Stuck

@Trappedandconfused30 I am sorry you're going through that right now. It does sound like a lot.

You are also entitled to the way you feel. It does sound like there have been some huge life changes and that has affected the both of you. But if you feel he has changed then that's perfectly fine because it's how you feel.

What is not okay is the guilt-tripping. Yes, you have been his partner and been through a lot with him. But that does mean you can or should stay forever through everything. People change and that's life. He may be going through a whole lot but you're not his caregiver or legally responsible for him. He may be struggling but in the end it's his responsibility to deal with himself. Not yours.

I wish you the best of luck.

@Trappedandconfused30

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have been in this relationship almost 9 years

It was good for the first few years. 2 years in , we found out he had epilepsy. I stuck by him through multiple grand mal seizures, and the multiple shoulder surgeries, as a loving and doting girlfriend. (This shows you are an amazing and wonderful girlfriend, not many are able to endure this)

We lived with his parents during this and as he was feeling better we moved out. So almost 4 years in we were living on our own.

He got into drugs which caused him more seizures and another surgery. (I don't know which drugs, but seeing the effects they had on him shows he was not taking care of himself and possibly was using it as a coping mechanism to deal with life.) I watched him overdose in front of me. (At this point he was auto self-destructing himself, so this will affect you because you are doing the best you can, but he was doing things that harm his health. I think he needed professional help or be put in a hospital that speciallizes dealing with people who go through suicide because you shouldn't be dealing with this constantly since it starts to affect your mental health) And i stuck by him

He has moved from drugs to alcohol. (This is where its so important to start thinking like; "Okay i care about him, but is he really caring enough about himself for me to invest on this?") He spends every penny he can on booze. (This has turned into an addiction, and its going to continue on this looping cycle.) He doesn't work. He doesnt clean. He sits around and plays video games. Or hes out drinking. On my dime (He is being inconsiderate of you, and not thinking about how you would feel. He is on his own world where he is avoiding every single problem by doing all of this, so his issues and sickness will get worst while you slowly start losing yourself and then you will feel worn out. You don't deserve to go through this, you deserve someone who loves you, wants you and appreciate what you bring to the table)

His family says hes depressed and I need to understand that by leaving him it's like handing a drowning man a glass of water; (They don't know what they are talking about here...What they said came across to me as "Hey ignore how you feel and what you want, even though he has shown zero effort to improve because he has depression". This is not how it works, he keeps harming himself and entering toxic pattners, so you have every right to leave him) meaning they are.literally saying if I leave hes going to harm himself...(I understand how scary it might be, you care about him, but if something bad happens then it will be because of his past issues and depression, and not your decision to leave)

I love him dearly. He holds a special place in my heart but he is not the same person. He never will be. And this version of him has no respect for me. And doesnt show me he loves me. I love him.. but I am no longer in love with him. (Thats the exact reason why you have to put yourself and get out of this toxic situation because you deserve better. You do your best to take care of him everyday, and them he harms himself, drinks alcohol and then drugs...thats not fair on you...)

And I'm no saint... because I'm sad and lost and lonely I have been chatting with my ex.

I just dont know how to leave. 9 years is a long time but I cant let it be the reason I stay. We dont have kids together but his sisters kids only know me as auntie...(I understand his sister kids sees you as that, and it will feel like a triple breakup, but your bf has done nothing to improve on himself, he is on a road of destructing himself and this will lead you to depression if you stay)

I'm stuck. I dont know what to do and it makes me want to break down