We are on a "break"
My bf of 3 years, whom I was living with, decided about a month ago that he wanted to go on a break. I believe he is going through a quarter life crisis or a mild depression or something, so I respect his decision and am doing my best to give him the space he needs. We've now been on a break for about 1 month.
But I'm struggling on my end. I feel the need to talk to someone about the situation and 7 cups has helped me a lot. However, I'm getting a stronger and stringer urge to reach out to his family to see what they think of all this (my family is just pushing me to move on).
So my question is, is it weird to reach out to his family about our break?
I'm in a similar situation with my girlfriend of 4+ years. We've hit a rough patch recently, and although I'm more emotionally beaten down than her I was contemplating contacting her dad to talk about it. But I just don't know if that would be okay. I'm worried about some of her behaviors but I don't want to be intrusive and cause more harm. It's a difficult situation, I'm sorry I'm not more helpful.
@Thatbluewrx
This is definitely such a difficult situation! I'm worried I will make him more upset if I reach out to his family, but I am worried about him. Gahh. I wish it was easier!!
@00Pandamonium
Yeah I feel the same way. Like I want to talk to her dad about it because he knows her better than anyone. But if he talks to her about it and it comes back, I'm worried the end result will be worse than where were at now. I'm sorry I wish I had better answers for you, but if you ever need someone to talk you about it please don't hesitate to message me. This situation has been very tough on me, and I'm sure you're feeling a similar way.
@Thatbluewrx
Absolutely! I wish I had the answers as well. This is really tough and frustrating and it's not entirely fair to anyone involved. But, Same to you! Since we are going through the same thing, I'm here to help support you if needed!
@00Pandamonium
Thank you so much. I appreciate it since I don't have many people to talk to. This app has been helpful for me.
@Thatbluewrx
Same! This app has been a tremendous help to me as well!!
@Thatbluewrx
Am I missing something or can you not message people on this app? Lol. I hope you're doing alright! I know I had a bit of a rough day myself.
@00Pandamonium
Yeah I'm not sure, I can't figure out how to directly message people on here haha. I tried going through everything on the app but I can't figure it out lol. I hope your day is getting better. If you need to talk, I'm more than happy to give you my number if you need someone to text or anything like that. Keep your head up! 😊
@Thatbluewrx
Yeah, I think you can only message listeners. Very strange. I'm feeling a little better now, but I just keep having these moments where I get too into my own head. Yesterday was the 1 month mark for this "break" and I know I should move on, especially since he won't even talk to me now, but I just don't want to. I feel so stupid.
@00Pandamonium
I promise that you're not stupid. I get stuck in my own head so often and sometimes it can be a really bad place for me. So many thoughts that are the worst and just bring me down. Don't worry about those bad thoughts in your head, focus your energy and yourself and what you like and things you enjoy. Maybe your bf needs time to figure out himself, but he's the one missing out on a special woman.
@Thatbluewrx
You are too kind! Thank you! I am trying really hard, but I can't shake the fact that I gave him everything I had and it doesn't mean anything to him. It's definitely the most difficult thing I've had to do.
@00Pandamonium
That is so hard, it's hard to imagine why I know. My girlfriend has barely shown any loving emotions towards me recently and I have had such a hard time with that. Especially when you've spent so much time together. It's just so hard to imagine life without them, and that's really what I've been struggling with. I'm sorry I wish I had better advice for you, but just talking about how I feel makes me feel better and I hope it helps you as well.
@Thatbluewrx
Absolutely! I'm right there with you. Talking it out definitely helps! Im here for you if you need a sounding board. I wish I could make it easier as well, but sadly I think this is just a fact of life.
@00Pandamonium
Yes thank you for being here. What I'm going through with my gf has been so hard on me. My depression and anxiety are at an all time high and it's hard. I really want it to get easier, talking about it seems to help so thank you for hearing me out. I'm not sure if it helps you but going on walks and listening to music really helps. It helps clear my head and exercise always makes me feel better.
@Thatbluewrx
Wow, it's nice to connect with someone who feels the exact way I do. Unfortunately, music has been messing with my head. I think about the lyrics too much and like find ways to tie them to him lol. I am trying to focus on a project though. It seems to be helping. But when Im not doing it, the thoughts run wild again.
