my ex left me at my lowest.

@amiablePark7458

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

so me and paul agreed to a date. was very nervous and wasnt 100% sure on moving on too quickly. on new years even he picked me up from my house and i took a liking to him straight away. he was fun but he had no fliter, on the first date he was telling me his dad is a crackhead. (These are signs of someone that desperately wants to connect with someone, he was rushing things here by opening about his dad) he gave off a few red flags but i had such a good time with him.

we went on a further 4 dates and i could feel myself getting feelings, went and played golf, had a meal and we both decided to go out drinking. paul hadnt made a move on me yet so i did instead. (This does shows he didn't have the confidence to make a move, so there some feelings that he might not be confident) was so drunk could not remember most of he night other than waking up in his bed in the morning and we continued to have sex throughout the day.

this is where the problems started. i felt as if his attitude changed after that, he didnt really care what he said. he asked me how many men ive been with (2) (This was an inappropiate question for him to ask, he is starting to come on strong) and he bragged on about himself sleeping with 75 women for money, 4,000 he was paid. (He is bragging and showing off about the women he has been with. This tells me he is not a guy that will keep his mouth shut regarding the woman he has been with, so more than likely it means he might brag about with other people. This also a behavior to prove how good he is etc)

so we are in bed togetehr and he tells me all his exs are crazy, (This is another red flag, the way he talks about his ex does show how he will talk about you if you two ever get into a relationship then breakup.) one of them lied about a brain tumour (i think he lied because his story changed to cheating) (He is now changing stories, this means he could be a bit of a liar) and another left him for another man in germany (which turned out to absolute rubbish)(He is talking too much at this point, he is opening up way too fast which he is eager and desperate to connect) i never seen his point behind the lies, im not gonna judge him for being honest. he goes on to tell me about a one night stand and he could be a dad. (This is another red flag, he is unsure if he is a dad or not, so its starting to show reckless behavior)

for somone who has many issues, i felt this was all a bit too much for me to deal with. (It would make anyone feel that way after the way he opened up so fast) i continued to sleep with him for a while and all he went on about was his sexual conquests, banging sex line girls from tinder etc. (He doesn't seem like a gentlemen, a man wouldn't be talking about these things since they are private subjects. He is bragging and showing off to impress you and he doesn't know how have two-way conversations) i dont know why he made me feel so insigificant and disrespected? (It's understandable you feel this way, I believe most women would feel like he just wants them for sex after hearing him talk about his conquest and stories) i went out shopping with one of my friends and brought some underwear. she was unaware i was dating someone and when i told her what hes like (good and bad) she said he sounds like bad news. (He is bad news) be careful, we were having casual sex for about a month before he asked me to be his gf. (He is coming on strong by asking you this, this shows he wants to lock you down into a commitment) during this time he was speaking to loads of other girls, it made me feel not enough and awful. (Women want to feel more special than other women, but in here he is making you feel as if you are another conquest for him)

he asked me to be his girlfriend before i called things off, there was a horrific gut feeling i got whenever i was with him it was butterflies and doubt (Butterflies because it was something new, but then the things he said actually caused you to feel put off by him)

he took me away to london, we headed out to his base and stayed the night. the whole trip he never held my hand, kissed me or even touched me in public but would pass comment on every girl he seen. (This shows a total lack of respect for you, he is with you and not being affectionate while flirting with other women. This is a big red flag, it shows he doesn't have much intengrity) he said some woman tried to touch him in the shop when she never. on the journey home, his ex (the girl who left him for another man) messaged him and said i miss you. i felt a bit uneasy but he reassured me it was nothing. i later learnt the truth about her. she didnt leave him for another man at all, he led her on for two years by continueing to have sex wuth her after she told him she loved him. (This tells me he is manipulative, his lies are a way to ease your way into your heart. The way he lead her on for that long shows he only cares about how he feels, not how the other person feels) i suppose the girl put up with anything just to keep him in her life. he didnt have very much nice things to say about her either,felt some smypathy for her. she still loves him even after a year.

