Why do I want to stay where I

@blueBlueberry2558

Loving yourself means:

- Looking out for your own best interests, because no one else will

- Treating yourself with the utmost respect

- Not allowing others to play with your heart, mind, or emotions

- Making decisions that will help you to become healthier and happier

- Asking yourself the right questions

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Have you ever sat down, with pen and paper, then wrote down the pros/cons in your present relationship? I'll bet, at least in this situation, there appear to be far more cons then there are pros. If that is the case, whose responsibility is it to ensure that you're protected, safe, and provided? You. Nobody knows you as you do. You know what works for you, what doesn't, what you like, what you dislike, how you want to be treated, and most important ways that you detest.

You cry every day, likely because it releases steam that has been building inside you. Crying is your body's way of getting out a lot of the internal angst and frustration that you've been enduring throughout this relationship.

Your relationship lacks proper communication because the best way to get a point across isn't used, instead, it's a yelling match. This, as you've suspected, is very unhealthy and only adds to the anxiety because nothing can seemingly get resolved between you.

He hides in his video games, to avoid real connection, discussion, and resolving issues with you and you retreat to release steam by crying it out. This is a pattern, a very unhealthy one.

You're putting in all the extra effort, doing the little things, supporting him and his son but it's very 80/20 or 90/10. This means that you're spending all the time, effort, and energy and getting very little in return. It's not even that you're seemingly asking for a lot in return, but even that isn't provided which goes to explain a lot of your anxiety, frustration, and resentment. This is why leaving has been a top thought.

You shouldn't feel fear of being alone. You already are. There is only one person IN this relationship, you. He has likely checked out a long time ago. As you've mentioned, you stay and you're his doormat because he uses you, talks down to you, and doesn't support you the way you support him.

At some point, you're going to have to ask yourself if you deserve to be treated this way and make the bold decision to simply have enough, expect more, and better for yourself by making the hard choice to leave because the situation is not likely to be salvaged. Respect is a two-way street, which is not even present from his direction based on your description of your situation.

You're already lonely because you're doing all the work and getting very little in return.

So who is looking out for you? You. Take the necessary step to first, admit to yourself that you deserve far better. Admit to yourself that the situation that you've found yourself isn't healthy. Then, figure out what you're going to do about it. Can it be salvaged? Is he willing to sit down, like a normal human being, and work with you to resolve your differences? If not, you're going to need to take action -- because the situation is not likely going to improve otherwise.

Where do you want to be in five years? Do you want to be enduring this situation, or worse? Or do you want to be in a relationship with someone that you have a strong mental, emotional, and physical connection with, someone that puts forth the effort, communicates with you, a team, a partner, where love flows freely, and you feel good -- almost eager to get home to spend more time together? That isn't a mirage -- that CAN happen, but you'd have to allow yourself the freedom to draw the line where you're at now and tell yourself that no only is the way you're treated NOT OK, but you're going to demonstrate that it's not ok by walking out the door, not looking back, and finding a man that does give you the love and affection you've been wanting, no craving for quite some time now. He's out there -- looking for you.

One day, you'll likely draw that line in the sand and profess very clearly that the way you were in this situation is over and the new life, the new paradigm of who you want to become starts. Don't feel guilty, worry, or think that it's never going to be possible...

...because you deserve far better than being someone's doormat. You deserve to be loved, cherished, respected, honored, and blessed with a man that looks in your eyes and can tell you that he loves you without even saying it with words.

First step. Make the hard choice for yourself, for your mental health, for your emotional wellbeing. This decision is about you, for you, and for your future. No one else. Trust me, he and his son will be fine. You have permission to go on and find what you really need in your life and let go of the baggage that has been dragging behind you for quite a while.

Good luck.

@blueBlueberry2558 You seem like you're making a great effort to make your relationship work out and it's incredibly frustrating to feel so invalidated by someone whose meant to be a source of love and comfort. It's painful to feel so neglected by someone you're willing to do so much for. You seem like a very caring person who may be being taken advantage of but it's really hard to let go so it makes sense to stay.

Have you done research on attachment styles? People with insecure attachment styles tend to be more likely to stay in unhealthy situations because of fear of abandonment and loneliness. Reading up more on this topic may help explain things.

I hope you can heal and overcome this difficult situation because you deserve to be loved in a healthy, mutual way that makes you feel satisfied instead of used. I wish you the best and I hope my words were of some comfort. Sending love!