Have you tried talking to your gf?
@00Pandamonium
I tend to do the same thing with music actually haha. Connecting to the lyrics can really bring me down sometimes but I love music so much. What type of project are you working on if you don't mind me asking?
I have, we actually had a good conversation last night. It's so tough though because she's lied to my face multiple times and that hurt me immensely. Living without her is something I don't ever want to do but I'm afraid I'll end up getting hurt again. I just never thought someone I loved this much, and dedicated my life to vould do these things to me. It really has my head messed up, and I feel myself becoming more and more anxious and paranoid.
@Thatbluewrx
Yeah I love music too, and movies. But right now, everything just reminds me of him. I am teaching myself how to build an app though. I have had this brilliant app idea for years now and i figured, why not just do it myself? Its helped a lot because i really have to focus all of my energy on it. I have no background in coding or anything so it's something completely new.
That's good that you guys were able to talk! I get where you're coming from though. My friend keeps asking what I would do if he came to me tomorrow and changed his mind and wanted to be together. At that point, you just have to weigh everything together while remembering that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. (Obviously, if it was repeat behavior, it's not a mistake..so I'm not condoning violence or cheating or anything here) It is tough when you know that person lied to you. And the fear of being put through this again later down the line will always be there. At the end of the day though, you just need to choose the oath that is right for you..either stay together and support one another for the sake of your love..or end the relationship to save yourself from more emotional stress and anxiety.
@00Pandamonium
Wow, what you wrote is right on point. I really needed that thank you. Those decisions are so tough for me because this is the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. And it's been tough on my emotional well being.
That would be cool to make an app. I have no idea on how you would even start to make one. Props to you for trying something new, especially since you don't have any background in that. That's awesome and a great way to keep yourself focused.
@Thatbluewrx
Ughhh I totally get that: that you had planned to spend the rest of your life with her. That is exactly where I was too. For me, there was never even a thought of being with anyone else. And now, to have that ripped out from underneath you..it sucks. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise..maybe it's true that if you love someone, you have to let them go..maybe you need to fight for what you believe..maybe there are too many clichés that all contradict each other. It's so hard to make a decision. 😳
@00Pandamonium
I'm really hoping it's all a blessing in disguise. Because it's just so hard for me to imagine a life without her. Even though the cliche if you love let them go, I'm just so worried I'll lose her forever. I guess I'm more fine with destroying myself inside than leaving. I just can't understand how she could betray me like she did. We were a team always through thick and thin, and all for what? To feel completely empty and dead inside. I'm sorry, my depression is just something I can't get a handle on.
@Thatbluewrx
Neither path is easy to choose either. I think that's one of the most frustrating things about being in this situation. I am so paranoid and anxious and tired and I just want life to get a little easier. I'm so internally conflicted. And the whole time I'm wondering: Is he conflicted or is this easy for him? Did he lie to me? Is he seeing someone else? What did I do Wrong?
The blame game is a real kicker for me. My head just keeps saying: "if you didn't you anything wrong then he wouldn't be treating you this way".
@00Pandamonium
I'm so amazed how we can have the same thoughts. Because those same ideas go through my head. I truly wonder if my gf is conflicted by what has happened or if she really doesn't care about how I feel. Then when I ask her questions about certain things she gets defensive and almost mad at me and that's so hard for me. It just makes me think so that she doesn't care and is more worried about keeping secrets from me
@Thatbluewrx
I'm really glad we met haha. Not that I want either of us to be miserable, but misery does love company! Lol it is nice to know I'm not entirely insane and that other people are feeling this way too and thinking these same thoughts.
I totally understand where you are. He told me countless times over the years that he loved me and wouldn't hurt me..and now he does this? I want to believe what he says. But a tiny voice in the back of my head just keeps telling me he's keeping something from me. Which then just hurts more because I never had any reason to ever doubt him before this.
I wish there was something I could say to help you through this haha I kinda feel like I'm fueling your negative thoughts. I'm so sorry!!