paul was in a relationship with me but still gave her hope in a way. i cried majority of the car journey home because i had spent over 500 in london and he ruined every moment of it.

paul brought more of his sexual conquests up, he must have thought i was ok with hearing it, (He is not a person that can be trusted, he sounds like a person who is smothering when he starts talking about these subjects)i never said a word although i was very upset(You are keeping your anger inside and not communicating how you feel, this means you are afraid of confrentation and fear of sharing how you feel) . paul had a girl best friend and i was looking forward to meeting her, however he told me they had dated before him and i met.

paul was inside me once and started going on about cumming in another girl before me, (This shows he is not over the other woman, and he is starting to see you more as a sex object than a person) i lost my mood very quickly. he paid me a backhanded complimet by squeezing my boobs together and went well....(It didn't went well because you didn't like what happened that time, you are keeping things inside while he is doing thing that are making you feel uncomfortable) they are big enough to feed kids at least. i began wearing a bra during sex after that or lingerie. he rarely paid me compliments his words were "it creates a spoit brat complex" (He is not making you feel special and loved, he is just focused on just having sex. This is not a man you should be with because you will begin to feel hurt and sad each time you hang out with him) much to his awareness i suffer with bdd also and comoliemnts really help me from my partner. anyone else it makes me feel strange.

felt like i was begging for affection or attentiom from him. (He is a very cold person who is incapable of give affection and love because he is mostly focus on his needs and wants) it was always me spending money on paul his excuse was he drives home every week to see me (He is using logic and reason to justify himself instead of listening and making you feel special) but he came home to see his family too.honestly felt like i was being taken for a mug all the time, (He was taking you for granted)

the only time i felt as if i had his attention was during sex.(You deserve a man who makes you feel special in every area, not just in sex) one night i got ready to go out with my friends and he was very angry. (His anger its his way to manipulate and control you, this is how he learned to get his needs met) he told me my clothing is too revealing and men are gonna look at me. (a pair of skorts and a tshirt) nothing too wild. (This communicates he is very insecure and controlling, he has not right to tell you what you should not wear. He fears losing you, so he tends to control you to prevent you from leaving him for another guy) i didnt end up going out after that. infact i sulked because his entire friends list was either girls hes fucked or random girls (some people he knew) and he wouldnt even allow me to wear a pretty outfit on a night out. (You are letting him control and manipulate you, he basically knows you'll do whatever he wants without you having to stand up for yourself.)

i couldnt take his double standads anymore and problems started occuring.

i worked in the healthcare indutry and my shifts were 24 hours long at time (wth breaks and sleep) i sat down after seeing the patients put to bed and he rang me asking about the gym, asking how much i could lift. i always thought the bar weighed 30 and i assumed i could lift 50 (i was a newbie to the weightlifting world) he sent me pictures of half naked instagram models which set off my bdd and he almost tried to pursuede me into getting a bigger ass. (He has this unreasonable view of women, so he is trying to transform and change you into the kind of women like instagram because he doesn't accept you who you are as a person. He is showing a total lack of respect for your feelings and emotions, his only concern is how he can transform you to look like one of those models. This is a major red flag) i showed him a physique i wanted to look like. he said shes too skinny and has no ass. (In other words, he is not showing respect for what you want...it has to be his way if not he throws a tantrum like a child) that is all he was interested in. i felt instantly not good enough for him (He is definetly making you feel that way) as if i didnt already. paul reffered to girls on his instagram as the one with the big tits or said things like im convinced every girl on my friends list has had a boob job. he told me im too sensitive for being upset.(He is minimizing and not showing empathy for how you feel. This tells me he will be very dismissive if you communicate how you feel, it'll be impossible to communicate properly with him)

he rang me another night whilst on shift and started talking about this girl who had followed him (I want you to notice how he is not calling you to say "Hey honey, just letting you know I'm thinking about you and i hope your night is going well" instead he calls you to talk about his conquests and about a girl. He is extremely selfish, and only calls you to talk about what he wants) and he said shes easy all his mates have had a go. he sent me a picture of hi genitals on snapchat and i couldnt sext him back due to being in work. (He is being desperate and needy here. He should first engage your emotions through love and affection, not by sending you those pics first) during this time his snapchat score went up (i was suspicious of this girl and lets face it hes acted disrepectful to me before) it increased rapudly. next day i went to his and had a good day. woke up in the morning and needed to do my makeup

