The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
The more i think about everything the more I realize that I don't want her back, I want somebody. Sure I miss my best friend but after everything that happened I don't really want to be her best friend anymore. I just am lonely. I want somebody. I want attention. I think if I just had somebody to hang out with and talk to I would feel infinetely better. I hope I can't find somebody soon
@SirPounceALot yes. I understand the feeling of loneliness. I just really felt like he was the one person in the world who understood me and he said he felt that way about me...but he found someone in two weeks and I'm struggling just to find someone to have a decent conversation with.
I discovered something beautiful just now... Well i guess rediscovered is a better term. I rediscovered my dream. Before I met her I was scared I wasn't good enough for my dream so I ran away from it. Then I used her as an excuse to "refind" the motivation for that dream with just some minor tweaks to it. Now I realized that I still want my original dream. My original dream was to graduate undergrad and then join the army as a medic and get as much experience as possible. Then once I get out of the army I was going to look at med school. With her my dream changed so much. I still want my dream. I decided I am going to work towards that dream. It is something I want. I am still afraid that I am not cut out for med school but that is why I want to join the army. I need experience, dedication, and structure and I think the army can give me all of those things. I am so young yet I had our entire lives planned out with her.... why?!?!?! I am 22 years old. I have lived about a quarter of my life on this earth. That means I have so much more life ahead of me. My potential is limitless. I feel empowered right now. Her leaving me just gave me the freedom to pursue my dream. When we dated I felt like I couldn't join the army anymore because I thought she wouldn't wait for me. Now I don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind. i'm free to leave and go do what I want to do without feeling shackled to my current life. Freedom is beautiful
I've realized something. I keep telling myself "no contact for 30 days, maybe after 30 days we can start over and hopefully be friends" but I've realized that it could never work. We can't ever talk ever again. After all we've been through, after the "love" we shared, after all the pain we caused each other.... we could never be anything ever again. We can't be friends. There's too much history. There's too much pain on both sides. It hurts to realize this. Honestly I still plan on reaching out to her after 30 days but only because I do still care about her and with all the family problems she is going through right now, I do want to make sure everything's okay. So after some time I will talk to her again but I think that's all it could ever be, us just checking on on each other because we do both care about each other. It hurts to realize that I will never get my best friend back
@SirPounceALot I made a huge mistake today. I sent him a text. I didn't get a reply so I'm assuming I was blocked on there also :( it hurts so much to know that I was blocked. I can't even be his friend. But like you said I don't think I can ever be friends with him. I care a lot about him also but I can't even check up on him because he wants nothing to do with me. I've had a rough day today. I woke up crying from a dream I had about him. I'm so disappointed in myself for sending that text. Who knows if he blocked my number or if he just ignored the text message. I'd never do any of that to him. I just can't accept that he wants nothing to do with me so suddenly.....
@bestCircle4395 hey don't think that way. Atleast you tried, you said what you needed to say. Whether or not he saw it is up to him not you. You did all you could do. It's better you send that text and try then regret it for your entire life. I know it's rough. We all just need to hang in there and hope that in time it'll get easier. That's all we can do
@SirPounceALot I keep telling myself I am proud for at least trying but it hurts to know that I've been rejected constantly by him. All I've done is try try try. Only to be blocked in the end...... I wonder what time is going to do for me. Will he ever realize what he lost? Will he ever try to reach out to me? I just feel like a fool for chasing him so much. I wish I didn't send that text today.
