One month on...
I did write a long post but somehow it deleted!
Basically my girlfriend and I of 4 years just broke up a month ago. I'm really struggling. It was the fortnight from hell.
We'd been having problems a while due to me being depressed due to unemployment.
I was withdrawn and distant. Moody and sometimes just plain unpleasant.
Well, she'd had enough. We've never broken up before and I really wanted to work on the relationship knowing a job would resolve all the issues. She didn't. She let me go with no option to resolve things down the line.
It's been 3 weeks and not so much as a word from her. That hurts as she knows I was fragile. Yet no concern from her in the least. That makes me feel worthless.
It was so hard after we broke up. My cat got run over. The exhaust fell off my car. Wheel bearing and both cv joints went. I've been financially scrabbling to keep myself afloat after she kicked me out in the space of a few hours and leaving me totally to fend on my own. I am managing. I have two jobs. But they pay monthly and I'm awaiting my first paycheque. Been very difficult.
We were sharing bills and she has a VERY good well paid job.
Luckily I had my own house to go back to. The place reminds me of her. It's left how we redecorated and restructured it to be OUR HOME. Everything is a reminder.
I have no friends and no family that care a damn about me. I work silently alone. I sit at home alone.
I'm 34. Both parents are dead.
Anyway that's my story.
Hello.
@BKheart
Hey! I'm a Forum Mentor around here which means that I can edit/delete/moderate stuff around the forum. Can you PM me and tell me where you posted if you think the post was deleted? I will look and see if it can be restored if you want. Maybe it was deleted by mistake.
It can surely feels like life after your break up is falling even more apart. I'm sorry to hear about your cat's accident -- I know very well how a cat's death can affect your life. You're saying you are hurt by her not giving any signs after the breakup but you are aware of the fact things were hard to deal with before the move. What are you looking for right now? Staying isolated with no one to talk with or avise with can surely be damn hard! I get it as I was unemployed and moody all the time for more than 2 years now. Have you tried to reach out to her or wish to do it?
@cristiana33
It was because my phones screen closed and it also closed team browser. So the post just dissappeared.
I do miss my cat a lot. It stayed with her but I got a call from the vets saying he's been run down.
I do very much want to resolve things with her now that I have work. She said we'd meet up in a few weeks for dinner but I've heard nothing from her. I certainly don't want to chase someone who has no intention of trying to resolve things or have any desire at all to be with me. I'm just giving her space. If she wanted to, she'd contact me about that dinner.
@BKheart
I see. It means it wasn't posted after all. It can be annoying to lose a lot of what you wrote like that!
I believe you should do what it makes you feel at ease with your own heart. Thinking about giving her space will let things remain sort of unfinished.
If you feel there is anything left to tell her or anything left to do, follow your heart and do that. If it is calling her to confirm a date for dinner - do that. If it is leaving things like that, leave them - but do it because you feel 100% it's something you can move on from. Otherwise you will remain with a negative feeling towards the situation and her. I hope your choice will make you have some sort of light on your road!
@BKHeart
Breakups are never easy, especially when one person has been struggling for a while.
Every situation is different, which makes it hard to say what you should or should not do. A lot of this depends on context and motivation. Here are some of my thoughts and questions you can ask yourself to get a better idea of what you could do.
1. Is she someone who is likely to leave when things get hard? You mentioned that you two have never broken up before; has she needed to support you through hard times in the past? How long were you depressed and unemployed before she left?
This gives you a good idea whether or not it's worth getting her back and if it's in your best interest to.
2. What motivates you to want her back and why do you say that a job would resolve all the issues?
I suspect things are a bit more complicated than that. And if they are not, is it in your best interest to get back together with someone who will leave you when you are unemployed?
I'm glad that you have jobs now and it sounds like you're getting back on your feet pretty quickly. It's tough right now, but it sounds like you're working hard and doing a lot to make things right again.
Wishing you the best <3
@AdVictoriam
About a year after we got together times got hard. I was unemployed and depression set in. So she dealt with it and stuck with me for a few years through that.
It was very sudden really. The breakup. I asked if she wanted me to move out and she said yes. Which turned into a breakup.
Before that times had been difficult but we always knew the problem was depression and the depression was caused by unemployment.
Maybe through my emotional unavailability she got to know another man. She did keep my xbox and all my automotive tools.
I have been feeling like I can't go on
Saw her this morning to drop some stuff off.
She'd been wondering how I am. Was waiting for me to contact her about starting dating again to see if she can overcome the past and the difficult years we had.
To see how she feels and wether she can move on from it and we build a new relationship based on only good times making good memories.
She doesn't know if she can overcome those memories but would like to try.
What do you guys think?
@BKheart I would say date her again and go slowly for both your sakes. Don't move back in together. See it as a fresh start.
Bump
