The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
I want to reach out to her so badly but I can't. I told her I wouldn't reach out until I was ready to try to be friends and I am so not ready. We can't be friends yet. I still love her too much. I need more time but I don't want time. I want her in my life even if it causes me pain. I am sooo close to just texting her right now and honestly I don't even know why i'm not. I guess because I promised myself i'd wait atleast a month...... I hate that I keep my promises.
@SirPounceALot I understand how you feel. I want to be friends. I want to be more than friends with him. But I have to respect myself and let him know that I do. He messed up with the way he handled things and wasn't completely honest with me. I can't sulk back and accept his scraps so soon...but I sent a fake butt text to see if he would reply. He replied right away..I miss him so much and it literally breaks my heart to realize he cares half as much as I do. I know he didn't let himself fall in love with me but I thought I was an important person in his life
@warmheartedHuman2014 it is so tough. Atleast he responded. But honestly you probably shouldn't have sent it. It will just cause you more pain now. I'm not proud to say that I might steal that fake butt text idea though. Who knows... i realyl shoudln't but i'm also curious if she'll respond. Just know what you deserve so much better and that we are here for you. Sorry if i suck at giving advice right now.... im kinda drunk again
@SirPounceALot your advice is good. Not sucky. 😊 thank you. I know he isn't ready for the kind of mature relationship and partnership I want. I'm just still hurt by the fact that he didn't talk to me about things before he rushed into something with this new girl. I'm also wondering what made he feel like he didn't want a relationship with me. Is it ever really a real reason to say you don't want to mess up the friendship after dating? Would I have been able to help him mature if I was a better woman?
@warmheartedHuman2014 you can't think about if you were better. That's just hurtful thinking. And really what I think about ex's trying to be friends is that is usually can't happen. Sure there are weird situations but I think mostly they can't because of all the pain caused. It's not that they want to forget you, it's that they think it would be easier on both of you in the long run
@SirPounceALot I know. I try no to think about myself like that. I go back and forth all day. It sucks because I don't really have any friends. and the more I try to meet new people, the more I am let down or end up feeling like i just don't belong anywhere and will never meet someone who loves me and wants me in their life as much as I do them. He was the one who wanted to stay friends, but I couldn't do it. I am still to hurt and feel like he treated me like an option and that he lied to me about his feelings. We just kept getting in arguments over misunderstandings ever few days. I just miss him and what we had so much sometimes and it hurts that he threw that away for a woman he doesn't even know. She has a reputation across the fleet for cheating on her ex...but he doesn't know that and I can't be the one to tell him. He feels special and thinks that she only cheated with him because the relationship was over and because he made her so happy...this just sounds like a repeat of all his past relationships to me...but i'm still hurt by the whole things. :(
@warmheartedHuman2014 I am in no place to give advice right now. I myself on struggling. I am on the verge of calling her right now. All i can say is that I am sorry and that I hope you get through this
I want to know if she still has our engagement ring and if she still listens to the playlist I made her. I want to know if she still thinks about me. If she misses me. If she does truly want to be friends. If she is completely over me. I have so many questions for her and I can't ask her any of them.
I need a hug
Tonight is going to get weird. I am going to meet up at the bar with some random strangers that I met on an online app. The guy seems friendly and offered to be my friend and help me get my mind off of her tonight. SO we are going to play beer pong at the bar. Part of me is happy that I might meet new friends tonight but the other part of me is scared that I am about to meet some random people for the first time. I feel like they might not even show up or it'll be some creep. I just don't wanna be lonely or else I would never do this. Well wish me luck tonight
@SirPounceALot hey, how did it go at the pub with the new people?
You can't afford your rent for the apartment but yet you can afford to get drunk how dose that work you can afford to go to pubs and bars but you say you can't afford to stay in your apartment you can't afford both rents but yet you do this seems a bit weird totally you have to think about schooling and your apartment that's a bit more important then trying to find another girlfriend and getting drunk and going to the pubs you have to think about your future schooling your apartment not getting drunk it doesn't get you anywhere once you finish schooling then you can hang out at the pubs and get drunk cause schooling is finished you have to think about your future not your drunk presence good luck and all the best hope you can over come all of this
@BrightRedFlower2322 i buy dirt cheap alcohol and i never buy a drink at the bar. I don't start classes again until late august so now I just have all this down time... I know I shouldn't spend any money on booze but I can't control myself right now. It's the only thing that makes me happy. I really know I am destroying myself but it's hard not too. I'm hoping maybe tonight I can make some new friends and then I won't be so lonely. I can't stop this cycle of self destruction. Every morning I wake up sad, do the whole self loathing thing, get motivated somehow, work out, try to accomplish atleast something during the day, and then get drunk at night. It's a vicious cycle that I can't escape. I am stuck. I don't feel like I am moving forward anymore. The only progress i am making is improving my excercise routine. SOOO on the one hand I look great, almost tied for the best shape of m life. On the other hand I am still extremely depressed, barely getting anything done, and slowly killing myself with alcohol........
@BrightRedFlower2322 ya I know I need to stop drinking. I really am trying to but it's hard. Alcohol makes me social and then I atleast talk to somebody instead of sitting in my room crying. In a college town getting drunk is all there is to do late at night
I'm sorry. I've matured in the breakup department. He is moving waaaay accross country. I will still be here in the backed up mess I was swimming in before I met him. I had written down reasons why I shouldn't love him like I do. For example: Jepordizing my freedom, being a womanizer, randomly spending the night out, if not for days at a time, letting his friends disrespect me. When we moved together he put his families pictures up instead of ours. I have a million reasons why it's easy to stay away. Mainly, he has no self respect and is contradictive as to just getting his rocks off verbally smaking me around. Bit, I'm good, he is the bigger person and in certain instances, the "bigger" they are the harder they fall.
i'm too drunk to deal with life, I can barely type. Life sucks. thats fact. but i shakll continue to struggle. I will fight for wjat i want. oi may puke tonight butr i will srivive tomorow, i love yoi all. we all deserve hapiness
@SirPounceALot
We'll don't drink to much yeah it may be dirt cheap but every penny every cents still adds up and saving money is a way to go don't waste it save it and get things that you really need and want booze doesn't solve anything cause your problems will still be there any ways waiting for you so its pointless I don't drink I don't smoke its no point it gets you no where but a deeper hole with less money cause you wasted every coin you had when You can put that in a jar add it up over time and buy food to last you till you get paid again we'll good luck making friends and be careful about sharing PERSONAL information ON HERE okay :) have lovely day night which ever one lol
Everytime I get into a relationship I'm the one that gets dumped & the Last to move on my most recent ex who I'm still very much in love with has moved on & it fucking hurts kills even knowing she happy with someone else and I'm not the one to make her happy thoughts of her keep me up at night memories keep me depressed feels like my entire world coming to A end
Just woke up extremely hung over. Last night was alot of fun. I made a friend and he introduced me to his friends. Me and him ended up coming in 2nd place in the beer pong tournament so we won a gift card to that bar. We used most of it to celebrate. Sure it was awkward at first but the guy was really cool and outgoing and talked to me about alot of things. He is a fraternity founding father and he wanted to recruit me but sadly I'm not a full time student. Damn I would've joined too. But atleast I made a friend. And I talked to alot of people. It was a really weird good night
I feel odd. I feel like I am almost happy. I don't know how to explain it. Like I am so close to happiness that I can almost reach out and touch it but I still can't reach it. It's so close. Something in my gut is telling me that today will be a good day. I am going to make today a good day. Today I am going to be happy