@00Pandamonium
Haha there's no need to apologize. Trust me, you've helped so much by just talking with me. It's good to know him not the only person having thoughts like this. I wish I knew the right answers for us because it's so incredibly difficult. I spend a lot of time away from home which just fuels my anxiety more. I get so worried she's going to forget about me when I'm gone, but I know I should feel better than that. I'm thankful I decided to try this app just having someone to talk to about issues is great for me, I'm thankful to talk to you. Maybe by talking and getting this stuff out we can become stronger.
@Thatbluewrx
Yeah, I was really skeptical of this app at first, but this has really helped. I was becoming more anxious just thinking about how stupid I was to being feeling this way and thinking all this, but being here and knowing I'm not alone is so great.
I think you're right though. I feel like because we are both starting this journey at pretty much the same point, we could be a great support system for each other to help us get through it, and become stronger, like you said. I'm sure we will get there in the end, but I personally think it's important to express emotions and thoughts rather than try to suppress them and move on. My family keeps telling me to move on and that doesn't help. How are you supposed to just move on when you know that the person you are "moving on" from is the person you are meant to be with? Just moving on in this instance does more harm than good i think (at least for me). Because if you love someone, you stand by them in the good and bad times. Right?
@00Pandamonium
Ughhh I miss him so much today. I feel like every time I take a step or 2 forward out of the darkness, I just get pulled back in 😢
@00Pandamonium
So, we are going to meet up tomorrow to talk. I am terrified.
@00Pandamonium
To echo what other people are saying, I too am in a similar situation (with my girlfriend of 4 years now). Personally, I think that if you think they'll be receptive to you reaching out, talking to your boyfriend's family would be possibly a really good idea. Having some more imput on the matter, both to maybe get a better idea of what your boyfriend is going through/needs and to get a better sense about how you feel about things, might be really really helpful. (And his family might appreciate you reaching out to them about it too!)
I hope everything works out and I wish you all the best, both with your boyfriend and his family!! Xx
@CatDownTheRabbitHole
Thank you for the kind words! Honestly, I'm just afraid that if ibreach out to them, it might upset him and push him further away. I don't want to come across as a crazy person but I think if I reached out, that's how he would see it. 😧
I hope everything works out for you as well!
@00Pandamonium
I can certainly understand that apprehension. Though it's a bit different, one of the biggest issues recently I've personally had with my girlfriend and her behavior is that I frequently feel like I have to tiptoe around saying anything serious or critical, even if I'm saying it politely and respectfully and making it clear that it comes from a good place -- all because she is painfully sensitive and takes things far more personally than she needs to.
One thing realization that I've had that's really been helping me is that I am responsible for what I say, but not how other people interpret it. Trying to apply that kind of thinking to this situation might help you at least feel a little better about matters! (Because all you can be responsible is what you say to his family and how you say it, and any clarifications that you might make to your boyfriend afterwards to tell him that you're reaching out to people to help him; but, even if it feels like it at first, you can't control or be expected to control the way he'll react. You can try to be tactful and respectful, but can't restrict yourself too much for the sake of hoping to make things easier for him!!)
@CatDownTheRabbitHole
Wow, you're totally right! I guess I never really looking at it like that. But it makes sense. I can't control people or things around me, only myself and my actions.
I appreciate the kind words and advice! It definitely helps make this whole thing easier to know that there are such supportive people out there. This "break" has taken such a toll on me and for a while, I wasn't sure i would ever really recover from it.
@00Pandamonium
@CatDownTheRabbitHole
(Sorry, had a weird computer glitch that posted a reply early?)
Don't mention it!! :) Relationship "breaks," no matter the circumstances, are difficult for everyone and it's important to take care of yourself emotionally during them! I'm really glad you've been reaching out and building a support system on 7Cups to try to "stay afloat"!! It's difficult, but there are people here who care and want to help, and I know you'll get through this!! :)
@CatDownTheRabbitHole
That is super comforting to hear! I hope that you are getting the support you need as well! Feel free to reach out to me if needed!
We are meeting up tomorrow and I am freaking out! I want so badly for this to go really really well and for him to come back to me, but I also know that there is a chance it wont. I know I can't force him to be with me or love me or even care about me. But I just don't want to believe it. Gahh I'm going crazy over here!
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