he was in the bathroom and my phone was dead so i trawled his room for a mirror, i didnt root through anything but i found a pair of girls underwear under his bed that wasnt mine (i dont see how he could have cheated though because he was always at work and came home on the weekends) still couldnt find a mirror. (He probably has some sort of sex addiction) so i used his snapchat camera instead (he wasnt bothered about me using it for maps, music etc) dropped the blusher and the phone at the same ime. it went sideways onto his chats and this girls name was at the very top. recieved 2 days ago and this was the time he was sending me pictures of his junk. it was obvious they had been snapchatting quite a fair bit because of the emojis. i messaged the girl before him and blunt but nice. she said shes a lesbian but she had an on?off bf so it didnt make any sense to me whatsoever,

i accused him of cheating and he went mad, took it all out on me instead of calmly reassuring me. (He should have listen and understand where you are coming from, but instead he lost emotional self control and then made you feel disconnected from him)

later that night he had gone though my phone snooping at my messages to my friends and he stormed out in a huff (This is another red flag, he is insecure and doesn't trust you) (i had told my friends he doesnt treat me very nice and they said you need to leave him) had been very angry at the time and said hes a waste of my time etc (Thats true, he is a waste of your time)

i opened up to him for the first time and he completely diregared my feelings again and said im too sensitive. (This is a dismissive style, where he would blame you, dismiss your feelings and would project how he feels on you. It's next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with him) he had asked me to get a flat with him within two month of dating and i was bit shocked! (This tells me he was coming on strong, wanted to lock you down, attachment trauma and projecting unmet needs on you. He no longer saw you as a person, but as an object to get his unmet needs met) so i went with his wishes and got one set up for us, (In other words, you didn't stand up for yourself by telling it was inappropiate. This tells me you are afraid to be alone and looking for someone to feel loved. You are also projecting unmet needs on him, and you are letting him walk all over you) he changed his mind soon after because we argued again over him slagging me off to his friend about my clothing and she said i dress like a slut (He is being disespectful and abusive here...) (my family would be the first to tell me if i did) he had said to this girl mate of his that im trying to trap him with a flat (He is lying to her just so he looks good in her eyes) (it was his idea and the council said he would need to put his name down if he wants the get me home fund) that hes only staying with me to get his birthday money

i was heartbroken over all this, i couldnt believe he was twisting things and leading me on for money.

a girl had messaged him about his past cheating and said she seen him bringing girls into his room when he had a gf (His ex beofre me) and that hes a horror, also trued to rape a girl. (I'm not surprised she messaged him about the cheating, his behavior and actions shows loyalty means nothing to him. He probably have cheated on you, and you probably have suspected this for awhile)

for my birthday he did me a half assed card, no meaning to it and he brought me a neckalce (i was over the moon with it, didnt cost much but it was from him and i loved it) we went fishing for my birthday not really what i wanted to do and i paid. (He did what he wanted during your birthday, made you pay for things and acted selfish. This shows he is very selfish, and doesn't care about other people needs, wants or feelings) he promised me he would take me out the next day for drinks but he forgot his jeans so we couldnt go. (Excuses....)

after all this this girl suddenly came back into it, she was tagging him in things three years ago when they were a "couple" but he said that she was just some girl his mates had been with. i knew he was lying to me about her it was pathetic he made it into such a big deal over nothing.. i followed my instincts and messaged her again. (You don't trust him, He doesn't trust him, so it's pointless being in a relationship with him) i was convinced he was lusting after her and she agreed to message him to put my mind at ease. this account sent me screenshots and on this screenshot it said he wants to fuck her. (This shows loyalty and intengrity means nothing to him, he sees people as objects)

