The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
I feel alot better. I have been relaxing playing my game and having a drink. I just wish I could get off this rollercoaster. I'm sick of my emotions going up and down like that. I can't wait until the therapist I signed up for gets me off the waiting list and into the office. I need help, I honestly think I could be bipolar but idk. I just hate not being in control of myself sometimes. Like I never want to check her social media but it just happens. Atleast I have gotten better from the begining. In the begining I called her like 20 times in one night because I would call her and have no clue I was even calling her. My mind is not right. I cannot wait until I start to feel like me again. I can feel the old me coming back a little more each day which is a good and bad thing. Old me was depressed but atleast old me had fun while being sad. I am still struggling with the fact that it's over and that she isn't in my life anymore. Like I sometimes feel like she will reach out to me but I know she won't. I know it's over but it's hard to accept. I don't like being single again. I just want to hold someone. I would kill to sleep with someone, not sex, sleep. I want to watch a movie with someone will cuddling and then fall asleep in their arms. That would be heaven right now.
Also I just hate how every girl I look at reminds me of her somehow. I don't understand it but i'll look at a girl and be like "o they have the same cheeks" or "the same eyes". Girls that look completely different. Like today in the grocery store I thought a girl with blue hair was my ex from behind..... My ex has brown hair but she always talked about dying it blue so I thought she did it and that it was her. It's rough to be constantly reminded of her
@SirPounceALot
I understand part of it wanting to lay next to someone feel there warmth watch movies do things together my fiancée and I there's a huge hole between us he hardly sleeps in bed with me anymore we hardly kiss don't hardly touch each other its been 5 months since we made love (special sex) he's to busy playing his damn Xbox doesn't hardly notice me I miss the company of one I know that feeling I'm in a relationship and its like this :'( I've seen a few guys that look like my ex he's a abusive woman basher physically mentally financially abusive when I see people like that I run and hide I know it's not my ex cause I moved far away from him and lost contact which is good
You'll be alright it will take time your mind is playing tricks on you your mind thinks that it's her but it isn't really you don't want it to be her but your mind wants its to be her our minds have a mind of there own and play tricks on us half the time
@BrightRedFlower2322 Ya my mind is mean. I'll tell it not to think of her and then 10 minutes late I realize i've been thinking of some weird scenario where she would come back to me. It messes with me and I don't even realize it until I have wasted 10 minutes thinking of something that's never going to happen
@BrightRedFlower2322 Also I'm sorry he doesn't realize what he has is amazing. Just from you posts I can see that you are an amazing person and the any guy would be lucky to have you. You are so kind and truly helping me through my shit. I appreciate your existance
Who needs love though when you have booze. Booze is cheaper than a girlfriend. Booze will never leave you. Booze won't lie to you, booze is honest. Booze won't pretend to love you when it really resents you. Sure booze might kill your liver and make you puke occasionally but boooze won't break your heart, build it back up, and then break it again. Seriously I love booze!
@SirPounceALot
Yeah the brain dose that to people its horrible at times lol I hope you can do things to get your mind of that hurtful person hobbies are good and games too also music helps as well hope things will help you
Naww that's really sweet of you thank you that's very nice and kind of you thank you means a lot I hope he changes cause he spends 24/7 on the damn Xbox hardly talks to me unless he wants something other then that he ignores me at times he gets pead off when I don't cook for one night which gets me down he can do things he just chooses not too wants to live like a slob that's why I don't pay much attention to him always doing my craft's reading my book or doing house work till I hurt and can't move and its just me and my daughter thanks not many people realize what they got is special and unique until its gone appreciate what you have and got in life before its too late I'm like that with my daughter she's my Angel my bundle of joy :)
I'm always here for you I'll always post on here helping the best I can and making sure your alright and doing okay :)
@BrightRedFlower2322 Your daughter is lucky to have such an amazing mother. She really is. I'm always here for you too
Alright so i'm officially pretty drunk and I know I really shouldn't keep drinking or even attempt to go to the bar but I still might. I am just afraid that if I go to the bar the same thing that happened last time will happen. I'll get way too drunk, barely talk to anyone, and then feel like complete shit for barely even trying. I just don't have confidence yet. And I don't have friends to back me up. I'll probably end up going, barely do anything, and come home sad and then post more because this thread is one of the few things keeping me going.
