The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
So I checked again. Well atleast I know why my heart felt weird. She had already blocked me on instagram but now she made he twitter orivate so I can't see her tweets. THis is a good thing I know but now I am just confused. I guess maybe she realized I could see them but i don't know. I can still see her tumblr so that's not good. Her tumblr is still all about love. Now i'm just so confused as to why she made her twitter private. I just really miss her right now. Honestly I miss her as a friend. I know its still early. I told myself I would give it atleast a month of no contact before I even decided if I wanted her in my life as a friend but I feel like I do. I know I don't want her as a friend because that would be so painful and it wouldn't work but I miss her friendship. I miss her
@SirPounceALot My ex and I talked about being friends. He told me he wanted to be my friend and I went along with it because I wanted him in my life. He tried being my friend but I kept bugging him about still loving him and stuff like that. That led him to block me. If you want to be her friend, give it time until the feelings you have for her start to drift away. My ex was so annoyed with me and told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore because he didn't want to give me any hope. But he already did wrong in that by saying all of those things to me. I miss my ex too and I want to text him so bad, but we can't. We have to be strong and give this time. We can't be chasing them all the time. We have to let them miss us. And we have to use this time to love ourself
@bestCircle4395 That's exactly what happened with me and my ex. We tried to be friends but she got mad at me because we couldn't hang out at all without me bringing up our past and how I still loved her. I know that I need time. It's just really hard to give myself and her that time
@SirPounceALot I feel the exact same way. This is the longest that I haven't talked to him. It's been almost two weeks. I want to reach out to him so bad, but then I think to myself... What for? To be told men's things again or to be ignored? I've never allowed my ex to chase after me. And I don't know if it will ever happen. We both just need time to see what happens. I always think to myself that something better is coming. Do you remember how happy she made you feel? Now imagine how happy the person you are meant to be with will make you feel. Try to think positive. I know it's so hard. I cried this morning and I've been a wreck. It's like a roller coaster but eventually it'll come to an end and we will be okay
@bestCircle4395 I know. It's only been a week since we last talked... Kinda. Last sunday I texted her saying that she was right during our fight. We needed space and time and that if I ever felt like we could be friends I'd reach out and that I wish her the best. She responded with I wish you the best too. She said nothing about trying to be friends so like I don't know if she wants to. Like I keep thinking maybe she does want to reach out but since I told her I would when I am ready that she is forcing herself not to. I guess i put the ball in my own court for reaching out and now I regret that. Cause I don't know if I ever will be ready and I don't want to have to make the first move again
@SirPounceALot I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I am in a similar situation. I had a best friend that we ended up dating kind of last year when we worked together. I've been hoping to see him again this year and almost got his ship, but it didn't work out and he said he still wasn't ready for a relationship...and then two days later started hooking up with this girl on his ship and a week or so later convinced himself he is in love with her. This happened in the past month....he was really upset that this ruined our friendship but obviously not enough and the trust is so broken that we always ended up in arguments or not knowing how to talk to each other...I should block him so I stop looking at his profile, but I know I won't see anything about them on there because she had a boyfriend until a week ago and she wants to keep their relationship secret for a while...I'm so hurt that what we shared for two years was thrown away for a girl he just met who had a boyfriend... But he and I never said anything too bad to each other but the fact that I feel so betrayed probably means we will never be able to be friends again especially since he lives so far away..