i blew my lid and cofronted him yet again and he said he knew its a fake account and accused me of making it. (He is trying to make you feel like you are crazy and wrong, this is probably gaslighting) called me some horrible stuff like slut and a psycho. (He is being disrespectful and abusive again....)i poved to him it wasnt me but he made my life hell

i was tired of all the drama and tried to end it with him but he dumped me first and begged me back an hour later. (He did this to manipulate you into doing what he wants, now he uses breakups as a weapon) we had a good couple of days after breaking up and we felt better about everything. clean slate. (No, you pushed things on the back of your mind because you were afraid to walk away completly from him) went to A BBQ with his family the weather was very warm and i put a bikini on. he wasnt so fussed at first but he did what he always does and brought a third party into it, his mum. he tried to say his mum found me wearing a bikini disrespecful. he then stripped naked in front of everyone even people on the footpath which were girls, the whole neighbourhood could see him but he made me feel bad for wearing a bikini. (He is doing that because he wants the girls to be crazy for him and impressed by him. He is using double standards here by judging your bikini when he took everything off) he tried to tackle me in the pool and i grabbed onto him beacsue i didnt want to get wet, i bruised him a little but didnt mean it.

he had been making me out to be crazy for months now and i felt super awkward around his family like they hated me . (That's gaslighting)

i even tried to help them out in a difficult siuation by offering them a place to stay and support. he was due to go away and we spent the last weekend together which turned bad again. we got into this habit of constant arguing. (You both were constantly triggering each other past) he would do something and i would get upset and kick off. (This tells me you have kept things surpressed for the longest and now you could blow up for even the smallest of things. It's why it is so important to not keep things inside of you like that) this time it was over the same girl yet again, he said to his mate hes gonna fuck her to hurt me for accusing him and i left at that moment. (This is a punishing behavior he is using to hurt you, but also he wanted to do it with her) he said he would take me home soon and we never speak again. (He is being dramatic here) i was so so hurt by his behaviour. i messaged a guy to get back at him he seen and ordered me out to the car, i asked him why

he said he may as well cheat with her after everything ive done (what refused to be a doormat?) (He is now blaming you for everything even though he is the one who wanted to do it with her, its impossible to have an adult conversation with him) i got hysterical as my mental health declined over the course of this relationship. he sped up drove dangerously and for the first time i shouted at him. he said get out the fucking car now before i throw you out, had no money, 2% battery and was 20 miles away from my home at 1am. he didnt care told me he couldnt care if i got raped or robed (Things have gotten out of hand here, he is trying to control and manipulate you with his behavior. He is being disrespectful to you, and showing that he is not willing to show care for your feelings).i didnt get out and he got verbally abusive,(You shouldn't deal with this, its just awful how he treats you) grabbed my phone off me and tried to throw it out the window because i had the camera open, (This shows he has anger issues, and the tiniest of things will set him off)i begged him not too. he punched his mirror and said ill fucking hit you in a minute. i was so scared.we sorted things out and went back to his, his mum didnt seem to pleased with me but her son could do no wrong in her eyes, all my fault. (I hope that you are planning on leaving this man for good after he said "ill fucking hit you in a minute", your safety and well being are in danger after he said that. He is showing you that he has zero emotional self control and that he cannot do relationships)

