How To Validate Your Partner’s Feelings

"1: Rephrase and repeat their feelings back to them.

Don’t copy them like a parrot, but instead, paraphrase what they’re telling you and say it back to them in order to ensure that you’re truly understanding what they’re saying.

Remember, the idea here is to show your partner that you’re acknowledging their feelings — not to step in and provide a solution. Sometimes, that’s all they really need — or, it serves to provide a solid foundation for a productive conversation that grows from there.

2: Keep the attention on THEM and their experience.

Now is the time to keep the focus and attention on your partner, and to stay in the space that they need to create with you. On the surface, it feels like you’re relating, connecting, or understanding their feelings — but in their mind, they’re wondering why you’re turning the story onto you, which invalidates what they need in the moment: For you to meet them in their world and sit with them for awhile.

3: Listen intently.

Undivided attention, a quiet room, phones nowhere in sight, and holding eye contact are all necessary pieces of an environment where your partner can feel safe and secure opening up to you in the ways that they need to in this moment.

4: Don’t pacify them or immediately agree with them on everything.

I think a common misconception about validating your partner’s feelings is that it means you need to agree with every single thing they say. That is, after all, how to show them their feelings are valid…right?

Not necessarily. Mature and healthy couples understand that they’re not going to agree on everything, but that doesn’t mean either person’s feelings are “wrong” or “invalid,” just that they’re different.

It’s natural (ahem…and healthy…and normal…) for two grown adults to have their own individual thoughts, feelings, and philosophies. Validating your partner’s feelings doesn’t mean you need to pretend to agree with them on every single point… It does mean exactly what it says: That you acknowledge their feelings as valid and real, regardless of whether or not you share them or agree with them.

5: Avoid “problem solving” mode.

In most scenarios, though, someone “complaining” to you means that they’re confiding in you, that they trust you with these deep and personal feelings, that they just want you to provide the support they need in order to find a solution on their own — or maybe — they just want to get something off of their chest and will feel better as a result."

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✨Takeaway: Validating your partner's feelings is an essential part of building a healthy and strong relationship. However, it takes more than simply listening to your partner to show that you understand and respect their feelings.

✨Reflection: How do you support your partner in situations like this?

#Relationship #Validate #Feelings

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