pregnant he left me. I want to get revenge.

I M here sick in bed alone crying everyday n I'm sick. Pregnant by him. N I called him begging for help. N he ignored my calls n so I called him several times private. He yelled at me threaten to steal my child when I have it. N to kill me n anyone in his path from his child. I have a order of protection on him but doesn't have one on me. He then goes to the precient n files a herassment complaint on me saying I won't leave him alone. I changed my number n my sister had to as well. I'll be honest though laying here more hurt n depressed n alone mistreated so bad with no family where I live. I just wanna take black paint n motor oil n bash his car n pour it on the car. It's the only thing that puts my soul to ease a little the plot of doing it n getting away with. I'm also afraid I'll do it. N I'm trying to hold my self to stop myself from doing it. I kno it's bad n wrong but it feels good to REVENGE for HOW HE ABANDONED N MISTREATED N ABUSED ME. I WANT REVENGE