@bestCircle4395 in time hopefully we will all move on. Hopefully we will all find someone who deserves our love and live happily ever after.. atleast that's the goal but I can't promise you that it will happen. I can only promise you that in time eventually it will get easier, eventually the pain will stop. It might not be anytime soon but eventually the pain has to go away
@bestCircle4395
same thing happening with me. I am devastated
I absolutely love these moods when I actually feel good about myself and about my future. It's hard to explain. Just sometimes I feel like the king of the world and that I am better off without her. I don't know what brings these episodes on or why they happen but I love them. If I ever get off the therapists waitlist that I want to see they might end up telling me I'm bipolar because I literally go back and worth between this and absolutely depressed like 8 times a day. Either way right now I feel great. I noticed that I usually feel this way after I get back from work SO i think actually getting stuff done makes me feel this way. Maybe I should actually force myself to get more stuff done, I'd probably feel better all the time. Easier said then done but I am going to try that from now on
@SirPounceALot I get like that too. Some days I feel so happy and I think so positive. And some days are the complete opposite. Someone told me I may be bipolar but I don't know. I usually feel happy when I'm at work because I'm busy there and I don't have time to think about him. Staying busy is a good thing. I'm happy you know what to do to feel good.
@bestCircle4395 Ya staying busy is definetely important. And then sometimes I feel this way doing absolutely nothing so idk what it is. Today I finally realized that is has been a whole month since our first break up and that kinda set me thinking right. Like it has been a month without her. I have survived a month without her. Sure I didn't get everything I needed to do in that month done but I did a lot without her. I made progress without her. I am still here, without her. Like a full month has gone by since the first break up. I don't even count the second break up anymore casue I know that was her just being lonely and leading me on more. It has been over a month since my life changed forever and I am still here, still moving forward. If I can get through one month then I can get through another
@SirPounceALot it will be two months since he broke up with me tomorrow. Two weeks since we talked tomorrow also. Like you said, we're still here. Going through each day without them. We're still here. I always think that to myself. If we can go through one month, two months without them... We can do so much more time without them.
@bestCircle4395 exactly. It's easy to look at the time after the break up and say "wow I've done nothing" or "i'm still crying over it wtf" but i think it's better to look at it like "that shit couldnt take me down and I'm still kicking". Cause honeslty last week I almost killed myself like 3 seperate times and now I am so glad I didn't. Not even because anything has gotten better but just because I realized that everything wasn't as bad as i thought. I am still here and that is the best revenge I could ever get on anybody. Continuing to be myself and eventually getting over her will be the best revenge I could ever hope for.
@SirPounceALot I always ask myself why I'm still crying over him and al that. You're right when you say it's better to think that we're going through all of this. I'm going to start thinking that instead. Whenever I am feeling down in going to tell myself that I'm still getting through all this. He isn't here with me. I'm not talking to him. But I'm still here. I've had suicidal thoughts but I no longer think like that. I'm glad we were both able to get past that. This is going to make us stronger than ever and we have to start looking at it as a good thing. We are only getting closer to the person who is going to give us the love we deserve
@bestCircle4395 Ya i am trying to look back at everything with no regrets. I had a great time and shared some great memories with her but that's it. I can't dwell on the past or wish for changes that I can't control. I can only change the things in my control such as myself. I truly cannot wait to find that person who will give me all the love that I give her. I have so much love to give. Until then I am going to continue to survive by myself and do what's best for me. I hope you can do the same. Remember we all are human and it's fine to cry. Just give moving forward
My heart hurts
Every night I dream about her. In this dream we were at the beach again, again we were broken up but trying to be friends. We were walking along the beach to go get lunch just talking. I woke up after she said something confusing. It was either "something might happen between us" or "something is gonna happen" idk I couldn't hear her well but I jolted awake like out of nowhere. These dreams are killing me
@SirPounceALot
Wow that's not good your having dreams like that about her I have dreams about me and my fiancée romantic happy special ones but this of yours about her your dream is trying to tell you something did you ever go to the beach and had lunch with her while together just like your dream and if so did she ever say anything like that to you in person
@BrightRedFlower2322 the last time we spent time together before our second break up was at the beach.... it was on the drive home the she first said she wasn't in love with me.
I realized what she said in the dream. "She said something is going to happen with us for on our 1 year" like on our 1 year anniversary which is months away. These dreams are weird. Like right before we broke up for the second time I kept dreaming about her breaking up with me so now I think that all these dreams about us being friends maybe means we can be friends but I know that's ridiculous.
