The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
Glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this today. I passed my ex husband today pulling put from our old friends house in his new car that he bought for his jobless gf who's 16 years younger than him, but that's another story. We looked each other in the face as I drove past and it's messed with my head all day.
@PayneKiller31
how do you deal with that? I am not yet divorced but in the process after 15 years of marriage. It's like he's fine and its agony to see him. Any ideas or suggestions you use is much appreciated!
I guess i'm back in one of my feeling good moods because right now I have no room in my heart for my ex. I just feel like if she coudn't see that I tried my hardest to give her the world and put her first then that's her fault. If she couldn't see that I truly loved her and would do anything for her then that's her fault. If she couldn't love me back then that is her fault. EVEN IF SHE MISSES ME IT"S HER FAULT THAT I AM GONE AND IT"S HER FAULT THAT SHE HASN"T REACHED OUT. I don't care anymore. Sure I still care about her as a person and I wish her the best in life but that's it. She left me.....twice!!!! That means that this isn't some spontaneous thing, she thought about this for a while. IF that's what she wants then fine but then I'm gone. SHe is losing a great guy. I would've done anything for her but aparently that's not enough. I am a great person and so are each and every one of you people reading and responding to this thread. WE ALL DESERVE BETTER!!! WE ALL DESERVE THE LOVE WE GIVE TO BE RETURNED BACK TO US!!!!
@SirPounceALot He left me twice also. The first time was last year in November and the second time this year in May. He also lost someone who would've done anything for him. Someone who loved him very much. They may not see it now but I'm sure they will realize what they lost eventually. Everything just takes time. I just feel really impatient and I want that time to pass so I can be at peace. We all do deserve better. They are the ones who lost more than what we lost. Thanks for writing this. I had to read something like that
@bestCircle4395 Honestly I have been trying to force myself to feel better about it but I can't and i don't think anyone should try to. It's tough. No matter who you lost it is still a loss of someone close but if that person was dumb enough to walk away then that is their problem. Don't let their mistake change you. Continue to be the amazing person you are. Feel the pain, care with all your heart, grief the correct way and then in good time move on. It is a process and it just shows that you are a human being who truly cares.
@SirPounceALot I force myself to feel happy sometimes also only to break down in the end. I wake up everyday and I just feel numb now. I haven't spoken to him in almost two weeks. Eventually it'll be a month, two months.... A year. I have to admit that this is already changing me. Not in a good way either. I feel like I can't trust anything anyone tells me anymore. He told me a lot of things that he ended up lying about. I feel like distancing myself from everyone and just being alone for awhile. It is so hard but I always think that eventually I'll be okay. We will all be okay. You continue to be the amazing person that you are also. You are also a very strong person. We will all get through this
@bestCircle4395 I feel the same. It's hard to trust after the one person you believed would stay by you leaves. It's hard to believe after the lies. It's hard because I learned that for our entire relationship she wasn't in love with me and didn't see a future with me but she still talked about it like we were going to get married. BUT i decided that I am not going to give her the satisfaction of ruining my trust. I'm not going to let her ruin my idea of love. Honestly she was hurt and broken just like I was in past relationships and I can see that it is why she was so heartless about everything. Because she told herself she didn't want to get hurt again. But I refuse to let that happen to me. I still believe in love. I am not going to give her the satisfaction of being the one who changed me. I am going to continue to be me and continue to love and trust with all my heart. I wish you the best in everything. This process is hard but just know that you are not alone. This site alone has helped me meet so many wonderful people and all of you deserve the world
Also I just wanted to share that it has been officaially one month since the first break up and almost 2 weeks since the second break up.
My wife and I are serperated. We have been for over a year. No formal paperwork involved right now we just are. A little over 4 months ago actually the day I was released from the hospital she started seeing someone. This person was married but got a divorce due to cheating. Pot meet kettle. Neither feel like what they're doing is completely wrong it's just an awkward situation for the 3 of us. I still love her. I've known her for 15yrs and we've been the only think constant in each other's lives for 7-8yrs. It hurts I wish things didn't get as bad as they were. I blamed myself for the longest time thinking it was all my fault. I still do some days.
We are best friends first which is why I'm trying. I'm scared of losing her completely which people don't understand. They think I'm torturing myself. I can't move on because of moral reasons. I made a commitment and a promise way before we got married. Does it hurt? Everyday/time I see her. I feel like if I tried harder, did she wanted things would be different. But she also hid how unhappy she was.
I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes but I've always dropped everything for her. I always will. This is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend. She's there but not fully I get it. I find it impossible to move on because no matter I'll always love her. Because I've gone through hell with this girl. So there is my pain in not being able to move on.
It's weird that from the second I wake up I can tell what my thoughts will be like for the rest of today. Today will be about me wondering if I gave up to early, me wondering if I should fight for her, me wondering if we could be back together again. I know we can't and I know any attempt I make would push her farther away but I feel like I still want her and that I should fight for her. I know it's dumb. Idk part of me just thinks that she wants me to truly show her I care. Again I know I'm wrong.... I just miss having someone to fight for. It's hard fighting for yourself, it's easier to fight for someone you love
Today is just a another day where I have way too much hope...... thank god I decided I wouldn't be the one to reach out first until 30 days since we last spoke.... it's been 8
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT I just want to reach out and say I miss you. That's it. Like literally just let her know that I miss my best friend and then nothing more. I don't want her to think I don't care anymore but I know I shouldn't. I don't want to lose her completely
I hate this feelings. I feel like I want her in my life even if it will only bring my pain. I know I deserve better than that but I still miss her so much that I don't care if every second I see her smile kills me inside. I want my best friend back even if that means I have to hear about the new boys she dates. I just miss her more than anything in this world. I don't care if my heart breaks everytime I see her, I just want to see her again
Aaaaaand this concludes todays episode of "self loathing in the mornings". Every god damn morning when I wake up this happens. I really need to get past that. But now it's time to go out into the world and do what I need to do today. I can't keep holding on to hope for something that will never happen. And even if there was hope I shouldn't even want it. I deserve the love I give to be returned back full fold... not half assed. I deserve better. And ya it'll suck and i'll be lonely until I find that person I deserve but that doesn't mean I should settle. I should hold out for the one that I deserve. Until then I need to become a better man so that when I meet the person I deserve I can be every bit as amazing to them as they are to me. Life is rough, currently life is extremely hard. But there is still a lot of life left to live for me. Today is a new day with new opportunities. I just need to rise up and seize them
I'm stuck again. Can't seem to get anything done. I have no motivation. It's awful. I want to curl up in bed and do nothing today. Today my best was not much. I worked out and I have work later tonight but honestly I think that might be all I can get done today. I planned on so much more but the sun went away and it looks like it's going to rain. Didn't mean that to be soo deep. Literally I needed to walk into town but it looks like it's going to rain but emotionally that is how I feel right now.