Alot of her tumblr posts make me believe that she still misses me. Like I know that she knows that we could never be together again but I think she misses my friendship. I miss her too. I think right now I couldn't be friends with her yet. I am still so hurt and still not over her at all. But I truly think that if I ever get over those things that we both do want to be friends and maybe even we could. It's dumb and painful but I miss her in my life and I think she misses me. I want to reach out to her and ask her if she still wants to be friends but I can't. I am going to continue with my month of no contact. And at the end of the month if i feel I am ready then I will contact her about being friends. If I am not ready then I begin another month of no contact. I just don't like her not being in my life at all ever again.I miss my best friend more than I miss my ex girlfriend
Ok now that my daily crying episode involving checking he social media is over. I need to do what I need to do. It really sucks that this has become a daily thing. Every morning I wake up, cry, tell myself not to check her social media, check her social media, and cry some more. No matter what I have to realize that we are done, it's still way too early to even think about being friends, and it doesn't matter if she is falling in love with another guy. I need to focus on myself. I'ts hard, extremely hard. The one thing I feel like I want to do in this world is talk to her but I can't. I need to give myself space from her and her space from me. I can't keep obsessing over her but I can't stop myself. I am addicted. I think I am addicted to feeling pain over her. It's like I know it's bad for me to think about her and check her social media but I can't stop. It's worse than a drug. Every morning I relapse hard. Every morning I hate myself. Every morning I miss her more than I thought possible to miss anyone. I need to stop this very morning. I need to move on and do what I need to do. It's time for me to become who I want to be
I can't wait to find a new best friend. I miss having someone to talk to and have fun with. I cannot wait until I find someone who deserves my love. I have so much love to give. I can't wait to make someone feel special and to have someone make me feel special too. I cannot wait to be with someone who truly makes me happy.
I've been having a hard time getting her off my mind today so there is just something that I need to put into words. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what she posts online (about me or someone else), it doesn't matter that she was thinking about me (obvisously since she thought of me enough to make her twitter private), It doesn't even matter how she feels about us like if she misses me or never wants to see me again. The only things that matter are me and actions. If her actions don't match up to her words, her posts, or her thoughts then it doesn't matter. Unless she reaches out to me then it doesn't matter. Sure I told her I would make the first move in reaching out but if she truly does miss me or anything then she could reach out herself. Her actions broke up with me, her actions started dating another guy, her actions deleted me from her life. Her actions show that she doesn't want me in her life so that's that. I can't keep obsessing over what she is thinking or how she feels because that means nothing if her actions don't back it up. And no matter what our relationship is over. We could never go back to being together after the things we've said to each other and after how much we've hurt each other. That's a fact. I need to focus on me and not her. I need to focus on how I am feeling, what I am doing, what I need to do. She is not in my life anymore and I need to stop letting her affect my life. Maybe at the end of the month of no contact with her then maybe I can think about reopening communication so we could talk about these things but I need time and space to distance myself from those feelings of hurt, betrayal, regret, and unreturned love. I need time to heal before I can even think about her
@SirPounceALot I am the same way. I wake up, I cry, I have to admit that I just go on Instagram real quick just to see his profile picture. Even if I can't see anything he posts...... I don't want to be the one to reach out to the other person first either. I can't text him anymore. If I do he will ignore me or get mad at me. I try to see the getting blocked by him as a blessing in disguise. But then it hurts that he even did that in the first place. All I think we can do is give this time. They lost a person who loved them so much. Think that it's her loss. Think positive. I know it's hard. Some days I feel so positive about this break up and some days I hate myself for losing him.
@bestCircle4395 going through the exact same thing...:/ so sorry to hear this
@SirPounceALot I really want my ex as my friend also but I know it's impossible now. I really want someone there for me all the time, but right now I have nobody. I am very lonely and it's making this process even harder. My ex is moving on well, going out with friends and doing things. And I'm stuck here. This is all so hard but I know we'll be okay in the end
@SirPounceALot Hello and I am sorry that your heart is so heavy. When I was 23 I got married to a girl I loved, unfortunatley she did not love me the same. We had a child together, which was the best thing that came out of that relationship. It hurt my heart on a daily, and I felt like I would never get through it. Well one day I woke up and the pain was not so bad, I started dating again and found my wife. It turned out that I thank God that we split up and I found my soulmate of 24 years. I also got ful custody of my daughter and had a son with my current wife. When we are in the middle of the storm it is hard to understand why certain things happen, but looking back 25 years ago it was a blessing for me. I hope with each passing day your heart gets less and less heavy. Good things are on there way.
