On Surviving Breakups
Ending any relationship - platonic or romantic - is one of the most difficult things that a person can do. Oftentimes relinquishing the relationship also means letting go of a potential future with the person you're leaving. Breakups are even harder if you have unresolved feelings regarding the person. But they are survivable, even in the direst seeming circumstances.
If you need immediate support, you can connect to a listener. You can also peruse our guide on surviving breakups (https://www.7cups.com/breakup-advice/ ). This offers helpful tips for accepting and managing the emotions that come along with a breakup, and subsequently how to resolve and work through them.
You can also seek support on these forums, where you can talk to listeners like me or other members going through the same thing. I'm happy to talk to anybody about their experiences and to offer whatever support I can. :) You all deserve to be happy and healthy.
My boyfriend and I recently broke up after 10 months and even though he had a lot of issues the worst of them being the fact that he was verbally abusive for some reason I still want him. In all honesty the relationship shouldn't of lasted this long because the verbal abuse started early on but the thought of beingalone was far more hurtful than his words. He's verbally abusive not only to me but his mother and sister also and I've told him many times I don't like how he talks to me but he says i make him talk to me that way. He curses me out on the phone in front if my friends and one time when we were together in public andit's so humiliating and he's kind of controlling and jealous.Hecan be really sweet but he can become a whole different person the next minute. We've been off and on our whole relationship because of this and even though I have the strength to say its over I can never stay away.I can't tell you how many times I've cried but no matter the tears I always end up taking him back when he says I love you Shana,I want to be with you, you're the best thing that ever happen to me,I'm sorry.Not only do I think about him a lot, he lives acrossthe street from me so I have to see himbut this timeI really need this breakup to bepermanent so I can focus on making ME better. How do I fight the urge to go back?
I completely understand what you're going through as I myself have just ended an abusive relationship. I would always give in to her demands when she said she loved me and wanted me to stay with her. What I found was helpful was to write up a list of why you can't be in a relationship with them. It cements in your mind that you are justified and do not deserve the abuse you are receiving. When you feel weak, look at the list again. It will help, I promise. Other than that, avoid face to face contact. That's when you're most vulnerable, I think. I know it will be hard as he lives across the street, but don't confront him and don't let him confront you. I hope this helps!
I went through the same exact thing as you. No matter how much he sweet talks you you have to be strong & stand up for yourself as a women. It all depends if you want to be putting up with that kind of stuff. My ex boyfriend was the same way with. E he was controlling jealous ect. What your ex needs is too appreciate you first. My ex never appreciated the things I did forhim. Which is why he always took advantage. & most guys think thatbecause we're titled there girlfriend they think we're not going to goanywhere. So the best choice for you to do is try talking to him first & tell him how you cry & his hurting your feelings. & if he ignores that then tell him you know what I think it's best that we break up because I feel like youdon't appreciate me. When I did that with my ex he changed from a blink ofan eye. But I told him it was too later bc he mistreated me for 3 months & Iwould tell him everyday that I would cry at night but he never cared till now.
sometimes there's so much is girls can take from guys & if we don't feel appreciated & most importantly respected we just don't want to be there.
The disheartening thing about all of this is that abusive relationships (whether it be emotional, financial, physical, etc.) is way too common. Managing to get out of such a toxic relationship shows strength, it isn't an easy decision to make and you are one step closer to getting the kind of love you deserve.
I just got out of an emotionally/verbal relationship that lasted for 10 months and did not realize what I was experiencing was abuse until three weeks before we broke up. He insisted on maintaining contact even after the breakup. He told me I was his best friend and that I mattered. Even though I knew NO CONTACT is usually the best option after any breakup, I continued contact. A week after our breakup I decided to see him. He asked for my forgiveness, said all the right things to make me feel loved again and I decided to trust and let him back into my life. Three days later he told me felt a connection with someone else, told me he never felt that way about me and despite all of this wanted to still remain in contact. (Totally contradicting what he told me a couple of days before.)He then continued to go in unnecessary detail about how this new girl tried to sleep with him and when I asked why he was telling me all of this, he blamed it on me and said I asked for it.It then dawned on me that he didn't love me but he lovedthe control he had over me.This was the final straw. He then had the audacity to still try to talk to me. Calling and texting me even though I blocked his number, e-mails and on all my social media accounts.
