The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
I feel great mentally today but physically I am about to puke. I cannot continue to drink like this. My stomach feels like it's about to explode. I guess the poison I have been drinking finally caught up to me. This is awful. I don't want to drink anymore but tonight I know some friends of mine are going to the bar. I want to go with them but I physically can't. I say that now but who knows what I will say in 6 hours
I'm literally on the verge of calling her. I don't even know what I have to say but I have to talk to her. I am trying not to but I might do it
That was a close one. I was so close to texting her or calling her. If i hadn't promised myself I would wait a month I would've just called her. It's too soon. I wanted to tell her that i still want to be friends but thats dumb. I don't even know if that is something I would want. I think I only want to be friends so that in the future maybe I could be more but I know that is stupid. I know all of this is stupid. I shouldn't have in her my life but I want her in my life. I want her back. I still need time. Maybe by the time 30 days of no contact does come around I will have figured out what I want. But right now why should I contact her when I don't even know what I want
I'm extremely nervous right now. Today I absolutely NEED to make some phone calls to make sure I can afford to take classes and keep my apartment here. I'm terrified that these calls might not go well. If they don't I might be screwed. I really hope everything works out and that I can stay.
....... neither of the people that I needed to talk to answered and my deadline is coming up soon. I may be screwed
Not doing the best today on the whole "don't thinkg of her" thing. I see little bits of her in everything now. I can't even watch tv without relating it to me and her. Really want to contact her and let her know I miss her. I really just want her back. I thought once I started talking to other girls it would take my mind off of her. Kinda did for a little but I still want her. I'm stuck
I am in such a self destructive mood right now. I hate everything. I got a 8hr work shift soon and I know it's gonna suck. Part of me just wants to drink until I can't feel. Really tempted to go back to smoking cigarettes even though quiting those was hell. The thought that I might lose my apartment and have to drop out of school is killing me. I'm so afraid I'm going to fail. I'm afraid of what I might do in an attempt to raise that money. I'm afraid that I'm turning back into the horrible person I used to be. I've come so far and now I might lose it all. I'm drowning here
Kinda want to punch my manager in the face and walk out on my shift. If I'm gonna lose the apartment I mind as well go out in style and enjoy my last 10 days in this town. I'm in such a shit mood today. Still can't get her off my mind along with the stress of everything. I feel like I'm about 1 little step from a full blown break down
I miss her and I still can't give up hope that we can be together again. I can't stop looking at us like a movie, I feel like this is just the bad part of the movie where we separate but then we both realize that we want to be together again. I know it's cheesy but I can't stop looking at it like that. I am still waiting for her to come back to me. I'm still stuck waiting for her and I can't stop myself. I want to move forward without her but I can't... it doesn't even matter. If I lose my apartment I'll be like an hour and a half away from her and then we really couldn't be together ever
@SirPounceALot I know how you feel...I still see him as the one for me...so much so that I just did something bad...I have a fake Facebook account from when my other ex and I broke up...I purchased a get him back by text program, but I sent the link to the ex-boyfriend of the girl the guy I am in love with is seeing now...through my fake account so he won't know we have a connection. :( I feel like shit and I have never done anything like this before...
@SirPounceALot love messes with our self control. Probably not the best idea but sometimes we do things we can't explain. Humans are weird like that
@SirPounceALot yeah. I know :( I just can't imagine how he fell in love with a girl after two weeks of casual sex and let that destroy everything we had...like its feels like he doesn't even care how I feel. He hasn't checked up on me and she will join my ship on Monday...I don't want to meet her right now... :(
I am helpful but need more time to become more helpful .
