Forum Discussion- Why is it hard to be vulnerable?
We all experienced the outcomes of being vulnerable and that is why we are picky about showing our vulnerability.
It feels hard to open up. Your past and zillion other reasons stop you to open up yourself.
There is this thing with us. We want to see another vulnerable side. We want them to trust and open to us about themselves. Feel free to share and talk anything. But, not want to do the same. Because I guess we see it as a flaw in us.
I might be wrong and that is why I want to discuss this with you.
Why is it hard to be vulnerable for you?
Let the discussion begin!
If you liked this discussion, here are a few more for you -
👉 How has your Mental Health affected your relationship?
👉 When should I walk away from a relationship?
To add or remove your name, please submit this short form-- https://goo.gl/NWf9Kn
@Offmytrack @OneErased @Emirson2018 @SentientiaPoecile @peachkitty @Lexloveslife @AbbyHarris1976 @Mared @aPeacefulafternoon @Summershy @AveryLove @PerpetuallyKekastrophic, @MissDaria18 @OwenJackson73 @AntenorA @Roro36 @Freshmelon54 @lightDrum8955 @LadyInSilence @hereforyoualways123 @SpreadPeaceandlove @conscientiousPineapple1782 @strawberrywillow @Skywalker2002 @Rebekahwriter13 @Oxatnik @Falkenberg @beautifulMemory16 @lavenderOrange4849 @6Dragonflies @nabilah17ism @DanielaC @CarrieHolmes @Sailor57 @Tahja07 @magicalHorizon48 @Arman13 @RoseJuliet @understandingWater785 @Friendlycomfort81 @hopefulPower54 @Asru @CompassionateYoshi88 @ShineWithin @DogFish1 @Katee02 @Floatingbubbles @Foreverchangedbyyou @LeoisListening @MyownkindaCrazzi @bunnyhugs616 @stephi0504 @caitlin1217 @Lunaticphilosopher @WunderfrogWeirdo @lightLemonIsaac5408 @WinglessYetFlying @StardustLetters @heysunshine12 @Radioguy @Open2Change @HumorousPear1826 @HopefulPower54@Helping2findaway @CalmingStar @Hope3729 @SaimaK @BeyondTheInvisible @Skybar @onedirection1213 @Francescahelps @Katheryn @Hashib22 @SpringWaltz @Booklover95 @Clarisse29 @Emirson2018 @Mia1602 @Mountainmystic777 @SupportiveMonkey46 @electricLily13 @ninetaleslove @scenicwindow @JamilaBrownPsyD @ShareenBirgesBASSCounGDYMH@Auditormadness9 @Busranurr @charmingbeauty55 @dancersoul @FranklyMaple @GodsBabyGirl1981 @grassup @gymnast9460 @Hope3729 @ingeniousfriend59 @tryingmybest7 @Lovelylady18 @ninetaleslove @phia7292 @phia7293 @red85 @dopey @GodsBabyGirl1981 @LePapillon @sgtdavis33 @GusteeMoon123 @EncouragingSteps @DanaMH @BrooklynM @Avaboo @navyOcean3488 @BlueEast @Cparsons816 @kizzyaaliyah @Feepersane @k87 @PlumBeechwood7549 @bubblyFaith17 @parisliangbts @beanie @answers @ryha3274 @sunnyApricot6027 @Gtalker8845 @Solivagant2609 @Parisaegyo @Soulflyer, @Leahninhi @easywest5007 @azuladragon34 @Moana22 @ItsReganingRain @Kay @Pakhi!!123 @k87 @Clarisse29 @ConnectOn @Colourfultiger @niceCLEMEMTINE1415 @ShawnMendesGoals @Albatrosinthesky @k87 @Wittie96 @Aathmika @ngsuling1986 @Bubbles120 @Tiger222 @Webehejdjfj @crazycountry210 @Stephen @JellyBean299 @Erato @niceDaisy36 @c9frexs @adventurousPal4301 @Cexe @somewhathappy @1funredhead
@ASilentObserver
Why is it hard to be vulnerable for you?
It is so hard for me to be vulnerable except with certain people but that will change soon as well. It is hard to be vulnerable because emotions are supposed to be personal and it doesn't feel alright to just share them with someone, there are various reasons for this and I'll explain some (These are all I have learned and experienced) -
1. You feel like you're bothering them. This is so common. It isn't because of the other person's reaction to it rather just something that we feel and we feel this deeply. It's constantly a battle to keep it within our ourselves because we don't want to burden the other person. Everyone has something going on and if you're the only person who's constantly sharing how you feel then you start to stop. You feed yourself reasons why you should keep it within, when the other person asks why you have stopped sharing - you may have an emotional outburst on them and appear rude. (Happened with me)
2. You don't understand them yourself. You don't know how you feel, what are you supposed to share? We don't want to be seen as someone who can't even understand their own feelings.
3. You think they are not important. We don't usually talk about our feelings, so, sometimes it's natural to feel like it's... Unnatural. You don't just connect with anybody. You need time to get comfortable with someone.
4. You don't know what being vulnerable means. Is it just talking about our feelings? Do I just have to share what's happening in my life? Do I just have to talk?
5. You don't feel emotions, you just accept them intellectually. This is something my listener told me. I don't feel emotions or anything because I'm intellectually addressing them. I have them but I don't have a body reaction to it. I put feelings in boxes in my mind as sad, happy, excited, lonely, hopeless, etc. I don't feel them. So, how to talk about feelings if you don't already feel them?
