i've been in a relationship for over a year but i'm starting to question if i'm mature enough for one

@74191c

Not a matter of maturiy, more like self esteem. It seems you haven't worked on your self esteem, meaning you started a relationship with those problems still there.

Jealousy usually comes from self esteem, you want things somehow in your control so you feel "safe" in the situation. But obviously isn't fair, your partner shouldn't pay for that.

Try to work on your self esteem and use rational thoughts. If he leaves you want him to leave for the right reasons, not because you were insecure.

@74191c

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

right so i've been going out with R for just over a year but we've been friends for over 2. we had a hard time getting together due to my self esteem and then him dating a friend but we thankfully got together. now i'm 16(year 11) and he's 17(year 12) and the first problem is i find it hard to deal with him being older than me with like the fact he progresses in life and i'm terrified he'll grow out of me. (This tells me you are afraid of losing him. I believe that the fact he is older makes you believe he will move on faster after school and find someone better) i get jealous of his friends as for some reason (I believe this has to do with insecurities, you get fearful and anxious when he goes out. The jealousy usually comes from childhood, having to fight for love, attention and seeing how love would go to someone else while you are feeling unloved, so this will cause jealousy and hidden anger) i think that every time he goes out with them he'll decide he prefers being single (In here you are becoming fearful that he will leave you for them and not want to be with you, these kind of thoughts will affect the relationship) and wants to spend more time with them. (In here you are having a fear of being replaced and abandoned if he spends more time with them) like i have all these worries but they've come from absolutely no where! (It actually comes from your childhood, take a closer look at how you were raised, if you had to fight for love, if love was unconditional, if the attention would shift to another familiy member, if you felt you could be abandoned) i just sometimes think that ,even though the relationship is bringing me immense happiness and that's all it should bring, i ruin it in my own mind by making problems which makes me question if it would be best for us to break up? (It's hard for you to regulate your own feelings, specially when you perceive a threat in others or a possible abandonment)but on the other hand we literally click so so well, we're into similar things, have mutual friends and make each other laugh and are so happy while also having interests and friends outside of each other

@74191c It's something I'm still trying to process myself, but I thought the image below very helpful. I was going to try to break down your thoughts into the four categories below myself, but then reconsidered. Maybe it would be more helpful do try categorizing your thoughts and feelings yourself, unless you need a second perspective. It would also be interesting to disentangle all the thoughts where the "you" is your boyfriend, and all the ones where "you" are the friends of your boyfriend.