What I've done to move on is surround myself with family and friends who love me unconditionally. To try to live life as I did before the abuse, to recapture who I once was. I'm not broken and neither are any of you.
I made a list of things that I didn't like about the relationship, things that made me uncomfortable or made us incompatible. I then countered each item with something I want/need/deserve in a relationship. For example, my ex was very critical about my work/career goals/interests. I deserve a partner that supports my professioal development and encourages me to pursue my passions. Checking this list whenever you miss them, wish to contact them, reminds you of the reason why it didn't work and why you deserve better.
None of this is helpful to me.
Any thoughts on what might be more helpful in terms of what we can provide on the site?
When a break up first occurs, you can feel lonely and hurt and sad and feel like you'll never get over that person. Just know that time really does heal all wounds. Whether it takes a few days or months, you can move on from the worst of breakups.
7 Cups is here to support you through it, as I like to tell my members, breaking up with one person is just putting you one step closer to finding the right one :)
I have very recently split up with my partner of seven years and I am feeling so worthless right now. He told me that he felt we were incompatible and that he didn't see a future for us but he didn't know why. He told me that he loves me and that he is doing this for my benefit but he is such a selfish man that he wouldn't do anything for anyone else. He refuses to tell me what it is or was that made him think our relationship had no future to the point he is being cruel, especially when two weeks ago he said that our lives were perfect and that we had grown as a couple. All of my plans have been crushed and I am here with nothing whilst I can only feel that he is out there having a huge amount of fun and celebrating. I don't even know where to start. I can't distract myself as we did everything together, everything reminds me of him - music, exercise, travel, food, reading. We were a couple and I don't know what changed. I feel pointless, I gave everything to him and it still wasn't enough so what good am I? I just don't know what to do with myself. I sit here crying and talking to myself. I thought my life had a plan and meaning and now it doesn't.
I really feel your pain. My ex just did the same to me however in a very different way. But one day I was the most important thing in his life and the next he started acting weird. He didn't contact me for 4 days and when he did he told me that he had so much going on he had no time for me. He felt he couldn't be available for me and was holding me back. I didn't understand and I still don't. I love him and yet I want to watch a bus hit him all at once. I don't know why men do the things they do, this may sound bad for I blame their mothers for creating such selfish being. How can you just toss someone aside like this? I don't know the answer but if you want to talk about please message me
Breakup diaries
It's very difficult to come over a bad breakup . If you were emotionally attached to that other person it would be difficult.. but if you are dedicated to move on then nothing can stop you .. distract yourself and gradually you will move on .. stay close to your family and friends
My boyfriend of three years (my first and only boyfriend) and I agreed to break up because I no longer feel anything but friendship toward him. I recently realized I am bisexual, and I am not attracted to him. It tears me apart to abandon him, but I couldn't control this change in me. I just feel so wrong kissing him and when we make love I want to cry because it's not right, it's just so wrong. It's like doing my brother. At the same time, I'm finding it so hard to cut ties with him because he's my best friend, and I love him for that reason, I just don't love him the way he loves me. I can't imagine losing him forever. He's my only friend, he's all I have, but I'll never be satisfied or happy with him. I just want to say this because a lot of the posts here seem to be "they broke up with me," and I want people to know it can be just as hard to break up with someone as it is to be broken up with. I hate myself for hurting him. I hate myself for changing. I hate that I'm gay if it means making him miserable, but I can't lie to myself either. It had to come to this eventually. Even after all this time, things couldn't have worked out. It's horrible. It's the worst thing I've ever been through. I wish so hard that I'd never asked him out in the first place. He'll never understand how sorry I am or how much pain it's causing me to even think of leaving him, but he'll also never understand how badly I need to get away and be myself. I don't expect him to. I just wish he didn't have to hurt, but I know that isn't possible. We're both going to hurt, and much more than we are already.
during a bad breakup, its very difficult to spend the night as its very difficult to sleep and its obvious that our mind does a lot of unnecessary thinking (overthinking), try avoiding that, it helps to cope up soon :)
I cheated on my boyfriend and he accepted me back. 6 months later i had a random chat with a random guy from another country. I feel guilty. My boyfriend brokeup with me. I lost everything. He means my life to me. He isn't coming back now. :( i want him back. I want to make things right. We have been together since 2 years. And since 20 days we're apart. I tried talking to him but he hates me. And he said he has moved on. I really miss him and i want him back and make him happy. I am not able to get over the guilt. I don't want to give up. I qm at fault. I regret my actions. I did this to the person who loved me so much. And now he's not coming back.
