Husband speaking to other women
My husband and I have been together for 8 1/2 years and go married 2 1/2 years ago. I caught him talking/texting with another woman before we got married and I forgave Hume for that, but recently I have discovered that he has been snap chatting with two other women. I am so upset that I am beside myself. I don’t know what to do. Any help with this would be appreciated. I really don’t want to get a divorce if at all possible.
Have you considered couples counseling? It might help you two navigate some of your issues
@selfconfidentClementine7330
do you know what they are chatting about ? is it flirtings with me online and makes me feel good about myself and if so what are you talking with him about the laundry or household things.......
I am in no way blaming or anything but if you want to fix you would need to meet whatever need he is getting by chatting with others.......
if it is affirmation that he is attractive and fun.... or if it is even things you have no interest in one person i knew chatted about video games his spouse learned the game to be the one chatting with him. I wish my spouse had any interest in talking to me ..........
i chat with someone else because i am tired of being alone or talking only about his interests or the dog...... so if someone flirts with me online and makes me feel alive and attractive ..... i do not feel bad about the chats.
@toughTiger6481
they were talking about one another’s porn preferences and such. It was definitely sexual. He did not see anything wrong with what he was doing, until I caught him for the third time. I have brought up marriage counseling. He has said that he would do it, but I am not sure that he will take it seriously.
Well then... did you ask why?
has he ever asked you if you watched or had a preference in such things..... I really think until the person can say what these chats were doing for him he will not quit ..... if it is a thrill of some sort but he explains it to you no longer a taboo item and probably holds little further interest in it.
He just tells me, “I don’t know.”
@selfconfidentClementine7330
I have a spouse ,who although an alcoholic, occasionally buys and drinks in secret really cheap wine.......i have asked why ..... what motivates you to do this.... his response "i don't know" ..............
I know he does KNOW......... so i just say "you may not be able to say why but you know"............ and then asked him how he would feel if i did something and answered like that ........... that turnabout is fair .....
i had a chance to bring home a very nice 1/2 bottle of wine home from an event..... i sat and drank in front of him ........... the point was if it was........ not about alcohol..... he could have had some......it was more about doing something in secret.......
people telling you "oh i will stop" first need to KNOW what the mental payoff is........... would he enjoy discussing similar topic with you?
I did ask him how he would feel if I talked to another man that way and he said that he didn’t know what he would do. He had to be getting something from it, but he says that he was just “talking ***”
the best thing we can do is make them think and reevaluate their thoughts ....
In most situations in life we rarely change someones mind but we can encourage them to reflect on what they do and see and they change their perspective.....
I know it is hard and i just wanted you to know someone understands and i hope he thinks about this seriously and decides.
Thanks. I appreciate your insight. I guess time will tell what happens. The ball is in his court now whether I leave because I told him that if it happens again. That’s it.
My husband does this. It’s ve tried everything I can think to satisfy the need or desire that he is missing. He says it’s the thrill of the chase, or he is just using it like porn. I feel it is disrespectful and he should not be giving attention and affection to anyone but his spouse. I don’t know what to do either. Counseling is just too expensive.
@selfconfidentClementine7330 Have you considered talking about committed polyamorous relationships? Many people find the excitement of new partners combined with the stability of marriage and long term relationships.
have you considered talking to him about ways to add excitement to his life, and yours? Are these other people doing things you are not? Do you talk about your needs, goals, ore desires together at all?