6. Your past is painful, people you shared things with, left. This one hurts, pretty bad. Although I would say there is often NO link to what is happening in the present with the past. If you're someone like me, people have ALWAYS left you in the past or YOU distanced yourself. People leave and you cannot accept it so you push people away before they get the chance. Sometimes, you do this so unknowingly that you feel it's just that you've changed. When in reality, it's something else. I don't know what. Sometimes it's their choice but mostly it's yours. And you don't accept it because you don't want to take the blame but still believe that you are taking it. You make choices and it's not unnatural to not regret them.
@ASilentObserver
myb cos friend brainwashed me
and scared of ending up alone
@ASilentObserver
Great question!!!
It's really hard for me to be vulnerable because of the culture in which I was raised. Ever since I was a kid, I was taught that boys don't cry and that if you're strong, you don't talk about your emotions, suck it up and get through it on your own. I remember the times when I would be like 3 or 4, get hurt on the playground and hear "Emirson, boys don't cry!" Or my first ever basketball game, I was 6 at the time - we lost and I was really frustrated and my dad said "Hey, stop being a baby! Suck it up, boys don't show their emotions." And then when my grandpa died, I heard the same exact thing "Boys don't cry, Emirson." Then this year's playoffs...I was scared because everyone was saying the whole game was on me (and if we lost, we were out). In my 3 years in high school, we never made it past district championship. Now we were in regionals, about to go to states. And the whole team was putting me in charge! So I was really nervous. And my mom said something I will always remember. She said, "Emirson, you aren't a captain! If you were being a decent captain, you wouldn't be scared." (And mind you, all I said was that I'm really nervous. I wasn't making a huge deal out of it) Yet, I "wasn't being a captain."
There are other examples too, but a combination of all of them taught me the standards of how a boy was supposed to act. Andto this day, I still have trouble being vulnerable in front of others and showing my emotions.
@ASilentObserver
Great thread topic! 
In my opinion, I think it's more about who you can trust to be more vulnerable toward rather than whether or not to be vulnerable at all. It appears to me that many of those who are putting up a facade of invulnerability are themselves vulnerable as well, but it only takes a matter of time for that facade to come crashing down ... and when it does, it can be quite fearsome and likely harmful.
So, it is very important to have a few people in your life that you feel that you can trust enough to be more vulnerable towards. I know it's hard because I've been "burned" many times by those who ended up being more fraud than friend and I can't stress enough how terrible it is when you get pulled into a codependent relationship with a gaslighting narcissist who keeps playing the "I'm sorry I treated you like that, I don't want to lose you!" card over and over again to keep you roped into that kind of relationship.
Recently, I had a listener friend here explain to me about the importance of learning the technique of "emotional acceptance" ... that doesn't necessarily mean that we have to like it when unfair things happen to us in life ... but if we can accept and acknowledge that they happened, we can better be able to cope with and work through the problem.
@niceDaisy36
Here's another good thread topic here
@AbbyHarris1976
Thank you so much for tagging me, its a good thread. i will reply here soon 
Why is it hard to be vulnerable for you?
I have walls up and I do put them down because I really do wholy trust anyone. Anyone i put all my trust into always let me down.
It is hard to be vulnerable for me because of my past experiences, but mostly because of how the person in front of me reacts. I have always been shut down if I try to show how I feel and where i am from you don't talk about feelings as such. I've always been told I was wrong or I've been ignored.
And during fights, I'm shown how I was at fault and because it has happened repeatedly, now I look for my own fault. So at any point if I show my vulnerability I am just scared of what the person's next step will be, so I just got used to avoiding it by hiding it.
I think its hard for us to be vulnerable because we somehow believe that it opens us open to rejection. We're afraid of getting hurt. It can be a scary thing to let down our defenses and the guards that we have put up and allow people in. We're afraid they will see all of our flaws and somehow not like us or accept the person we really are. But what I have found (and mind you, I'm still working on this) is that when we do let down our guards and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, amazing things can happen. For anyone looking into exploring vulnerability and wanting some help with self esteem in the process, I would highly recommend listening or reading materials from Brene Brown. I'm listening to her book 'The Power of Vulnerability'. Excellent source.
Speaking of WALLS ... I also put up walls sometimes after I'd been hurt or "ghosted" by those who'd I'd previously thought of as friends, because when you talk to someone that you think you trust and tell them things about yourself that you wouldn't normally share, and then they all of a sudden leave you with no warning or reason ... it's like they lied to you also.
When those you care about lie to you and pretend that they care about you and then you find out that they really don't ... it makes it really difficult to open up in the future and let anybody in. 
@AbbyHarris1976
It is so true what you said Abby. I have faced this many times in my life. Am shy and introvert and when i open up about myself to anyone, it really requires load of trust, but when people ghost me, ( those fallen friendships), it hurts me a lot. Yet with time, i start to talk with people, but about opening up, i just speak to my sister , it makes me feel safe to open up. All i pray everyday is that this connection stays and be stable always.
What about how a person was raised? My vulnerability was destroyed at a young age because I have the most toxic mother, though I did not realize it until I got older. Past boyfriends always asked why I was so "emotionless" and only showed feelings through sex. My husband now says I am empty like a rock. He is a very loving man, but I am so utterly self conscious that he will criticize me for showing my feelings at all. Yet I have been with him for 8 years! My mother was and is a cruel person. Manipulative and always criticized me as a child for every little attempt of doing good for myself. Nothing was ever up to her standards. I had to keep all my emotions inside. Unfortunately, I still don't know how to be vulnerable.
