Relationship confusion

@Zeddem

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

A friend of mine was a massive support, we got close and started dating. This new guy, when we are together he is amazing, makes me feel good about myself and happy for the first time in many years. (This does sound amazing on the surface, but they are a lot of things going on here. I can tell you might need constant validation, and happiness from outside the self to make you feel a certain. This actions might make you put so much unmet needs on the other person, and then you will see how they behave differently or they back away) Trouble is I rarely see him as I have my kids/he works alot but doesnt always make as much time for me as he could. (This can be a red flag right here. I understand why you can't see him much, however he seems to be putting priority in spending time. This is also sign you are more invested than him) He also does not want to meet my children ever- so basically ruling out any proper relationship. He says he loves me but never wants kids. (This is a red flag right here, it tells me he is not accepting the children. A man who is worth it would accept you have a children and try his best to get along with them. This guy is not showing any sign of this)

I've fallen for him massively though, (Be careful with this...it will make you accept and tolerate certain behaviors because of the dopamine and external validation you get from him. This sounds like you are projecting unmet needs, and want things to be a certain way) so much so it hurts when we are apart. (I can understand how painful this can be, however the abandonment issues you might have are the real issue here, not being apart of him.) I cant concentrate at work and I feel myself resenting having kids as its keeping him away. (Your happiness, well being, feeling good enough and self-love come heavily from him, so a lot of emotions/feelings come to the surface when he doesn't behave a certain way or give you what you are looking for. ) I know that's not fair as it's not their fault.

I sometimes i think the pain i am in means I should finish with him. (Something from within is trying to give you a message, don't ignore it) But if I do that I dont have a single thing in my life that even just sometimes makes me happy. (I can personally understand how this feels, it can be quite scary to go through this. You are around this person to make you feel happy, so its making you ignore the red flags because of the way he is making you feel. People like him will only hurt you, and only care about how they feel) He's always there for me on the phone but just not enough in person. (This tells me he is keeping things on the phone so you two don't get too close, and not spending time on person on order to keep you at a distance. We are not seeing he is investing so little, while you are investing heavily. The scale is heavily one sided, so this will make one side distance themeselves, while the other will do anything to close the gap) But even if I was to see someone else- not that they would have me, i would still have the same problems in that i wouldn't actually get to see them much because i have kids. Should I just finish it or accept this is as good as it gets? (You are willing to accept a man who 90% distant, doesn't seem like he is investing and not willing to accept your children? just to settle on order to feel happy?. You can't give away your heart like this or settle like this with him because he will only hurt you from what you shared on this post) Also if i lose him i have noone. (It will be scary if he is not part of your life, but ask yourself this, is it really a friendship what you have with him?) No friends or family nearby.

@Zeddem

I get a negitive vibe about this one from what you write. I suggest to move on from this new guy.

He sounds like a player to me... and only intrested in getting together with you from time to time physically. it is just a guess and might not be what is happening at all. Reason I think so is...

Doesn't want to do with your kids...

Doesn't want to expand the relationship with you

Doesn't put you as priority.

If he is a healthy man and doesn't want to see you a couple or three times a week then you might be just one of many. This doesn't mean he is bad or evil, but just a different life style than for a family and kids. For guys that understand how to do it, it is really easy to spin the emotions of a girl that is upset and unsure due to a recent hard breakup.

I can be wrong... but just really consider objectivly what are the good points of the guy other than being good looking and sexy.. if that is the case.

Good Luck