The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
That was the last straw. I have decided that I will not check any of her social media ever again (I really will try my best not to from now on). I have decided that I am going to stop caring about her. I am really debating whether or not to burn all the things she has given me so that nothing will remidn me of her but this appartment alone reminds me of her so I think that is impossible. I Don't want to waste any more of my life thinking/caring about her if I don't mean anything to her. She isn't worth it. And yes I know that eventually I will hopefully meet someone who deserves my love but right now its hard to think about that because atleast for a while I don't think I could ever trust another human being. I am the only person I trust. She actually destroyed the little faith I still had in humanity. She destroyed my hope in love. She destroyed me. I will rebuild but I don't know how I will or how long it will take. I feel so betrayed. I feel like I wasted so much time in my life. I just feel stupid. I truly thought I would always love her well now I will always hate her. I thought she'd always have a special place in my heart but now I just wish I didn't waste so much time with her. She never deserved me. I am better than her. She thinks she pitied me but really she never even came close to deserving me. As much as I don't feel like I could evr love again I truly cannot wait until I meet someone who deserves my love and will give me the love I give them back. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic.
I just woke up and for the first morning in 3 weeks I don't feel like I need to cry because she isn't laying next to me. I'm thankful she isn't. I feel so free....extremely hungover, but also free. I also just feel so much hatred towards her. I don't like that I hate her but she made me hate her. Her actions showed that I never mattered to her. Now I feel like I can actually start to move on. Now the only problem is I am lonely. I wish I had someone close to me in my life and hopefully I will find someone soon. I still crave love and affection but I no longer what that from her, not if it comes with pity. I never want to be pitied again so I plan on becoming a man that no one can pity. I'm going to become the man I want to be. I'm going to become a man that she will regret leaving and then I will pity her. I am field by hatred but atleast I'm fueled by something other than false hope now.
We were together for 2 years. He was my absolute best friend and the only friend I really had. I trusted him with all of my darkest secrets and he always loved me unconditionally. But now? It's like he turned a switch off in his brain and he's a completely different person. I'm going to try my best to stop texting him now. I deleted social medias so I wouldn't be stalking him or anything because it makes it worse. Before we broke up he was dealing with a lot of depression issues and I had no idea that all of it had to do with me. He wouldn't tell me anything and started to be distant. He just decided to wake up and forget I existed. I bought him a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card so we could both go out to eat since that's his favorite place to eat and he told me no and to get a refund on it. A few days later after we broke up he went there with a girl that I don't really care for. If anything that's one of the biggest 'fuck you's' there is. He's been through this before with another girl so it was easy for him to just drop me. He's already moved on. And he doesn't care for me anymore. I only wish I could stop crying my eyes out and losing sleep over a boy who doesn't even care if I existed.
@WonderLustSoul That is rough. I understand how badly it hurts to just be dropped from someones life. To be cut out like you meant nothing. Honestly I can only give you advice that kinda worked for me but I know it won't be easy for you to do. Truly start thinking about yourself, think about all the things you can do without him, think about doing your own best everyday. Some days your best is getting a lot done, some days your best is putting on pants. Just continue to do your best and take care of yourself. If his actions change and he reached out to you then you can MAYBE think about him again but don't let him over run your thoughts. Take it one step at a time.
@SirPounceALot Thank you, that means a lot
@WonderLustSoul. Our situations are so similar that I just wanted to write and say I understand. I was with my boyfriend for a year but he had been becoming one of my best friends for months before that. He was the first person that I completely trusted and let myself be vulnerable with. I knew he had depression issues going in, but he too started to change and once we hit a year he freaked out. That feeling of just being "dropped" is definitely a miserable feeling. I know how difficult it is to try not to reach out and contact him. Definitely just take that day by day, or even half day by half day. I have had to kind of train myself not to text him. I tell myself that I can't text him till after 5pm, then I get to 5 and I tell myself I can wait till 6...and I just kind of keep pushing it back until the day is over and I have gone a day without texting him! Don't know if that will help you but I thought I would share. I have realized there is no perfect way to get through this except really trying to put yourself first. Thank you for sharing what you are going through.
@intuitiveOwl1454 Thank you, that really helps. I've actually gone a day without texting him now.
@WonderLustSoul Good for you! Now you know you can do it! I have had my little setbacks, but each time it is a little easier to go longer without texting.
She was my best friend and she ruined it by hurting me and she moved on while I cried and now I promise myself not to cry for fake people
@Imsourwolf Same here man. She isn't worth your tears or your time. It still hurts, nothing can change that until you change that yourself but once you realize that it starts to get easier. You deserve better.