Now I'm over analysing everything. The last time we talked about 10 days ago I told her that I do still want to be friends but I can't have her in my life right now and that if I ever reach a point where I think I could have her in my life again I would reach out. I also said I wish you the best in life and that you find happiness. I sent a huge paragraph and she responded with "I wish you the best too". Do you think that since she ignored the whole part about us being friends that she was just saying goodbye in her own way? Now that I look at it, it looks like she isn't open to being friends anymore. Idk I know I shouldn't bother thinking about this yet but I would like to know if she even wants to be friends
@SirPounceALot I think you should give t some time before you approach her about wanting to be friends. My ex told me he wanted to be "best friends" and now I'm blocked on everything. I am sure he blocked me because I didn't leave him alone, I didn't give him the space that he asked for and he had to block me so he can get space away from me. I don't know if he'll ever unblock me.... I don't think he will. I think I'm staying blocked forever. He said a lot that messed with my mind and feelings though. The best advice I can give you is just give it time. Give it some time and then approach her and when you do approach her don't go straight to the question... Ask her how she is and stuff like that... Then ask about being friends.
@bestCircle4395 ya I know. That's why I'm giving it atleast a month. If I feel like I'm ready after a month I will reach out. If not then I won't. I need to give her space or she will truly hate me. I know all this it's just my dreams keep messing with me. I've calmed down now though. I just can't keep doing this every morning
@SirPounceALot don't just think about her... Think about yourself also. I am sure my ex sees me as a joke or he hates me but why should I care? I need to worry about myself. About my thoughts. About me. I need to become happy again. I wake up everyday still in shock about everything. I understand how you feel. There's some detail I left out about my ex and I and I wanted to ask you if I can talk to you about it? It's honestly killing me inside.
@bestCircle4395 of course. Message me anytime. We all need to help support each other
@SirPounceALot I have no idea how to message someone on here.. I barely started using this. Should I just post it here?
@bestCircle4395 lol i was just trying to figure that out. IF you are comfortable posting it in the forums then go for it. I'm here to listen
@SirPounceALot I am a bit embarassed. I have a lot to say...
@bestCircle4395 I understand. I am trying to become a listener so we could talk but Idk how to do it. Do you know of any online chat things that we could use?
@bestCircle4395 if you have a yahoo email we could use yahoo messenger? lol its all i could find
@SirPounceALot I will make a yahoo acount right now
@bestCircle4395 ok my yahoo email is toaster582@yahoo.com. Just google yahoo messenger after you make your account and you can message me from there
@SirPounceALot my email is exactly like my username on here with the @yahoo , message me whenever you are free
@bestCircle4395 or skype but i need to redownload it cause I lost it when I wiped my computer
When life knocks you down calmly get back up, smile, and say "you hit like a bitch"
Not doing so good right now. Literally was having a great day and then a random song that I have never heard before played in a youtube video randomly reminded me of her...... I am on the verge of tears right now because I miss our good times together. WTF literally a random song did this to me. I miss her so much. I miss talking to her. I miss my best friend. God dammit and now i'm crying again. I can't stop missing her, even after al lthe awful things she has done to me I still love her. I am still in love with her god dammit. I still want her back. I know it's over and I can't get her back but I want her back. I want to hold her in my arms again. I want to hug her tightly and never let go. I want to kiss her again and make her smile the same smile she alwasy does when I kiss her cheek. I want to hold her hand as we walk somewhere, anywhere. I want to be with her, right by her side. I want to just call her and tell her that I miss her but I know I can't. I hate this. I hate it soooo much. I would kill to just say "I miss you" and to hear her say "I miss you too". IF i could just have that I would be happy. I miss her more than anything in this world.
I can't stop crying and looking at pics of her and hugging the stuffed dog she gave me
