Should i move on or not?
So I have been dating this girl for about 7 months (we were in long distance relationship) things we going great. So she just finished her degree and was ready to find a job. But ever since then she became more distant, should show me little affecting, was not sharing with me and even started being bitchy to me for no reason. I shrug it off because I knew that was her personality. She would go back to herself for a bit and back into blocking me out. So I decided to go out to meet her and at the last minute something came up and she said no ( it was an important matter ), I didn't know and overreacted(because of my insecurities) and got into a small fight and I apologized. We were fine after that but i felt like she was slipping away not because of this. So last night she called me and we talk and she said that she extremely depressed, withdrawn, doesn't care about things/her friends, wants to be left alone( because they all got jobs and she didn't) and this is bad for us so she wants to break up/take a break because she doesn't want to hurt me and fix herself. She was feeling like she wants to do this for a while but then says she love me and wants to be with me and doesn't want to hurt me so we should. I told her that even if she dose fell that way doesn't make me feel different toward her and she can talk to me and should tell me about this a long time ago. I told her that I understand where she coming from because I too was very depressed in the past and i am her boyfriend and there for her no matter what. But still it didn't change her mind and she wants to break up with me or take a break. So I agreed to this and we taking a break now. My question is should I wait to see how she feels about me after the break, will she come back to me or should I break up with her and let go?
@quickwittedWillow6971
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
So I have been dating this girl for about 7 months (we were in long distance relationship) things we going great. So she just finished her degree and was ready to find a job. But ever since then she became more distant, should show me little affecting, was not sharing with me (This is obviously a sign she is either feeling smothered or you could possibly be coming on strong at times) and even started being bitchy to me for no reason. (She was starting to lose respect for you here) I shrug it off because I knew that was her personality. (I'm starting to think you were afraid to confront her or to get into an argument) She would go back to herself for a bit and back into blocking me out. (Im getting the feeling things would go great for 3-4 weeks, then she will start behaving differently due to the closeness which makes her back away from you. She is starting to come off as inconsistent to me, and they are other things you could have say or done that played a part in her backing away) So I decided to go out to meet her and at the last minute something came up and she said no ( it was an important matter ), (Did she mentioned a reschedule? if she didn't then it shows she wasn't ready to see you) I didn't know and overreacted(because of my insecurities) (You felt rejected, anxious and scared, which made you behave in a way in order to pull her closer or make her do what you want) and got into a small fight and I apologized. We were fine after that (You were fine about it, but it doesn't mean she was) but i felt like she was slipping away not because of this. (I feel like it was a combination of a few things that was making her feel smothered) So last night she called me and we talk and she said that she extremely depressed, withdrawn, doesn't care about things/her friends, wants to be left alone( because they all got jobs and she didn't) and this is bad for us so she wants to break up/take a break because she doesn't want to hurt me and fix herself. (This is the typical bs some people say on order to not hurt your feelings. I think they were a few things that made her feel smothered like the small fight you had, and then they are other things that bothered about the relationship which didn't communicate them to you and now it all blow up) She was feeling like she wants to do this for a while but then says she love me and wants to be with me and doesn't want to hurt me so we should. (All she is saying here is that she is feeling smothered and losing attraction for you) I told her that even if she dose fell that way doesn't make me feel different toward her and she can talk to me and should tell me about this a long time ago. (Thats true, i can tell she keeps things bottle up and then she begins to back away) I told her that I understand where she coming from because I too was very depressed in the past and i am her boyfriend and there for her no matter what. But still it didn't change her mind and she wants to break up with me or take a break. So I agreed to this and we taking a break now. My question is should I wait to see how she feels about me after the break, will she come back to me or should I break up with her and let go? (I would wait until she reaches out first and wants to work things out. I think it would be a bad idea to reach out first after she just pushed you away)
@freshLight64
Hey, thank you for your advice. On the points you made, I feel like I was smothering her a bit, maybe it was a lot that I didn't notice. I didn't ask her if she still respects me but when where talking she kept on saying that she doesn't deserve me, i did nothing wrong, I was perfect and so on. I thought to myself maybe she just saying this not to hurt me or she doesn't mean it. It likes this for a while with her she says things like this and the next day she won't for no reason. I really get the feeling that she was just shutting herself out because SHE doesn't want to get hurt or attached to me.
She did want to reschedule and also said that she will come out now to see me if we work out. The fight was just a misunderstanding because at first, she didn't tell me it was important and I thought it wasn't. I ask her about it and told her why I overreacted and she understood and told me it was ok and I should have told her about that in the first place.
The thing is she was giving me a lot of mixed signals when we were breaking up and I don't know whether to believe her or to end it. I won't be reaching out to her, it was my idea to take a break and see. She wanted things to get back to normal and talk to me like nothing happened and says that she can't live without talking to me for a day, which I didn't like and felt like complete bs so I suggest we don't talk for a while. I am just so confused about this and don't to know if I should get back with her when the break is over.
@quickwittedWillow6971
On the points you made, I feel like I was smothering her a bit, maybe it was a lot that I didn't notice. (I think it was enough to push her away, specially when she seems to have a closeness issue) I didn't ask her if she still respects me but when where talking she kept on saying that she doesn't deserve me, i did nothing wrong, I was perfect and so on. (Unfortunetly, this is her way of letting you down easily so you end up breaking up with her without her having to pull the trigger on ending things) I thought to myself maybe she just saying this not to hurt me or she doesn't mean it. It likes this for a while with her she says things like this and the next day she won't for no reason. (This is being inconsistent, which will trigger your anxiety and then it makes you come on strong) I really get the feeling that she was just shutting herself out because SHE doesn't want to get hurt or attached to me. (Thats true, and there will be times where its going to feel like a rollercoaster with her)
She did want to reschedule and also said that she will come out now to see me if we work out. The fight was just a misunderstanding because at first, she didn't tell me it was important and I thought it wasn't. (She definetly minimized the situation here) I ask her about it and told her why I overreacted and she understood and told me it was ok and I should have told her about that in the first place.
The thing is she was giving me a lot of mixed signals when we were breaking up and I don't know whether to believe her or to end it.(This is definetly confusing, because she means one thing and then the next thing she means another) I won't be reaching out to her, it was my idea to take a break and see. She wanted things to get back to normal and talk to me like nothing happened (I don't think should have reasume as if nothing happened without a conversation, if not then tthe same thing could end up happening again) and says that she can't live without talking to me for a day, (She felt separation anxiety over losing you, which made her attraction rise so high) which I didn't like and felt like complete bs so I suggest we don't talk for a while. (I don't think it was bs, she meant everything she said, but at the same time I could see why you felt this way I am just so confused about this and don't to know if I should get back with her when the break is over
@freshLight64
Again thank you for that advice and listening to me ramble on. I am just going to wait and see how things play out with her, what she says when the break is over and decided on what to do then. I still love her and crazy about her but if it goes on like this not sure how long I can be with her. Again thank you.