@sal202 thank you. I've been told this a million times and each time it's nice to hear. I know good times are on the way but the bad times now still hurt
Just thought I'd update all of you. I'm almost half way through my work shift and she hasn't been on my mind too much. Which is good but the reason why stinks. Right before work I was going through my finances and I can't afford my rent now that I have to pay both halves. I really want to keep this apartment because if I lose the apartment I can't stay in the area and if I can't stay in the area then I can't finish college. I'm 4 classes from graduating but it looks so far away. I have one last ditch effort to reach out to a rich family member who might be able to help me but if that doesn't work then I might be screwed. If I lose the apartment I might just say screw it and join the army. I was probably going to join after I graduated anyway. I just want to finish because I know that if I stop never I'll never come back and finish. Plus I really want to stay in the area. I like it here. So ya life sucks. I hope I can somehow afford rent
@SirPounceALot it's hard to think about her when my own future is so unsure. It feels good to think about myself but now I have even bigger problems to solve. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow and she'll be the first family member I see since the break up. It's going to be rough. Also I need to break the news to her that I need financial help and I know she can't help much. I'm probably going to lose my shit when I see my mom tomorrow. I'm not ready to talk to my family about any of this
I've decided that I am going to find someway to make the money needed to stay her. I just had an amazing night. Honestly it might sound boring but compared to crying at home it was heaven. I got off work and went to the bars. I ended up running into like 6 different people who i am kinda friends with. And I had conversations with all of them. I thought I had no friends here. But atleast I have people who know my name, who will say hi on the street. It was amazing. I talked to people!!!!!!!! I even helped a drunk sick guy find his way home. Tonight was weird but I loved it. I missed the weird drunken late night adventures of a college town. I'm not giving these up. I am going to somehow stay here and finish college
I've been very bad. My mind keeps wondering to her. I keep finding myself thinking of weird situation in which she comes back to me and honestly in all of them I take her back as long as she agrees to work on some things. I've talked so much trash on her recently but I still want to be with her. It stinks. The trash talk was just me forcing myself to hate her. I know it's over though. I know we could never date again. I just miss her in my life. I want to reach out and just see how she is doing. It's still too early. I'm really trying to make it a month without contact..... it's been a week. It feels like forever since I've spoken to her
I've made up my mind. Today is going to be a good day. I'm going to get some stuff done that I need to do to figure out if I can stay in this town (which I want to do) and I'm going to relax a little after I do those things until I have to go to work. I will have a good day today
Idk what's with me recently. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't get her off my mind. Like I've accepted the fact that it's over and that we can never get back together but I want to see her again. I want to see her face again, see her smile, hear her laugh, stare into her eyes, memorize her face, hold her hand, give her one last hug, give her one last kiss. This sucks. I miss her so much. I don't want to get over her and I don't want her to be over me. I don't want to never see her or talk to her again. I miss my best friend
@SirPounceALot me too... It's so weird not waking up to a text from him or knowing what he is doing right now when I did for so long... And I hate that he says he is sad he lost his friend but he has someone else to distract him now...
@warmheartedHuman2014 I know what you mean. My phone just rang and I immediately got excited thinking it was her... it wasn't. Today is a tough day. I just want to talk to her again. I miss her and I know she misses me too. That makes it even tougher. To know that we both miss each other but we can't be together kills. I truly hope I can get over her so that we can be friends but I know that is just a pretty dream wrapped in a nightmare.
@SirPounceALot that's exactly how I feel. I haven't been doing good today. I keep wanting to reach out to him but I can't. I want him out of my mind but he won't get out of it. He's all I think about all day. I miss him also.....
@SirPounceALot
@SirPounceALot I'm sorry that you are having a tough day...It is a daily struggle. Try to find solace in the fact that she still cares for you as well.
I'm having a tough day myself. Cancelled plans with a friend and slept all day. I really miss him and it hurts that he has rushed into another relationship so quickly and is burying himself in that. So, it feels like he doesn't even think about me at all...I want to be angry and hate him so I can stop missing him so much.
@warmheartedHuman2014 That was my solace for a while but right now i am finding solace in the fact that I am free, in the fact that I am my own person, and in the fact that I can do whatever I want now. I understand what you mean though. It is also easier to hate someone then to be sorry for yourself and honestly it feels better to hate... atleast temporarily
@SirPounceALot yes. It is a good thing you are feeling that way. I hope those feelings and thoughts help you to get through this.
i'm still struggling with all the unanswered questions and wondering if he ever did really care. But I can't ask him. I've tried and he gets upset and only says things that cause more questions. But we aren't talking now. And I sometimes get upset that he hasn't reached out to me even though I was the one who said I needed space. :( and I will have to work with his new girl in a week....I'm very anxious about that and can't stop dreaming about what it will be like.
