, so thats how he behaves in all his relationship, he was conditioned to be this way from an early age).

He doesn't like to discuss issues, and it feels like he absolutely doesn't care if I'm upset or hurting. I cant focus at work, I have become a bundle of nerves.(This part tells me he doesn't how to communicate, uses logic and reason when you are trying to communicate with him, so it makes you feel like you are not heard and understood, and it causes stress on you with the way he is behaving) I tried to meet him and tell him how I felt, but he didnt show much interest. So I texted him telling him I was breaking up with him. And guess what, he didnt even reply. (Sorry to hear this, you didn't deserve to be ignored here).

I know this relationship has no future and its really bad for me, but the very thought of being rejected, kills me. What did I do wrong? I was a good girlfriend. Why did things turn out this way? It's one toxic relationship after another. I need help. (You didn't do anything wrong, you have been a great and caring girlfriend, however he is bringing and causing drama in the relationship, he is not willing to communicate, he gets withdrawn so in essence it cause you stress and worry with the way he behaves. You were a great girlfriend overall!)

@Anxiouskitten23

I'm sorry you're going through this. Dating is tough. I think the toughest part about dating is how you have to be vulnerable with another person and you have to take risks. There are so many reasons why a relationship might not work out that have nothing to do with you, but you don't know that until after you've taken that leap of faith. Honestly, it sounds like he's just not in the right place to have a healthy relationship. That's not your fault.