Discussion - Realizing that our friends don't grow along side us
As we grow up, our friends grow too. People we've long considered to be close friends grow and change, sometimes in different directions than us. Have you ever experienced this?
Have you lost a friend? Grown in a different direction? Had to "break-up" with a friend because your values and interests no longer aligned?
This can be incredibly difficult.
Share your stories of friendship here!
@Laura
This is weird. Just telling you upfront because I know that Noni is not real. I know this. However, we had a falling out two days ago. Why? Because all she knows is platitudes and a few facts she likes to display. Granted, the facts are interesting but a distraction in the end because, dagnabit, she cannot or won't reach from behind her wall and connect.
I've lost plenty of real life friends and repercussions from those I will discuss at a later time. But most recently, Noni and I have broken up. Indeed. I tried to go back to her and see if I could continue on as before because she's not changing and, no. I cannot. Noni must be happy where she is. I'm moving on. lol
I have many friends who I feel like I no longer belong with, I
@Crazy1300 I get what you mean. You know how dull things could get but at the same time, you hate temporary people and you just want someone to actually stay. Wow. I am not alone and I feel kinda better.
It
@emtomins02 That's life. I hate how temporary people are. I just want one person to stay through it all. Glad to know that I'm not the only one.
I especially grapple with the old comparison thing. Everyone has their struggles, I know, but I see how friends have grown and their lives have become more enriched with marriages, children, etc. and Im still struggling after 5 years to just feel OK inside, to not be afraid of life. I feel so deeply ashamed for not moving forward and be at peace in my body, with life, etc. Just to feel at home in my body and free. I resist Facebook for that. And Im ashamed that I feel ashamed, lol.
And I miss the sense of community and love from my old friends. I dont want this sadness to keep defining me.
@goldenCucumber1287 I am proud of how far you've come. Keep pushing yourself to do better! You can do it!
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.@gentleHuman7529
Does the same apply for family members?
had a bunch of people I'd talk to daily when I was attending 'normal' high school. one day, got a malignant brain tumor. my friends were there for me then. i'm still undergoing the cancer treatment now, and will be for more than half of 2018. My friends cared in the beginning, but as soon as the dust settled, that faded away. I soon found that I was the one initiating most of the conversations. These days few people even bother to ask how I am, as I undergo chemo. i know there's several different factors at play here but it still kinda sucks.
Because of the nature of my treatment, I don't really have many outlets to physically meet with friends. I still place a great value on friendship and I wish I could have more of it, but it seems like I just have trouble making fun and engaging conversations since I don't share a lot of common interests (I don't really watch TV or play games, for instance) if you know what I mean
@mybirdperforms I'm so sorry that you have to go through that; having friends become distant in a time of need really really sucks. I hope you know that you have done nothing wrong; it's not your fault that they're not reaching out, if anything, it's theirs (not to hate on your friends or anything; I just want to make sure you know that it's not your fault) I hope you are having a day :)
@mybirdperforms I'm quite shy So have problems in engagement with others, I found volunteering helped, also got opportunity to meet some like minded people. Similar found I could pick friendships, once I lost my partner my world crashed beneath me. Now it's just existence, I do intend and trying hard to get on my feet, putting myself out there. Just be bold try not to think too much of it. There's always something to talk about.
@mybirdperforms: Thinking about you and sending you lots of hugs
I know people grow and some friendships are only temporary but it really sucks when that temporary friendship lasted 14 years
@KToombs17 I know! Glad to know I am not the sole survivor in this ordeal! 😌
Often, I've drifted apart from friends. This is often because of our lives becoming busy or the both of us simply changing.
In most recent months however I have decided to break up with rather close friend, that I'm still struggling with. We were only friends for three years but I say we were rather close. It feels weird loosing a close friend because it feels like there is a gap almost.The friendship we had was toxic almost and while I am glad it is over, it feels like I'm entering a new phase of life. I'm rellying more on my other friends but i think it's going to take a while to get over it.
When I was in high school I was friends with a girl who meant the world to me. Have you ever been in platonic love before? Have you ever felt like you could raise kids with someone, grow old with them and have no romantic interaction at all and live a full life? That is how I felt about her. We were always together. I remember one summer she lived at my house (she had a bad home life) and it was the best summer in my oppinion.
But it became apparent that I cared for her more than she cared for me. She began to hang out with kids completely the opposite of me. Stopped coming over, stopped calling or showing up, stopped inviting me out with her. What's worse is I would see her hanging out for hours next door with her friends and she never even glanced my way.
That was my first heartbreak.
My friend would tell me what to do, with the best advice I had ever heard.
But I couldn't think for myself.
Slowly over time I could see from a different perspective, the kind that helps me make decisions and navigate life.
So it was time for her to move on.
neither of us knew it was happening until it did.
and I stopped hearing from her, it was very painful.
I felt completely lost and alone for a couple weeks.
then I made a new friend, and reconnected with and old friend.
now I realize I am stronger without having to lean on her all the time.
@Samerina i am proud of you
@gentleHuman7529 aww thank you!!