Not wanting to let go?
My ex girlfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up 2 months and one week ago. During the first 45ish days after the breakup I was completely devastated. Now I feel I am starting to get better and my feelings and thoughts of her are changing a bit towards acceptance. I stopped looking for answers, repeatedly vieweing past events in my head, having obssessive thoughts, blaming myself, started with therapy, etc. Yes, I feel sadness for the end of the relationship, but I am sort of getting my life back together. The thing is I feel bad for it. Some part of me feels bad, somehow, because I am now seeing myself starting to move on. This is very confusing. I tell myself she is starting to heal too and we are going to be okay in time, maybe in an attempt to comfort myself, but I still have this inner battle going on between feeling well by myself and missing her greatly.
Hi there, I know exactly how you feel. My ex boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me about 4 months ago, and when we first broke up, I just wanted us to get back together. Now I want to move on and be happy but when I think of being with someone that’s not him, it makes me really sad. I think this feeling will get less intense though and will go away eventually. I think what’s happening is that our brains and hearts aren’t ready for a drastic change so it’s just taking it step by step. Something my therapist told me is that going through grief is essentially restructuring our brains and that’s going to take time especially after a long term relationship. It’s confusing and painful but we have to keep in mind that we won’t feel this way forever. Sending you strength and positive vibes 💕
Your message wasn’t meant for me but I really needed to hear something like that. Thank you
I’m glad it helped a little! I know moving on sucks and I’m right there with you, but we all deserve to be happy.
I’m really glad it seems like you are taking steps towards the right direction. It’s never easy. I had broken up with someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with nearly 2 months ago and although it was me who broke up, and I was hurt, I was miserable and I worried day and night about him too although I was hurt by what he’s continuously done. I think that part of us caring for that person never really goes away and just lessens with time. I have just reached the point where I feel like I’m ready to accept that things are over but I also miss him. You might be feeling slightly guilty hence the internal conflict because obviously your ex mattered a lot to you. Moving on with your life without her just doesn’t feel right right now but it will get better. Time heals many things. You will both be ok eventually. Hang in there.
