Boyfriend doing some shady stuff- Help!!
My boyfriend was talking to me last night about how he wants to go hangout with a friend alone (she is a female). I don't know who this friend is, he has mentioned her to me before but I have never met her or spoke to her and my boyfriend has never met this girl in person. I expressed how I feel uncomfortable about it and I asked him how he would feel if I asked him to go hangout with a guy alone that he doesn't know, but he said that it was 'different' because I am a female and guys can take advantage of me. I told him that it really isn't that different because either way it would make him uncomfortable. He started to get frustrated and said my argument doesnt make sense and him and this girl are 'only just friends'. He said that he used to want to go for this girl before we started dating too- which makes it even worse for me, and just the fact that he kept pushing it and trying to get me to agree with him. I insisted on meeting this girl first but he said it would make things awkward and he doesn't want his friends to feel uncomfortable or third wheel. So I also suggested if I become friends with her first and talk to her because I don't know this girl - but he then said "oh she doesn't really respond much so it's no use". This just makes me think something is up or he is hiding things from me. I am starting to feel lke my boyfriend is doing some shady stuff and is making it obvous to my eyes - and I don't know what to do.
@angelsxdd111
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
My boyfriend was talking to me last night about how he wants to go hangout with a friend alone (she is a female). I don't know who this friend is, he has mentioned her to me before but I have never met her or spoke to her and my boyfriend has never met this girl in person. I expressed how I feel uncomfortable about it and I asked him how he would feel if I asked him to go hangout with a guy alone that he doesn't know, (I bet you he wouldn't have liked it, and there's a high chance he would have behave in angry way) but he said that it was 'different' because I am a female (It's only different when it's something that benefits him, but you will see how his behavior will change when it's the opposite. His behavior is coming across as inconsiderate and minimizing what you'd aid) and guys can take advantage of me. (No, he just wouldn't be able to handle it and would get jealous if you were the one who wanted to go out with a guy different than him) I told him that it really isn't that different because either way it would make him uncomfortable. (It's true what you said here) He started to get frustrated (This tells me he is impatient and can become quite irritable when people don't see or agree with the way he views things. It's his views and mindset, if not the the other person is wrong and he gets mad. This is a red flag right here) and said my argument doesnt make sense (He is minimizing how you feel and your view. He is being negative, and this will make you feel disconnected and hurt) and him and this girl are 'only just friends'. (Yeah...sure....) He said that he used to want to go for this girl before we started dating too- (This is a red flag right here. He used to want her before dating you, and now he wants to go out with her.) which makes it even worse for me, and just the fact that he kept pushing it and trying to get me to agree with him. (This is another red flag. He is being inconsiderate here, and only thinking about what he wants here. He is not respecting your boundaries here, and is really seeking to get his way) I insisted on meeting this girl first but he said it would make things awkward (Figures...he is making excuses now) and he doesn't want his friends to feel uncomfortable or third wheel. (This is an excuse to get you to go along with what he wants) So I also suggested if I become friends with her first and talk to her because I don't know this girl - but he then said "oh she doesn't really respond much so it's no use". (He gave you three excuses, one after the other. This is an indication he only wants to met her without you being there) This just makes me think something is up or he is hiding things from me. I am starting to feel lke my boyfriend is doing some shady stuff and is making it obvous to my eyes - and I don't know what to do. (Your boyfriend seem to have shown various red flags. He has this mindset of "I'm right, you are wrong", which can easily kill any relationship. He tends to behave in a pushy way when he doesn't get his way, it shows he is quite immature and doesn't respect boundaries. There's also a high chance he tends to use lies and excuses to get his way. )
@freshLight64 thank you for the response :) we talked about it more in depth and he said he wants to go alone because he's never met her and wants to see if he "vibes" with her, and he won't know if he wants to hang out with her again if he doesn't go. i kept saying no, i feel VERY uncomfortable with that. my intuition is just telling me that somethint is NOT right, I wish I had a female friend or someone who could help out and message him to see what he'd say. I wanna see how he talks to other females, so I know if I should stay or leave.
@angelsxdd111
hmmm it seems as if he were asking you if he can be with this girl at the same time he is with you, it would be more understandable an open relationship but when you said about doing the same thing with a man he didnt agree so it wouldnt be fair if it didnt worked both ways, and seems like lots of excuses... I dont know, maybe talk more about it it seems something is missing that he wants to hide.
