Rebound
I have been in a rebound relationship. He still loves his ex and he said we should just stay as friends. I want to make him happy and realize that it is a possibility he can have with me. I do not understand why he doesn't choose me as he said himself that I was the first person to ever compliment his appearance. I check up on him daily to see if he is doing ok. I know him and his ex are none of my business and I do not interfere. I do not want to know who she is or how their relationship was. It's not important. It's important now that he's struggling to get over it. I am also avoiding puting my feelings into it. I only knew of the rebound right before he asked us to be friends. I feel hurt, but I am a hopeless romantic. I believe if people try hard enough endless love is possible. I describe myself as someone who has too much love to give, as I have no problem giving 101% of my love to my partners. Is it bad that I believe if he gets over his ex we still have a chance together? It doesn't bother me to the point where I am crying or deeply bothered. I just feel a little sad that he tried to find a rebound as a cry for help. I am glad he came to me though as I did not lash out and give him more trauma with relationships. I just hope he can see that I care, and that I will not hurt him. Is it bad that I am thinking like this?
@TheLittleWraith
Hi there. 😊 If I'm understanding, you've been in a relationship with a guy who was using you as a rebound, but he recently told you though that he still loves his ex and wants to just be friends with you. This feels like a shame because you like him, you feel like you'd be able to make him happy, and you're willing to put a lot of energy/care into making the relationship work and avoiding hurting/traumatizing him. So you're now wondering if it's a bad thing to continue to hold out hope for him possibly getting over his ex and restarting things with you.
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I can't really say whether it's good or bad for you to want to continue to hope for a connection with him. I can imagine all kinds of ways that the situation could turn out.
- Maybe he'll be dissatisfied with the ex, he'll give up on her, and you'll be there for him and you'll get the relationship you want (yay)
- Maybe he'll figure things out with the ex and have a satisfying relationship with her, and you'll be forced to give up on him
- Maybe the situation will continue to be murky/unclear, but your feelings might change in such a way that you feel enough strain/distress in waiting/hoping for him to come back that it feels too difficult/unsustainable and you end up abandoning it
- Maybe while you're waiting for him, you'll unexpectedly come across someone else who catches your eye and is emotionally available, and you'll turn your attention toward them instead
I have no idea how any of this will turn out, haha. Lots of people would probably have different reactions to this that are shaped by their own experiences, personalities, and values. For example, I personally tend to be kind of independent-minded and distrustful at this point in my life, so maybe I'd personally feel uncomfortable with the idea of waiting for someone. But who am I to say that that's the right way for *you* to do things if you're possibly a completely different person than me, right now you're feeling really romantic/optimistic/passionate, and pursuing this feels meaningful to you?
I don't feel there's really a right answer other than to do what you want that feels right to you based on who you currently are. And if it ends up feeling like it doesn't work, you're always free to change course at a later time.
So, if you feel like you want to wait and that's something you care about a lot, that sounds great and I support it. Likewise, if you want to not wait, that's legitimate as well and I'd support that also. 💜