Saili15, I understand where you are coming I split from my for the same reasons only I know I will never to it again. I have so much pain and guilt and all I can do is try and beg and hope that he forgives me one day. I would do anything to have things back to the way they were... As long and your actions make thenproper step in that direction and you completly turn around the way you are that is all you can do and some of it is out of your hands. I am hopeing time heals everything and I will spend the rest of my life just wanting to see him happy even if im alone I want want no one else. Time heals everything I hope and I know he can play a thousand situations in his head bimut I finally told the full truth and I feel better I was so scared of loseing him but I know now it doesn't matter it made it worse. I plan on going to therapy and improving myself and I hope he sees
How long it has been? My feelings are the same. Its him or no one. Because whatever we have is real despite of my mistakes. I regret my actions i can not take it back. All i can do is be a better person and win him back.
That is all you can do and come to terms with yourself. I feel the exact same way. It just happened, the break up did, but the incident was a month ago and not a day went by i did not think about it or feel guilt, im naturally not a bad person I cant keep things like that. He is still very upset and I am trying to figure it out. I am hoping time alone helps it a little and i said I am going to fight to get him back and really make a difference in my life. Just like he cant move forward until he forgives you, you cant either until you do what you need to do to change. Have you tried couples therapy? I want to do that with mine but he doesn'teven live here either so I dont know how that would work but it also shows you admit you need help and want it but you cannot do it alone. Just like the first step in addiction is admitting you have one it is he same with a problem like this and now you can change and if two hearts are meant to be together nothing will stop that I believe.
I wish it was easy to get everything back the way it was and just say forget it lets start over but you still need to build. I am willing to put in so much effort so I dont have to wish that I dontwake up the next morning.If he lived here I would go to couples therapy? Is there a way to do that long distance does anyone know?
Well, Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now, and I've been the happiest girl in the world with him... Im so glad to have found him... But somehow along the way I managed to cheat on him many times with another person, and lie many times to him about it... I want things to work out between me and him because we are crazy in love so I told him all about my lies and i guess I broke his heart He's so sad and depressed and it hurts to know that I did this to him, but I'm dying to be with him for the rest of my life, I'm just scared he wont want to anymore because he won't trust me... I hate seeing him suffer because no matter how bad I hurt him, he still wants to run back to me.. Im the only truth he's known, and I lied to him ... I wish I could just turn back time and erase all of this... I want our dreams to come true, our dreams of being together forever 😫
It sounds like you're stuck on how to handle the situation because you love your boyfriend yet you've hurt him deeply. I think it's very important to find the root of the problem. You say you wouldn't want to hurt him, and you do not have to. You just have to find out why you did it previously and resolve it. 7 cups of tea is a great support community and I'm glad you found it. I hope I can help you in any way I can.
I was with my previous boyfriend (Sam) for 2 years, we had great times back then and were very intimate. I left him last year for other guys and he kept begging me back, he even find every guys in my contacts, he just could not let me go. Now I am with a guy (Leon) who is 1,496 miles away, I like him very much as he has a mature and more positive thinking than all my previous ones. But unfortunately Sam managed to get Leon's number and both of them got in touch. Leon just put aside the situation between Sam and him and just get along well with me. My problem here is that I am very confuse, feeling very bad for both of them. Follow my heart I will like to be with Leon, but still there is a far distance between us that I can't really accept it. As for Sam, for what both of us had been through together, he can't let me off, hoping that I will get back to him. I feel worse for Sam, always thinking that if I should get back to him. I hope you can help me out with it, I really don't know what to do.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're conflicted in what to do because Leon is so far away and you still feel guilty about Sam. You are the expert on you.I could give you advice, but it might end up being unhelpful and I don?t want to do that. I do want to tell you that you need to trust your gut. If a friend was in your shoes, what would you tell them? The community and hundreds of listeners will always be here to support you. Please let me know if I can help any other way xx