@SirPounceALot GOALS for tonight. Don't puke or get arrested, no crying, and NO CHECKING HER SOCIAL MEDIA
@SirPounceALot
Naww thanks she is very lucky to have me and I'm very lucky to have her too :) thanks means a lot to me knowing that your here for me as well I'm happy to be here for you too :)
Please don't get in trouble and please obey the law if you go out while drunk please be okay
I don't what state your in but I'm in Australia and if I don't reply till later its cause I'm busy its during the day here :) please be okay alright I'm here for you
@BrightRedFlower2322 I'll be fine. Just knowing someone cares means the world to me. I promise i'll be good. Have a great day. You deserve it
I lasted a half hour..... I HATE being single, I HATE the bars, I HATE my luck. So i went to the first bar and it was beat so i left. I went to my old favorite bar and I ran into an old friend (one of the girls I used to party with who my ex hated) She immediately ran over, hugged me, and danced on me for like 10 secs. Then she went "WAIT why are you here? where is your girlfriend?" So i told her that she broke up with me and that I am here alone cause why not. She immediately started to pity me, danced on me again, and gave me another hug and then went back to dancing on random guys. I almost lost it. I don't want to be pitied anymore. That was so rough. I know now that all the girls I used to hang with will know about my breakup in a few days. She was the only girl I talked to. I couldn't approach anyone and start any conversations. I have zero convidence. I don't want to be single. THis sucks!!!!! I fail miserably at being single. I have no friends to go to the bars with. Maybe in the future I can ask her if I can go with her and her friends but they never really liked me anyway. I'm never going to be able to get another girl. I feel so undesirable. It sucks. At home I want to be outside and social but the second I leave the house I want to retreat back into safety. I am not ready. Atleast I got to hug another girl tonight and dance for like 10 secs but I just want to cuddle someone now. I want to hold a girl in my arms so badly. I just feel like the most pathetic loser ever! How could I have fallen so far???? I am holding back tears right now because I refused to cry tonight. Now i'm just drunk and sad. I will do my best to keep my goals of the night. No tears, no checking her social media, and no puking/ getting arrested. idk what to do now. I can't believe I could only handle 30 mins of the outside world. I am broken. I can't go back to the guy I was before. She destroyed me
I feel like I will never find someone again. I know that I will eventually but like it took me 22 years to be in my first serious relationship (atleast I thought it was serious). I was never good with women and I have only had 5 sexual partners. Now without friends I don't know how to be out there and social. I was alwasy the crazy social one in my friend group but that was because I had my friends behind me to laugh and cheer me up after I got rejected. A typical night at the bar used to involve getting rejected 20 times and then hanging with my friends. Now with no friends and after being broken up with I have no confidence to be rejected. Wanna hear something messed up? I'm short. Not like midget short but i'm only 5'6. I have always been insecure with my height. After my ex and I got back together after we broke up she told me that my height always kinda bothered her. I was still taller than her but she wanted me to be taller. To hear that from someone you kove hurts. To hear that my biggest insecurity was an issue to her killed me inside. Now I walk around and I feel like a midget. I feel like I can't talk to any girls taller than me or even close to my height. I wish I was taller so badly.
My confidence is gone. I don't want to be single. I don't know how to be single. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do anymore. Literally one of the only reasons I could think of to stay alive was that there was plenty of other fish in the sea but honestly I can't even go fishing yet. I am beyond broken. Honestly if I can't even talk to women anymore than I don't have any reasons to live. That was the only reason I could think o to keep moving forward. It sucks too because with all the exercise I have been doing I look really good but I still have no confidence. Like I look in the mirror and like what I see but then I go outside and see all the other guys and think "I don't compare to them" Seriously her saying that one thing about my height striped me of all of my confidence. Now i feel like I am too short to talk to women
I feel like I am meant to always be alone, to die alone, to be an observer of love but never truly experience it. I feel like I don't deserve love or hapiness. I am just another useless life on this planet. I waste more than I am worth. I am a drain on those around me. My death will affect nobody. The only reason she cared that I didn't hurt myself is because she didn't want that on her conscience. I am a mistake
I need to stop being sad over her. I'm sad that I lost love but I'm not sad over losing her. She didn't deserve me. I will find someone who deserves my love eventually. As sad as I am I know that life goes on. As insecure as I am I know I am worth it. As hurt as I am I still feel like I am better than this. Hahahaha I guess the old me is still there. I always had an almost undeserved amount of confidence and I still do. I just need to bring it out of me. Maybe next bar trip I can do better. There will always be a next time
Screw this lack of confidence stuff. Sure I'm short but God damn do I look good. Less than a month of exercise and I'm already getting ripped again. I'm going to bring my confidence back. I am an amazing guy and I deserve the world too. And God damn I'm going to give myself the world instead of giving it to someone else. And if a girl has a problem with my height then she is dumb because I'm a great guy and I'm a catch
@SirPounceALot I wish I had this much confidance haha !!!
@SirPounceALot
Your 5'6 really I'm somewhere along there myself height weight dose not matter looks don't either its the person themselves that matter you can feel like trash look like trash but that person can still hurt you its who they are that counts of they fail as a friend they are not worth your time if they pass as a friend but fail as a partner they are not worth your time nor energy if they pass as a friend pass as a partner then that person is the right one for you its how they talk dress act around you and family if they are not serious about you and the future with you they are not worth your time nor breath you have to find someone who wants that dream future with you to happen not pretend to skip around and dance like a fake fairy and laugh and hurt you like your ex you need a girl that has it all worked out and planned out and her head in the right direction with you and only you you'll find someone way better your ex will see you one day all bulk build up and she would be jaw open thinking my god I can't believe I left him for someone who is lower then low look at him he's totally awesome and you can rub that right into her face bulk build handsome with an amazing pretty girl holding your hand walking around the shops thinking to your self haha look at me now you thought you won and hurt me for life well guess what yeah it hurt but look at me now I'm a whole new man and you can never have it you think you won but guess what I won not you and you'll be ignoring your ex and walking off while feeling so great and amazing
@BrightRedFlower2322 I know. Honestly half of my motivation to get back in shape is for that to happen. When we first broke up and then got back together I had already started to look more fit and when we got back together she was like "damn you look good". I want the next time she sees me to be like "holy crap what did I give up" so I need to start looking good and feeling good. I can't just look good though, I need to be in a better place so that she can truly see I've changed. I just want to rub it in her face. It sounds awful but I want her to regret leaving me but then I want to be in a good enough place where I won't take her back. And I truly want to be with somebody better. It's just hard for a shorted guy with no friends to meet girls in a college town. I need friends to go to the bars with or I just look creepy. Eventually I will find that special someone and I will not think about my ex. Honestly my ex will always have a place in my heart though and I never want to forget her, that's just the type of guy I am. I don't like to completely forget about people who were a huge part of my life. I just wish I could meet someone soon. The loneliness is the hardest part
