need advice asap pls
Hello,
2020 I wanted to go to Australia with my boyfriend, we already quit our flat and jobs but then covid happend.
We both had to move back to our parents.
Our relationsship got tested very bad.
Strangely we both found to god In this time seperatly.
The relationsship got worse and I finish it at the end of 2020.
Then nearly the whole 2021 he tried to win me back (he told me that he cheated on me 4 years ago).
But in April my grandfather ( who was like a father) died after couple of month fighting against the cancer.
It broke my heart and with 29, it was my first experience with death.
Then in august after several time i pushed him away from me, he found someone new is now in a new relationsship.
But friends told me that he is very unhappy.. and because she in the same church and i didnt wanted him back, he thought that god sented her.
But the more time passes he cant believe it and is heartbroken about our seperation just like me.
He even fast and sent a prayer request to the church regarding our situation.
We both suffer... what should i do ? try and talk to him after one year no contact and ask for a normal conversation ?
The break up was pretty bad last year and we both went seperated ways without even talking about it.. i think we both know that there is unfinished business and thats why its so hard.
His best friend told me that im the love of his life and that he dont love the new woman.
We really had special bond and were best friends ( we know each other since we are 3 year old)
All I know that is really affecting my life badly and still suffer like last year with dreams, desires etc.
He is afraid to reach out and well Iam too because i already tried in March but back then his response was not what i was expecting, so i cancel it and said i dont need a conversation anymore.
Im sorry for the long text but i dont know what to do.. I pray for a year now to ask god to heal my heart and let us get back together.
I was very proud and ego the relationsship, and yes he cheated but we went through bad times and we all make mistakes..
I need an honest opinion
I really appreciate any kind of response
thanks for your service
God bleesss youu !
Sam
@emotionalGrapefruit1987
hard to advise you from the distance. some would say listen to your heart. but i know that sometimes we're attracted to people we're not compatible with. look up codependency. you can always meet for a talk to give you closure. or get together for a trial relationship. hoping you both can figure it out one way or another.
@LostTurtle22
Thank you so much for taking your time and answer me.
I really really appreciate it you dont know how.
I had a loooong phonecall with one of our besties, she sits right in the middle
between us.
I told her that I might approach him again and what the best way is to do it.
She and her husband immediatly said just "surprise" him at home. So he has no
other chance to face it or to overthink again... because he is very very anxious
about me jsut like Iam.
But there was on part that made me very unsure about this all again ..
I thought that he is just with her because he cant be alone.. and the timing
was just perfect for him and her to find each other, because we both were already
finished, just like you said before.
BUT He thinks (we are both christian people) that God might sented her to him because
she is christian, serving the same church and is very business focused like he is.
He told our friend that "on paper" she can be a match for him but well the
emotional side is not there. So he is so confused what is the right thing to
do or to say it better which woman sees god for him ?
THe part of missing me, have the desires with me etc. is it from god or the devil?
was she sent from god or the devil ? And without ego, I get that. I was in the same
place like he was last year when he tried to win me back. And i was so sure that
he wasnt the one and god has someone else for me. Someone specific to be honest..
but turned out that wasnt the case at all. So I dont know what your relationsship
is with god and maybe you think now thats is all BS, but all this makes everything more
complicated.
And a big problem was his time, because he is trying to built a business he has
not so much time now. He still made a lot of effort to still make some time with me
but well last year, he had no chance to win me back. I was just so over it.
But as I said his new GF, seems to be more easier now with all this.
But she feels that he is still in love with me, she asked him if Sam(me) would be
standing in front of your door, Im sure i will be gone for you...
So yeah.. she knows whats up.
But Im so confused now!!! i dont want to get involved in a love triangle and i
dont want to proof him that Im the right woman.. I stood by him for 10 years..
I was loyal and faithful the whole time.. and it really really hurts me that a woman
who is still and almost a stranger to him, can question him, who is right one ?
I get that he has fear to go back with me, i have the same, will the old drama
start again and distract him from his life goals, did he let go of the wrong woman
who god sent him etc.
But... oh well sorry for the long text. But im SO SO SO confused and hurt and i just
want this nightmare to end. Im so over it to be inbetween waiting or letting go.
I have no fear to face him but i have fear of the outcome. I dont want a man who
is unsure about me.. even when a lot of ego is also talking right now.
@LostTurtle22
thank you for your response ❤️
Im just so scared and I cant sleep good for many weeks now. I just want this nightmare to end.
sounds like you broke up without real closure and frankly when this happens and time passes both parties do not want to be the person who reaches out.... sometimes when people respond they play cold and distant afraid of being hurt again
his finding someone else is not cheating but simply he moved on ... he believed whatever you two had was gone...
if you want something either a second chance OR closure you need to quit playing games and just be honest ......
i think of all the time and energy that can be saved in telling someone the truth and not expecting them to catch clues or get second hand information from friends .....
@toughTiger6481
thank you so much for your reply.
Im just so afraid of reaching out :( and how i will deal with the outcome, no matter how that will be.
And of course the fact that he is in a new relationship makes it even harder.
@emotionalGrapefruit1987, hi
To me its more like you are sympathising for his situation and want to meet him for that. Be a little selfish , and atleast find a reason to love him and then move on with the conversation.
Cause once you move with him , any amount of sympathy would vanish within few years.
@Skansly
yeah but mostly because i also still love him and when i look into the future, i only see him.
But im so confused and hurt that he, so far as it sounds like through our friends, that he is not sure which woman is for him, even when he misses me and suffers and dont have really feelings for the other woman. but of course now in the beginning the new woman seems easier bevause there are not a lot of history, pain and feelings involved. i dont know what to do
@emotionalGrapefruit1987
So , it all comes down to how much time can you wait for him to return?
You can either tell him that you love him , but if he is not able to decide whats right for him , leave him?
Else you would again be confused for a long time.
@Skansly
I think so.
its been a year now, i turned 30 this year. I want family and marriage... Im just so over and tired and depressed about this whole conversation. If we meet up and still after that he cant decide then i guess its closure enough to end this topic in my life.
But im SO OVER of this waiting season... It affects my life so badly.
@emotionalGrapefruit198,
so many people look for happiness outside themselves.
Wanting to be married and having a family is one of those things. Love yourself first. Having said that, why not invite him to go somewhere for coffee or tea? Express your feelings. Right now you are driving yourself nuts about things you simply don't know. And what for? Invite him, you've got nothing to loose, as long as you stop playing "what if" scenarios that are unreal and only drive you nuts.