Processing a Difficult Breakup

Hey hey @intuitiveHouse2911 nice to meet you. 💛

I think there’s a really painful space between “I know I had to leave” and “I still love and miss this person.” And it seems like you’re sitting right in that space right now.  

Breakups in general are hard, but when it’s something like this, it’s even more difficult to cope with, I feel. 

What you went through during conflict mattered, how you felt with the lack of effort and emotional presence of a partner also mattered, and it is okayy to admit that you were being deprived of something you needed from a romantic partner. 

The fact that you recognised you couldn’t build a healthy future around such doesn’t erase everything that was good. You’re allowed to hold the whole picture. 

He could have been someone you loved deeply, you could have shared genuinely beautiful moments, and the relationship could still have become something that wasn’t good for you to remain in/ continue. 

I get what you mean though 🥲 it is one thing to know “logically” that leaving was the right choice, and a completely different thing for your heart to actually accept it hehe. Sometimes our heart needs some extra time in matching pace with what our mind already knows. 

When you think about the future you lost, what part of it feels hardest to let go of? 

And when you miss him, what is it that you find yourself reaching for emotionally? 

You don’t need to answer those perfectly or here, of course. I’m just wondering if separating what you miss might make the grief a little easier to understand, and eventually equipping you more into processing things more. 

Alsooo it’s okayyy to still be attached. Choosing yourself doesn’t automatically switch off love or remove all the memories of a person instantly. 

You can miss someone and still know you cannot go back to the relationship you had. Both can exist together. Painfully at times, yes 🥲 but they can still co-exist. 

You’re allowed all the time you need to let your heart process and accept how things turned out, I’d really hope you can be gentle with it while it’s still grieving and coping with the loss of what felt familiar once. 💛 Offering biiig hugs! 🫂

I’m so happy that you’re able to move forward even if you’re attached to him.

Moving on is never linear, it goes up and down. Sometimes you’ll really rethink your decisions or you’ll miss him and that’s valid because he was once an important person in your life and there are also times that you’re gonna be completely fine.

Always remind yourself to keep going and don’t look back again (don’t come back to him if he is treating you badly) and always be kind to yourself.

I’m so happy that you’re able to move forward even if you’re attached to him.

Moving on is never linear, it goes up and down. Sometimes you’ll really rethink your decisions or you’ll miss him and that’s valid because he was once an important person in your life and there are also times that you’re gonna be completely fine.

Always remind yourself to keep going and don’t look back again (don’t come back to him if he is treating you badly) and always be kind to yourself.

@intuitiveHouse2911 Hi, I can't relate to what you're going through directly but I have kind of been like that guy in the past, being overly attached and mistreating someone who may have cared about me.  You have definitely made the healthy decision and I am sure with time you will find more clarity.  It's the hardest thing to let go of someone you care about and in my experience, also easy to let good memories cloud your intuition.  Don't know if that helps but I hope only the best for you in your healing process and time really does mend all wounds.