Need advice
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and two months. We broke up a couple of weeks ago. Two days later we sat down and talked things out. She told me it wasn’t her intentions to break up. That she wanted to tell me all the things about me that have turned her off and are causing her to push me away. Said things like she feels I’m an adult child, that I’m codependent, that she wants to be equals and not play roles. Said that we need to work on ourselves. Told me that she thought us sleeping in separate beds would be good for her for right now. That she doesn’t feel like being intimate with me.
okay so four maybe five hours after that conversation… she cuddles up to me on the couch. Asks me if I will sleep in her bed with her that night. I agreed. When we got into bed she cuddled up on me and then started rubbing all over me. She initiated us fooling around and of course going all the way.
that was three almost four weeks ago. Can you say confusing asf? Since then we have not had another conversation about us whatsoever. All I’ve gotten since has been a peck or two a day. No touches. No cuddles. We have slept in the same bed basically since as well.
helpppppp. It’s pretty much impossible for us to ever talk about us. So I could use some advice that isn’t just “oh try talking to her” 🤦🏼♂️
Sometimes people don't really know what they're asking for when they ask for it. I think you should work on her comments about you being 'codependent.' I can't read her mind, but maybe she wants you to act more mature and maybe be the one to make a move before she does. I hope this help you in your relationship.
Best wishes, Cain
i appreciate you replying. I just wanna tell you a little about me and my part in this situation.
so she has two boys (13&11). I work. I clean. I cook. I do majority of the laundry (kids do their own). I get up every morning and I either help or am the one packing lunches and getting kids on buses or taking them to school. I’m pretty mature. Don’t get me wrong tho. I do have a child at heart side. But her reasoning for saying that I’m like a child is she takes me showing affection and if it’s not reciprocated I pull away (she takes that as me pouting) but it’s not. I’ve explained to her that it makes me feel like it’s unwanted. Like she doesn’t want to be touched. So I respect her and will stop.
i do not feel like I’m dependent on her. I feel like she depends on me more than I do her. I always make the move. And the way it is reciprocated feels like an inconvenience. Like I’m kissing someone who doesn’t want to kiss me back. I get a pecks these days.
@adaptableOak8907- You sound like a responsible, helpful and caring partner. Has there been a change in her health, work, responsibilities lately - same with the children. If not, often a relationship cools down after the initial attraction. She does have to be commended for communicating that she needs some physical distance. BUT - the conversation and discussion should be revisited since you are feeling pushed away. Hopefully you both can find some "we" time and sit down to chat about how her request is affecting your feelings. Best of luck to you. (Wish my husband had been frank with me several years ago and given me a chance to discuss our relationship)
