my boyfriend broke up with me, and i want him to love me again.
so basically my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me, and i know it doesn't seem like a really long time, and we may be young, but that doesnt matter to me. i really love him, and ever since i met him i have. hes the most important person to me and i would give anything for him. he broke up with me because he "naturally lost feelings". yesterday we talked about everything (its been around 3 weeks since the break up) and he said that a lot of the times i was manipulative, or i did things he never really liked. I realized all the things i did in the relationship, and i can honestly say that i did most everything he mentioned, and i feel terrible about it. i was raised in a toxic household, where i was taught things like that were normal. i would like to blame it on my trauma, but i dont think that can "cover" for everything i did. i would start arguments and fights over little (or not so little) things that upset me, because i couldnt find a healthy way to express my emotions. i would drain him mentally and physically because of my actions, and it started to show. i had noticed that more towards the last month or two that we were dating, and i had wanted to make a change. I started therapy a week or two before he broke up with me, and it was going to be a surprise for him. I get that i wasnt near perfect, and neither was he, but i tried, and i shouldve tried harder. towards the end of the relationship, i put in my all, and he didnt put hardly anything in, which hurt me a lot. i definitely still have feelings for him, as he was my first love, the boy who took all my innocence, and the boy who made me feel like somebody. He told me that if the feelings come back, maybe we could try again. he definitely deserves better, but i cant imagine seeing him with anyone else, so im going to be better. and i want to know how i could do that. I want to know how to handle my feelings healthily, and just have an overall healthy relationship. i want him to see how much better i am doing, and i want him to reconsider. i know it might not be easy, but i am willing to do anything for this boy. and even if he never reconsiders, i will keep trying. can someone please give me advice for a healthy relationship? like how to deal with overwhelming emotions, issues that arise in the relationship, how to talk about whats upsetting us without starting an argument, etc.
@lightTurtle8781
sometimes people do lose feelings......and frankly many people do NOT understand that until it happens to them. I didn't ......... now the shoe is on the other foot and frankly i do not see feelings that faded away coming back.......
when relationship falter or fail we can look at it place blame or accept our portion in it.... you have done that..... good for you as some never see that. If he returns or you find someone new............. communication takes work and practice .......with a person that will understand even when you may be all over the place .... be open ... be honest and listen to their point of view as well.....
maybe if you are clear with him and own up to your mistakes .........if you even think there is a chance.....
@toughTiger6481 thanks for the advice. yesterday when he came over i did try and own up to my mistakes. ive been apologizing since the second he broke up with me, and i can never ever stop because how i treated him wasnt fair. he never really owned up to his own mistakes though and thats what made me upset. when he asked about what he did in the relationship that i didnt like, i told him and it seemed as if he was flipping it onto me again. do you have an idea as to what i should do about that? do i confront him about it and try and talk it out or do i just leave it be?
@lightTurtle8781
both parties need to own their mistake or their behavior ..... some people unfortunately when they HEAR an apology from someone they assume they are in the clear....He still needs to own his portion
Honestly this needs to be ironed out .... both parties knowing and deciding what to do about it...
example spouse would half listen then respond with things that did not even make sense because he heard half and guessed at what i said....... after a few fights over the same thing .... he will stop and give full attention OR ask for something to be repeated ........ saved tons of disagreements. he had to listen and then ACT on that....
The average time to know if you have actual feelings for someone is roughly 4-6 months. Which is also called the lust stage or some people refer it to the rose colored glasses stage. This stage is best to just stay at a dating stage. No label nothing. After that time has past, it's best to decide if you see yourself with this person or not.
Communicate and decide if you want to continue. Sadly alot of times one person wants to continue but the other doesn't.
Most likely what happened. The lust phase ended and instead of continuing and leading you on. It was best to end it. Most people don't realize that you can't relay jump into a relationship
@BrokenAndBreaking
This is really a great advice. I have never heard put this way. Except for the "lust" stage can sometimes last longer, up to 2 years, especially of not consummated. Don't ask how i know it, lol .