Should I walk away?

@goodShip9587

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have been with my partner for almost two years now, we have a 1 year old together and his two kids, 3 and 4 from his previous marriage. Things have been rocky between us because of his two kids, eldest had issues adjusting to her mum leaving and me coming into the picture. (I can see why this would be an issue, from the looks of it the eldest is going through a hard time because of the separation, so often times he/she might behave in certain ways that sabotages things)

Had another issue not so long ago where my partner cheated in a sense. I saw it as cheating and so did he. He had raunchy conversations with a friend/customer (he runs a business). It caused some issues and I took some time away. While I was away he promised that things would change and get better, (I remember reading your post up to this point previously, it lead me to be believe he wasn't going to keep his promise. People like him tends to make tons of promises on order to not be alone and not lose the relationship, however as times settles in is where they won't keep their promises since it involves fears and past traumas) we would have family weekends where he won't work, he would help me more with our youngest, he would stop drinking, (This is what most addict would say. I truly feel he said whatever it took on order to not be alone. He probably meant it, but procastinations, fears and other factors will definetly lead to him being complacent) we would go on a family Christmas holiday and he even offered to give me regular massages as my back had been playing up.
The family weekends never happen actually working today all day, I don't get any extra help with our youngest, (This must be really stressful for you to go through) he drinks every night, (I can tell this has become his coping mechanism, its a way to distract himself from problems and issues) family holiday cancelled after I spent ages booking and planning and the massages happened for a while (He has issues with delivering promises and being considerate of how you feel. This issues will impact what you two have because the relationship will not feel safe for you) until he admitted one night while drunk he only does it to help his chances at getting some . (This is manipulation. He doesn't know how to give uncondtional love, so he will do certain things expecting other things in return. This will also cause major impact on what you two have) Not that we don't do it often...

I could very easily put my foot down and say no, or we are doing this but I'm at a point where I don't know if I care anymore. (I can understand why you would feel this way, this has been happening for awhile. I want you to ask yourself this; "Is it worth it to spend your life with someone who mistreats you, neglects you and can't keep promises?") His two girls while beautiful at heart are driving me mad. They don't like me or they do and they have an odd way of showing it I don't know. They are rough with each other and rough with the one year old, who can't be aloud to wander around the house learning all that stuff one year olds learn because they get in her face, yell, scream, bang on things because they insist she look at them, she follow them, she play with them. (This behavior might cause impact on the one year old. It's important that one year old have the freedom to explore and then come to where you are, however their behavior is teaching the one year old that the world is scary and that exploration is something that shouldn't be done. Those two girls are out of control, and the dad probably won't do much since he is also out of control) I don't mind her interacting and playing with them but she has nearly gotten hurt so many times.

It just feels like everything is crashing down on me right now. (I can relate to this, its just feels like everything feel hopeless without being able to receive support from other people) I kinda want to leave, have just me and the one year old and start a proper happy life for the both of us as I feel we are both missing out on many things, (This is the decision you want to make, its the perfect decision to make because the quality of life at that house is holding you and the one year old back. It's also a non loving household, you deserve far better) it's not fair. Kicker is I feel so guilty just thinking about leaving, he would struggle financially and with his business as he needs someone to watch his two girls so he can work. (I can see how this guilt is impacting what you want to do, is rough dealing with this. I sense there's some co-depedency or this unconcious mindset of "My needs, feelings and wants are not important because i was raised to look after other people". It's normal to feel worried about this, but its important to invest in yourself and make the adult decision here. He has make zero changes, so investing in him will only lead to you feeling miserable, lonely, stressed and disconnected.) He doesn't like daycare, got sick of the girls getting sick from other kids there. (This tells me he is putting all the responsabilities on you, which is unfair) Plus I don't think he enjoyed having to pay so much. (He is quite cheap with important things, but you will see how he throw away his money when it comes to drinking)

what should I do? (You already know what to do. Ill quote you on it )

"I kinda want to leave, have just me and the one year old and start a proper happy life for the both of us as I feel we are both missing out on many things," (This is the best decision to make for you and the one year old. The longer you stay, the more you and the one year old will go through depression and other things)

Am I being selfish? (Not at all. I understand that growing up your caregivers and family members make you feel selfish or bad about making decision, but you are not being selfish by wanting to leave. You expressed yourself to him, gave him tons of chances to change and he made zero attempts to improve. Once you see this pattern is where you can't stay in an unhealthy and toxic environment)

just feel so deflated, I want to cry all the time and I feel sick. (You are allowed to cry and to feel all of these emotions because it really hurts what you are going through. You have done the best you could to make things work, while he isnt doing much)