😪vent
I thought once i leave him things will be better.. to be honest, it really doesn't feel that way.
The trauma of his betrayal is sketched deep into my soul, feels like a part of me that i cant get rid of. Every memory, every picture, every conversation keeps replaying in my mind and breaks my heart each and every time. Often reminded of how he chose every single person above me.
My love and loyalty ment absolutely nothing to him. 8 years of investing in a family he couldn't care less about. Each time i tried to build , he would take those very bricks and build somewhere else. Everything i needed, he freely provided to others,everything he tried to save another woman from, he put me through.
Its been 4months since i got my divorce yet it feels i grow angrier with every passing day. The man i poured my heart and soul into does not even acknowledge how he damaged me. His lack of remorse definitely makes it 100x worse. He has shattered my confidence because my marriage was a complete circus, he had me as the biggest clown.
My heart aches though i dont want to admit, it hurts more than it should.
What do i do with these scars? Scars no1 sees, scars he wont recognise so now i look like the crazy one💔
How does someone say that they love u but do everything that breaks u down?
I do not want the relationship back, i just want all the memories of him and wat hes done to disappear because it is absolute absolute torture!
My soul screams murder but heart is too tired for revenge🩶
Thread wont make sense because my heart is in complete chaos😒
@zaaab
🥺
Your pain is so evident.
I just wanted you to know, in these moments, I hear you, you are not alone 🩷
@Amanda84
Most appreciated. Thank you🤍
@zaaab
The pain of all the things that happened do not go away on their own. Our scars show the trials we endured but scars fade in time. Sometimes people keep them in the forefront by talking about or reliving it over and over.
We need to work through them. I have felt things like you describe anger and pain at same time. Wanting to know why partner cannot just listen and do the plan as I saw it. Without seeing they were NOT on the same plan. Replaying it only intensifies our anger each time a small detail could be made to mean more than it did in the moment.
I hear you. I have felt it too. It took a lot of self-reflection to see in my case I made it worse and held on to any slight like evidence of past mistakes it grew tiring the weight of holding on to things that are in the past. When we let go and we review past things with new eyes we see items we missed. I acted like I could do it all but was mad partner was not helping or doing it "right" (my way), so he quit doing. When I dismissed his ideas or plans, he quit sharing. He did do for others because in my case they appreciated his efforts not correcting them for small imperfections. Would have been much better if we both spoke up but instead, we held on to our resentments.
We do not get a do-over with a better ending...... so I decided to just work with the situation instead of against it. This helped me heal my scars.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you🫠 . It is indeed tiring and i thought iv worked through all the trauma, or atleast some of it. But late at night, tossing and turning having things on replay is evident that i still have alot to deal with.
Perhaps a big part of mine is the utter disbelief that he was capable of doing what he did.
Thank you for sharing, appreciated 🤍
Hey Zaaab I feel you very much deeply. Im going through same thing in life. I reach out to people whom I know so that way it feels somewhat better however like you mentioned the replays is something I'm unable to stop. I have lot of questions even though I know the answer is just I only tried and feel bad not her!!!! She hasn't even felt guilt pain nothing as such yet moved on with another guy in just 3 days.
I stopped running behind her and the past. Take up one task everyday every night. Set time for your thoughts. You should keep telling yourself you didn't deserve this. Shift focus on yourself rebuilding your life. At one point you will not just try but live with it. You need one strong push from this past life to new life. I know its not easy. It is not for me as well. Lets try and move forward towards light peace and self love.
@blueCup2515
Im so sorry that u had to go through something so terrible. Best we can do is take it one day at a time.
Heartbreaking that they dont even feel anything 💔 i think accepting that it happened is the hardest, not denying it but actually accepting that someone that claimed to love you could put you through so much pain and not even flinch.
But one thing is for sure, no1 deserves to go through this, nor should it define anyone. We are not what happened to us🌸
Wishing you all the happiness, for the road doesnt end here. We are just passing through
