Weird breakup
Ok so had a breakup last year but we continued to talk basically like we never broke up for a year (one of those that even though I was done wrong a lot, I tried to hold on to) and finally after being ignored for a long time, one day I asked for my things back (just a note I was a sucker who was very supportive and a few days was manageable. But 3 weeks was too much). The person got mad and said I was being hostile (said it super nicely, didn’t demand and even confirmed I’d send the money ahead of time) and never messaged me back. Why do I feel remorse for doing what I did? I miss the person sure but again. It was clear I was giving 9000% effort. Do I reach back out or say screw it?
@politeKite2933
Sorry that that happened. 💜 It sounds like you tried to be respectful, polite, kind, and patient while making a reasonable request (i.e. "Hi this stuff belongs to me. Given that we're no longer dating, could I please have back my things that belong to me?") but they weren't respectful in return.
Here's an article I was able to find that feels relevant to what you described about feeling remorseful despite making that reasonable request.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-when-you-feel-guilty-about-setting-boundaries
Regarding whether to reach out again (I assume in order to keep trying to get your stuff back?), I don't think there's any right answer and it probably depends on your own personal feelings. I guess a couple questions I could ask that might help clarify things are:
- Do you value the things you're trying to get back enough that you'd feel like it's worth fighting/struggling and possibly having to be assertive and incur some stress/conflict in order to get what you want?
- Do you feel like there's a reasonable chance of succeeding in getting what you want if you continue fighting for it?