What do I do if I Can’t Get Over Him?
I met a wonderful man in June of 2019, who seemed like a blessing after I’d escaped from a previously abusive relationship. We talked for so long the first time we met, it felt like we’d been friends for a decade. I thought of him as a best friend at first, but the more I talked to him, the less I could deny my blossoming feelings. He confessed to having feelings for me first and we hit it off from there. We lasted from June 2019 to about February 2020. He decided to end it, and I was not ready. I wasn’t done loving him. He was very kind about it, and we drifted apart afterwards. I cut all contact with him as soon as we drifted because I knew I couldn’t hang around him without feeling absolutely heartbroken. I didn’t let myself properly mourn. I didn’t wanna cry, I didn’t wanna face the pain. I lied to myself saying I was okay. That I’d be over it soon. Recently through feed recommendations on social media I saw he has a new girlfriend. It opened all my wounds. But I still couldn’t mourn. I realized I’d never gotten over him. I still look for his face in strangers who I find attractive, I still hear his voice in conversations I have. Every time I try to find myself, I find him. I don’t know what to do. I still ‘love’ him. And the worst part is there’s no one I wanna talk to about losing him except him. He was my best friend too, and I just want to talk to him whether it’s for a lifetime or an hour. How can I move on?
@RichardMask hello
It sounds like he was someone really important to you. And sometimes, when it's someone we really love, we can't accept that they're really gone as seen where you say you didn't let yourself mourn. Specially after an abusive relationship, he was the first person to be that kind to you, of course you developed an attachment
You're still looking for him to this day, in everyone you meet. You made a good decision by blocking him once your relationship was over so that you didn't go back immediately. The only downside of that is, you weren't able to get used to seeing him with other people & now that he has a girlfriend, it's all so sudden. If moving on is what you want to do, the only way to do so is accept that you're never going to find someone as good as him. The first step to change is acceptance. You say the only person you want to talk about this with IS him, but you absolutely must keep your distance. Don't fold now, you can do it. Slowly but steadily, you're going to heal. Mourning the loss of someone that's still living is incredibly hard. But in order to move on, you must treat him as if he's truly gone.
Surround yourself with friends, if there isn't anyone that comes to mind, I'm here, I'll be your friend. There are a vast majority of listeners on 7 cups who will support you and stick by you until you find your way back to stand on your own two feet.
Thank you for this answer, it was actually enough to push me to allow myself to cry finally. All of this is true. I still have an attachment to him, and that’s probably why I feel like I’m bound to him forever. He was the first guy to treat me like an actual human being in so long. I haven’t had any friends for years, so it’s been so hard to cope with everything alone. If you don’t mind I’d like to take you up on that offer of being friends, because I’ve been so alone for way too long
@RichardMask
of course <3 i'll go ahead and pm you so that we can start on your journey to finding yourself together >:D!!
@RichardMask
(whoops, actually the send message button isn't there when i click on your profile u-u, could you pm me instead?)
That's a wonderful answer , I'm going through a similar situation , my recent ex boyfriend was very nice to me unlike the previous emotionally abusive ex boyfriends i had , I wish I could talk to you 😔
@RichardMask How can I move on? How do I let go? How do I stop loving him? What can I do to make me forget? All of these questions are essentially the same question- how do I stop hurting? But grief is a natural function of love. It means what you felt, the relationship you had, the connection you formed with that person was real, intense, and meaningful. They say you don't know how much something means to you until it's gone. If that's true, then the truest measure of how much you loved him is in how much you grieve him. And there are people with whom a connection is so strong, the grief from losing them can last a lifetime. And that's ok. Nothing is wrong with you. You are functioning exactly as intended. We are supposed to hurt when we lose someone we love. Remember the human spirit is resilient. It can endure loss and become stronger. It can bear falling in love and suffering heartbreak a hundred times. There will be a day when you look back at all of it and you won't believe how far you've come or how much you've grown. You can't see it just yet, but the best is yet to come.
@ShadesBluer This is beautiful :) I'll have to try and remember this myself
