Rushing my life forward was a mistake.
8 years ago I met my wife, we were both in a bad place emotionally and bonded over our previous relationships. Over time I felt it was just easier and better to stay together. I’ve never felt happiness so if I can atleast make her happy things are worth it right? Cut years into the future I’m still content being with her, not really anything bad happening, but I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel like I can be truly alive, stifled etc. we’ve made increasingly larger steps in hopes things get better, moved into an apartment, then got married 2.5 years ago then bought a house 6 months ago. None of these steps have made me happier and I was content on just staying meh.
recently however I’ve been self reflecting, changed some habits, getting into shape and losing weight, trying to really work on me, and in hanging out with friends I’ve realized I really can have a good time when I’m with the right people, I just can’t with my wife. It’s so hard to admit that I’ve had these feelings for years but wasn’t able to say it out loud. I told her I want a divorce last week and everyone is saying it’s so soon and a hasty decision, but I’ve been struggling with it since before even the wedding. I wish I was strong enough to say it then.
i don’t want to destroy her heart though, it’s hard to convey I’ve had these feelings for years without her assuming I never loved her, just that love alone isn’t enough. I really think I need this change, but it is going to derail my life entirely now just to try and move forward.
I just want to break things off before kids are in the picture, if I’m not happy now it’s not a risk I think I should move forward with.
@Synnder
I think you are wise to put the brakes on. There is a lot of pressure nowadays on people of all ages but especially young people, to rush through life, get it all crammed in, for fear of missing out. The pressure is enormous.
I hope you can find a way forward.
Hi,
Thanks for sharing all of that. Of course you don't have to reply if you don't want to.
But may I ask why you have not discussed your feelings with her? I mean the fact that you loved her in a way but that you weren't really in love with her.
I hope everything is fine on your side whatever your decision is.
Have a nice day.
I was lying to myself thinking that as long as she was happy I didn’t care that I wasn’t. But the longer I’ve been going the more I want to be happy. We are both super evasive with confrontation so actually bringing this up years ago was hard. I’ve mentioned issues in the past but never mentioned break ups or divorce. I think my pride also got a hold of me, I kept thinking admitting a break up or divorce would be embarrassing like I’m a failure and just kept moving forward like I had something to prove.
@Synnder- you are in a tough spot. It takes courage to admit your marriage was based on a flimsy platform, not much of a foundation. Please be gentle to your wife. It is heartbreaking to realize that our spouse really never "was in love" with us. Besides each of us has a definition in our heart of what love means. Hold strong and let her go. Gracefully.
Yes, it's really sad, especially if your wife really in love with you. Just break from whatever you have now, no need for divorce, give each other some time and space to think, then decide after that
You should end your marriage now before you have kids. My story’s similar to yours, but I am the wife and I feel the way about my husband the way you do about your wife. And we have 4 children together. Been thinking about divorce for 2 years now but don’t want to break his heart, or destroy the relationship I have with my kids. But I want to be happy. BUT I say, give it some more thought still. Only decide when you feel calm consistently for a while about the decision. Don’t just make a final decision to end discomfort. New discomforts will come into your life .
