Discussion : What is your toxic trait?
hello my lovely community! happy sunday, very glad to see you here today 
Often, we tend to discuss red flags in others, toxic traits our partners / friends have rather than reflect on our own traits and what we are maybe doing wrong. Having a toxic trait or more does not mean being a bad person - and it is really important to be honest with yourself here in order to improve.
this question requires lots of self-awareness and being able to view your flaws - it is definitely a hard thing to do and scary to admit our own flaws, but no one is judging you. we all have toxic traits. i have too.
so i would like to ask you to sit down for a moment and ask yourself,
what is your most toxic trait you can admit to?
I have trouble opening up to people who know me. I could tell a stranger everything I'm going through and what I'm dealing with, but I can't tell people who are close to me, especially family. I also don't take criticism well if I feel its a personal attack on the person I am. I just get super defensive of I just zone out and almost not hear what the other person is saying. I have a bad case of anywhere but here the longer I stay at a place the more I want to leave.
I have trouble trusting people and always second guess them, this affects all my relationships. I also have a very short temper and anything can trigger it, this also harms people close to me.
I'm stubborn, I won't listen to what people have to say. I cannot admit to my mistakes. I also think badly of myself.
When I get angry, I start breaking things and regret
My fear to hurt other people puts me in a very passive position and I limit myself and my freedom without anyone even asking, to an extent where I'm not independent and I'm very sensitive to any criticism that may suggest I've done something wrong or let someone down. This is hard for people to watch, just as self harm is, because they're watching a person they care for living in fear, killing every bit of her potential and giving up on her life and everything she would want for fear of hurting others. And I know it's frustrating and makes them feel powerless, but right now this is the best I can do. I'm making progress but I need time
@GhostlyLilian I don't know, but I want, people to like to friend me 
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@NancyDrew1
You feel like no one likes you?
@GhostlyLilian Oof, I feel that a little too much. Unfortunately for me it turns even uglier if it's someone I've known for a long time. I've started to feel resentful of my mom because of it. I've been passive and for a good 30+ years now I've given in to her but I feel it finally suffocating me. Then I feel hurt that she doesn't even see my suffering. I've tried to hint to her about it but she just sees me as being whiny and complaining. Then the rare times I do find my voice and I try to approach her in a calm manner about what I'm going through, I get insulted. The times I try to stand up for myself I get called disrespectful. She'll be like "this isn't you" and she just doesn't understand. Yet she also knows I'm "too nice" and a "pushover". It's almost like at this point she thinks I should be like that with her. I'm learning to try not to be like this, because it gives everyone a chance to walk all over you and it sucks the life out of you over time.
@cinnamonteal
Exactly. The closer the relationship gets, the more you apply the pattern you learned with your mother. I don't know how this started with your mum, but the pattern that came out with her is very unhealthy. Insulting someone that's trying to gently open their heart is harmful and immature, punishing attempts to send up for one's self is very damaging. If she's been doing this from when you were a child, I can see why you adapted to be passive and lost your sense of boundaries. This is very dangerous, and I'm relieved that you're working on that. Good job 🙂 keep it up, it's very important
@GhostlyLilian I really heard a lot of my recent struggle in your post. I was having trouble expressing myself to my husband who I have been with for 20 years, struggling with questioning whether or not I was being too passive or too demanding at times. I felt the same way about how I was in my career. Even though I made some progress with the therapist I was seeing, I still didn't feel at ease with myself. On our last session she happened to mention Marshall Rosenburg's Non-Violent Communication to me. I think I've watched about 15 hours of videos of him on YouTube now giving seminars, and it has been the most helpful thing for me. I hope that if you decide to look into it that it will be helpful for you too.
@dumdumsareyum37
Oh, thank you very much for the resource. I really appreciate it. Good luck with your work on yourself ❤️ I hope it will bring you more peace and fulfillment
Jealousy
i find myself very lonely at times and i tend to lead people on. i dont know if its on purpose or not. i dont like to hurt anyone. i like the feeling of someone caring for me but when they start flirting i get scared and back off.
@spiritwolf24
Post them somewhere all parties are anonomys?
@HappyToe420
This got posted to the wrong post.
I am my toxic trait.
Okay but for real. When I give in to the angry and feel isolated and ganged up on. I take to the internet and post screenshots of the arguments on FB and Instagram because my crazy ass wants vindication "I'M NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE CRAZY. Seeeeeeee. And if I am, it's cause you made me crazy"
Like yes to an extent triggers but I realize it's not healthy and I'm tryingggggg not to but it's... Not easy
@turquoiseStrings175
Post them somewhere all parties would remain anonomys?
I'm probably my own toxic trate.
I have a situation that I am my own worse enemy. I never ever listen to my own advice, I always go against what I know I should be doing. I cant help myself. Kryptonite has hit and I'm 2 weak 2 fight it atm. 🙈
There is a long list of my toxic traits .
My constant habit of comparing myself with every one , jealousy , envy , stubbornness and so on .
Not being very good at being assertive without being too passive or too aggressive or too passive-aggressive. I also tend to be very down on myself and can get self-destructive, which is difficult for others to see. I tend to stuff things that distress me instead of dealing with them properly, so when an argument inevitably breaks out, I have a laundry list of complaints.