trying to break up but he keeps stopping me
I’ve been a sort of relationship with this guy for over a year now. For context, I’m 20 (F), he’s 29 and I tried to break things off with him once before because it was clear that all he wanted me for was sex since he never made any effort to see me except when he wanted sex. We only saw each other every couple months or so because he lives about 2 hours away from me and we are both in school. I also suspected that he has a girlfriend, but I have no way of proving that.
every time I would get frustrated with him he would have an excuse or comeback and I wouldn’t know how to handle it, and this includes when I tried to break up with him the first time. He convinced me to just take a break for the summer since we were both busy and I would be all the way across the state.
I thought that that was the end of it and he would forget about me to be honest but this august he texted me again wanting to see me again. I told him it wouldnt be the same but still caved and met up with him. Now I’m majorly regretting it. He tried texting me every 3 weeks or so with some excuse of why he hasn’t been talking to me and I think it’s solely so I’ll feel too bad to break up with him. This last week I got in a car accident and told him about it and he didn’t talk to me for a week before texting me again, not even checking up on me. I wanted to break up with him for sure this time but when he finally messaged me he had a story about how his dad was in the hospital and that’s why he was so quiet so I just couldn’t do it in case it was true.
I’m not crazy right? He’s trying to manipulate me into staying? How do I get past that? I really don’t want to be with him anymore.
@kviiiie Hi friend. I understand how difficult this situation must be for you and can sense the frustration you have at trying to end this seemingly toxic relationship in your life. I'd like to focus your attention on the last words you wrote: "I really don't want to be with him anymore."
Those are powerful words. It sounds as if you've made the decision in your mind that you strongly desire to end things, but unfortunately your partner is preventing you from being able to convey in the strongest terms that it's over and you are going to move forward with your life.
It sounds like there is a potential that your partner does not respect your boundaries nor the decisions you make in life. I read on a few occasions how essentially you "just couldn't" break up with him due to one thing or another. While I cannot provide advice, I can encourage you to reach out to a listener for a one on one chat about exploring this more deeply and building up the strength and indeed courage to deliver the news that you acknowledge your values are too important to be trampled on or ignored.
Do not be disheartened. You have the ability to find this strength or to cultivate it within yourself. You just may benefit from a bit more discussion and guidance on getting there. Just remember, the most important person in your life is you. You are not responsible for anyone else but you in life (with the exception of if you were a parent, of course!). Looking at it from that perspective, it is you, not he, that matters most in this picture, and you deserve to be respected in the decision you make as to who you want to be with.
Best of luck!
- TwoCreamTwoSugar
@kviiiie,
why do you keep hanging on to him?
Ignore him, start loving yourself. You deserve so much better.