@SirPounceALot thanks man
I still just can't stop thinking about her saying our entire relationship was her pity dating me. So apparently about 2 months ago when I was about to break up with her and she cried all night and wouldn't let me go to sleep until I agreed to stay with her, that was her pity dating me. Her telling me that she needs to sleep over all the time because she can't fall asleep unless she is in my arms, is her pity dating me. Her making me promise that I would always stay by her side and fullfill my promise of marrying her, was her pity dating me. Her telling me that her home is wherever she is by my side, was her pity dating me. Her literally not being able to go 2 days without seeing me was her pity dating me. Her crying for like 3 weeks straight after she had a miscarrage with our accidental baby because she wanted to start a family with me, was her pity dating me. I don't know if she was lying about our entire relationship or she was just lying on twitter to seem like a cold hearted bitch but either way she is an awful human being. I am still so furious. I want to talk to her about this but I know I can't. Maybe once time passes I will be able to ask her about this but I honestly don't know if I want to hear the answer or ever hear her voice again.
I'm getting there slowly. I still feel so much pain. I just woke up from a nap and I had to force myself not to cry. I don't know why I even was about to cry. I know it's human to feel pain over the loss but I don't want to shed tears over her anymore. She isn't worth it. Today I barely accomplished anything but I still exercised and today that was the best I could do. I have a weird gut feeling right now. My gut is telling me to reach out to her but I know I can't. My gut feels like something is wrong, like she needs me, but I know that she isn't reaching out to me so I can't. Honestly I know I don't even want to but my gut won't stop screaming. I just feel so weird right now.
I'm in such a weird mood tonight. Like I hate her guts and I never want to date her again but I really miss her. I miss her as my best friend. I want to be a ble to talk to her as friends again. I know that is most likely impossible but I still just miss my best friend. I don't like the idea that we will never be in each others lifes ever again. And like I'm not sad or crying over her or anything, I just feel like I miss her in my life. I feel soooo weird. I know it is still so early but I do have hope that in time we could be friends again. I know I shouldn't even try to think about that yet but I think I want to be friends with her eventually. Atleast friendly enough where we could meet up every once in a while and just catch up on each others lives. I don't think we could ever hang out alot any more.
@SirPounceALot idk why I post this. I know deep in my heart that we could never be friends again. Ya maybe in the future we could catch up and make sure each other's lives are going well but we could never be friends. I want to be friends with her but I don't at the same time. I know it would be so painful. It would be so painful to hear about her having fun without me, or about her having sex with another man and if we were friends I'd find out about those things. Just seeing her face again would hurt me. We can never be friends and idk if she can ever be in my life again. I know this but I still miss her
@SirPounceALot
I know I'm just a member but I'm here for you of you need to talk and plus there are loads of lovely people on here you can talk to one on one or in a group which ever helps you more I'm sorry for your pain and loss and heart ache its just terrible I know your trying your best to get over her and that's a great thing your doing always try your best and hardest to achieve what you want in life and from life I would love to have more children and it hurts me and cuts me deeply when my partner says NO he doesn't want kids right now I have a lovely beautiful baby girl but I don't want her being the only child I want to give her a gift a baby brother or sister but I'm not stopping till I extend my family further out and have as many kids as I would love to have so you gotta fight for what you want in life and to help yourself even more you have to go that extra mile to get to the other side away from your ex build a stronger healthier steady bridge for yourself x :)
@BrightRedFlower2322 thank you. All of your posts and responses on this thread mean alot to me. I know that I need to move on. This entire thread has been my way of venting while I attempt to do that. Honestly I started doing this because over half of my fights with her started because I said something. I like to talk my feelings through but she never liked to discuss things like this so I'm using this thread as a way to rant with it being directed at her. I know I will get through this but it's hard to see the other side right now.