we said goodbye the next day as he left and i was upset not gonna lie. (It's understandable you felt that way after what happened) before he went he was joking about fucking prozzies and i couldnt take anymore of it specially when some where in the hotel with him and was making advances. we argued an awful lot split up. he came running back begging me agin for another chance.(He was only begging to get back into your good graces, but then later on he will pumish you) all good again until he dumps me and accuses me of cheating without evidence. (This is projection, I believe he is the one that cheated but is projecting that on you) he told me im not loved and that he hates me. he came back again!! stupid me took him back every time.(He becomes smothered and angry while being close, but then goes through separation anxiety which makes him beg you. Everything he says at this point is a way to get you back and then all the drama will start again) enough was enough with him i found out he was talking to other girls during the break up and his sole intention of the break up was to do that. i left this time and told him never to speak to me again. (I'm glad you stood up for yourself here and had enough of him) during this period i came across another man inthe same situation as me and we agreed to go out as mates. he was so understanding, listened to evry word i said and offered good adivce. (You shouldn't be opening up like this so fast, it shows you are desperate to connect with someone and after awhile it might become overwhelming for this person) he didnt let me pay for anything and he looked msde up with me. (Two people who these kind of issues are going to get triggered in the future, and it will be tough to have a healthy relationship unless you both do the work) we kissed after drinking (me and paul were split up a week) i needed to get over him as the relationship was toxic and i couldnt go back. we had sex and it wasnt like it was with paul. he wasnt forceful or the pleausure wasnt centred around him but on both of us. he held me all night and i felt really safe, we seen each other again the next day and went out. (Things are going well up to this point, just make sure you get to fully know a person before investing your heart and emotions) he knew the situation with paul and supported me. paul came back again saying he fucked up and asked me to marry him. (He is doing this to soothe his own anxiety, everything he is saying at this point are just way to manipulate you into being with him. He will never change, and you'll only end up getting hurt by him) i loved him still so i said yes and got back with him. (This was a bad decision...) this guy easnt angry or mad he understood. i told paul abut this guy although i shouldnt have, paul got angry and returned to his old ways making me leave. (He will never change...) i went back to this other guy and we were having fun

i forgot about paul until he harrasseed me again and asked if i had left him for someone else, of course i didnt. (this is his excuse to establish contact with you and to make you feel like the bad person) i left due to his ways not changing. he came back with marriage proposals again and the usual;. even gave me money towards food because i couldnt afford any. i promised we will work on it and not let stupid things get in the way. (One thing to keep in mind is that he has done this like four times, and in those four times he has not changed at all, so its important to keep an eye on this) he was still being disrespecful but i accepted it in the end. this other guy was telling me pauls gonna hurt me agsain. he was right. on saturday i discoreved hidden files in my house relating to my childhood. they were stashed away. abuse went on and my brothers still in care 5 years later. it was saying i displayed behaviors of being sexually abused and as i read that it felt like id been shot. it reffered to all the abuse that had happened and how child proetection were involved muliple times. i cried as i still live with one if the abusers. i told paul right away and sent him the documents from the courts. he said dont worry i love you im not gonna leave we will get through this together. (It must had been awful what you experienced, hopefully things get better) the next morning he accused me of cheating, said im mental and he hopes i fuck up my life, he left me and made it seem like i was the poblem i was crushed. (He is being abusive and disrespectful here, but this is also an act out. If he even feels even a tiny bit of closeness is where you will see him being abusive on an attempt to push you away so he feels safe in his own space. This guy cannot handle closeness without sabotating the relationship) he then dragged third partes into it again and had gaslighted me to them.

at that moment in time i tried to take my own life by standing on a chair and using a belt to hang myself with. paul was the only peson i felt close so i needed his support. i think hes gone and told everyone about the sexual abuse and showed people the dpcuments. hes demanding his money back off me when i have nothing saying he will come to my house if he has too. im scared of him not going to lie. these past few days have been hard, ive veen drifting out of suicidal thoughts and slept. i feel so betrayed and hurt by him/family, not to mention dealing with flashbacks of the abuse. (it is very important to seek a crisis line when suicidal thoughts come by, i highly suggest you do each time you feel like this. It's understandable you feel scared, but its important to seek out help like from the police or different organazition that could help you dealing with this situation because its obvious he won't stop going after you.)

He is showing you who he is - believe him. Any niceness was just there to reel you in and it's a pretense he can't keep up. It's amazing how many men have crazy exes - they're not crazy, it's his behaviour that makes them that way. He is not good for you :( It sounds like the only benefit is sex and it doesn't even sound like hes much good at that...

It's so hard to walk away when you have been reeled in - when you have invested so much emotional energy into a relationship. You do know you need to walk away? Go cold turkey and put some distance between you. Delete and block his number and delete and block him on all social media - a clean cut is the only way to get rid of someone like this as he will turn on the charm (does he actually really have any?) to reel you back in, but then go back to his true personality.

It really is true - it isn't you, it's him.