@SirPounceALot
Your very welcome :) I'm glad I could be of help to you during this time and that's totally fine you can vent and rant as much as you want on this because its helping you a lot and also that way you can read all of your Post's and go oh wow she wasn't the person I thought she was and did I really do that wow I can see what I need to do cause some people read there posts again and again and they realize they wasted half there energy and breath one a worthless hurtful person who's not worth your time at all I'm glad your on here and its helping you :)
@BrightRedFlower2322 that's exactly what I'm doing. I like to read back and just see how far I've come in just a few days. And know that other people are reading it makes me feel like I'm not so alone. I have already realized that she isn't worth any of this but it'll take time for me to get over her. I'm not like her. Our time together meant something to me and I need to grieve the loss of my best friend. I can't just move on like it's nothing. The amount of times I've screamed into the night "I'm human and I care" is getting pretty high but it's true. Human beings are meant to care. If she truly could spend all the time we spent together and then just stop caring then I truly pity her
I realized something. I honestly think I don't want to even have her in my life anymore but I'm just lonely. Idk if I'm ready to be in another relationship right now but I want to be in a relationship so badly. And it makes me feel like crap to know that she has already been on another date, like I know it's easier for girls but it's just not fair. She doesn't want to be in a relationship yet she still can get a date and I want to love someone with all my heart and I can't get a girl to talk to me. I just want someone to talk to and start over with. Like I miss the beginning of a relationship where you get to know each other and everything is exciting. Honestly it's crappy to say but I want someone's attention. I want to start over and be with somebody. It sucks to be a guy. It's so hard to meet girls
@SirPounceALot
That's good sorry if I'm not helping much right now I'm in a low place I feel so upset depression and anxiety are getting close to the line , I'll try my best while I'm crying and writing this its good your getting over her slowly yeah it will take time but don't worry you'll be over her I get where your coming from I'd be the same heaps upset and all that like you if I lost my fiancée even though were not close anymore there's a huge gap between us right now but don't rush into another relationship while your still getting over your ex cause the new girl wouldn't want to hear about your ex this ex that ex and I did this we went to this same place as we are now bit its with you if you can get my point of view it wouldn't be a good idea dating a new girl while talking about your ex and not talking to the new girl about what she likes and so on and so on once your ready for another relationship go for it go out there and meet new people you say its easy for girls to find someone it doesn't matter what age you are what gender you are what you look like and that its still hard for both men and women to find the right one or to find anyone at all
@BrightRedFlower2322 I'm sorry that you are so upset. Just know that I truly do appreciate all of your responses. I completely getget what you are saying about how it's hard for anyone to find the one but I'm just upset that she found another one so easily. Like honestly we met through tinder and when we matched she was my 4th match and I was her 300 something match. Girls do have it easier finding people to talk to. Sure most the guys they can talk to are creeps and just want sex but she has that option. I have no options. I know It wouldn't be fair to rush back into a relationship right now and talk about my ex, that's not what I want. I want to take it slow with someone new and just not be so lonely. I just miss being the person someone wants to talk to. For like the last 2 months of our relationship I felt like I was just a habit to her in the way she talked to me. I want to be the person someone wants, I want to be someone that has another person checking their phone constantly cause they miss me. I want to be wanted because right now I feel so unwanted I'm life. I feel thrown away like trash
I feel so worthless and intimidated by life this morning. I can't sleep more than 4 hours and all I want to do right now is close my eyes and forget my problems for a while. I can't find the motivation to do the things that I need to do today. I can't find the motivation to do anything. Right now it's not even her that's hurting me, it's life. I am just so tired yet I can't sleep. I want to sleep so badly. I need to sleep. I hate feeling so worthless
@SirPounceALot
Thanks its alright I'll be okay i know you appreciate all my post im very great full you do thank you means a lot I'll be fine really we'll that I can understand why it be easy for her its easy for some girls to find other men cause they can be looking for others while taken some men go on appearances and everything else while others go by personalities its also what a girl says to a guy just wanting bedroom buddies or anything I prefer talking to men then women I don't know why lol I don't really get along well with females and I'm one haha lol i get along better with males prob cause i like cars getting my hands dirty
@SirPounceALot
Thanks its alright I'll be okay i know you appreciate all my post im very great full you do thank you means a lot I'll be fine really we'll that I can understand why it be easy for her its easy for some girls to find other men cause they can be looking for others while taken some men go on appearances and everything else while others go by personalities its also what a girl says to a guy just wanting bedroom buddies or anything I prefer talking to men then women I don't know why lol I don't really get along well with females and I'm one haha lol i get along better with males prob cause i like cars getting my hands dirty
@SirPounceALot
You are not worthless you are a unique special guy who have a loving caring heart who just wants to be treated right with respect honesty and grow a strong relationship with someone who can also be your best friend you got treated rough and poorly and got mislead by a nobody who likes hurting people they get with who knows how many more men are our there like you cause of her you are a wonderful person never change who you are any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you a girl who is worth your time and love you deserve a girl who's lucky to have you chin up and smile pleaseee :) your a great person 
@BrightRedFlower2322 I need to hear that so badly. Thank you
I need to refocus myself. I can't continue to think about her. My mind needs to focus on myself and what I need/want to do. She needs to be the last thing on my mind, not the first. Recently I have felt like I've been falling back into my obsession. Honestly I've checked her social media a few times in the past few days. That needs to stop. I need to worry about myself and do what's best for me. I can't sleep but that just means more time to do things. I'm going to go work out like I have been doing everymorning so that I may continue to improve myself. If I can only work out today then atleast I accomplished something. Step by step I will get to where I want to be, even if I am unsure as to where that is.
@SirPounceALot
Naww you are very welcome anytime I'm glad to be of help :) and yes you totally do have to think about yourself and look after yourself take better care of yourself this time this moment its about you and your goals and what you want to achieve
@BrightRedFlower2322 I want to tell you the exact same thing. Take care of yourself too. This moment is about you. You are an amazing person and you deserve the world
