Letters on the wind | Write your heart out

Her name is Susan
We met through Match.com
I had never seen a woman like her
We went out for dinner
She was beautiful and thoughtful
I chatted with her
Afterwards, she gave me a little hug
We are still together after 3 years.

Dear (me) Gods, Goddesses, Fates, and anyone else who will listen. . .
Please send prayers and good vibes. . . help me fight my fears and focus positivity. I realized my manifestations and prayers for others work well. Thank you so much for listening.
My fears and worries. . . (Note: I am always worrying for myself and my family.)
We will never get a better living space. . . I have no privacy, we in a bath tub so I can actually soak for my arthritis.
I will never get strong enough to get a job or be constant enough to make money with my writing. I would love a job at home where I do not deal with alot of people.
I need to be more semi-socialable, but people are well. . . rude, selfish, and in their own world. (I admit I like my own world, but it doesn't produce money. Sigh) However with the virus people have been more rude and paraniod and less helpful. I still try to help out when I can.
I am nervous that I never meet my guy. He lives with family (his mom who is sick)1200 miles away. He and I go so well it's like peanut butter and chocolate. He is the only one I would consider having a kid with (if fates were to have it) he is also the only one I really write with.
I would like to connect with all of my family, but part of my family is very conversative and controlling and do not see the world the way that I do. I'm not liberal, but I'm not super conversative. . . it's a middle ground. I try to be open to new ways of living.
I would love to win the lottery . . . I would help out a bunch of charities and places that I know need money. Please give me the time and money to buy a ticket and let my numbers all be called. . . please.
Please let my family get all of their situations figured out and we get more friends of the family that we truly get along with.
Please be with my ex's mom as she will not let him rest in peace. He would want her to move on with her life.
Please let us have all bills paid and food on the table.
Please take away this stupid covid-19 virus. . . there are just some thing man should NOT mess with.
May everyone be healthy, safe, happy, and thriving. Please.
Thank you for everything you have done.

Rebekah.

@milkoreos

Brother,

My aunt gave me an old picture of you yesterday. I can't stop looking at it. It's gotten hard to remember just how you looked, and now that I can see you in the picture, I'm realizing how much I miss you.

If you were still around, I'd take you on adventures as much as I could. You'd get your favorite vanilla ice cream every week. We would have real talks. You could know a different grown me.

I can never forgive myself for how I yelled so much toward the end. I was under so much stress and where we were living just wasn't home. That's no excuse though. I was taking you for granted too often, and I would give anything to take it back.

I feel you sometimes. I miss you and can't wait to find you in the beyond. I love you so much. I don't care that you were a schnauzer, you were the only brother I ever had.

Wish I was a machine. Life hurts.

Dear ___,

I am so sorry for everything that’s happened and the damage that I have caused. I really did not want it to ruin the relationship, and it was selfish of me to think that you can handle all of my own trauma. It was unrealistic because I couldn’t even handle it on my own. In complete and utter honesty, I don’t want you to leave. And thats another selfish thought of mine. I am so scared of a life without you, i know i can live it, I just simply don’t want to because you mean everything to me. You’re the love of my life. I am willing to change every unhealthy habit I have not just for myself but for you, because I love you too much to lose you. I am willing to change every fiber of my being if thats what it would take. I still want to travel the world with you, share more birthdays together, see you get the job you’ve always wanted, graduate. I want to be there for it all. I want to be there for YOU. You have been there for me this whole relationship and I am willing to give you everything you deserve back and more. You had waited patiently for me and would respect my decision back in January either way. So I wanted to do the same for you. I wish there was something I can magically say to make you sure of yourself in this relationship and to bring back the joy you once felt. I really want you to and I really want this relationship to work, but I know sometimes people just lose feelings, I just hope you haven’t lost them completely. I really want to make this work, but I also don’t want you to keep being unhappy in this relationship. I want to do everything I can to change that, no longer a 75/25 dynamic like we have been. But a 50/50 like we always should have. I do wish you had communicated how you were feeling sooner but I also understand a big part of it was my fault, i made an environment in our relationship where you felt like you couldn’t share and I am so sorry for that. I want you to be selfish and choose a better mental health for yourself but I hope there is a way you can do that while still making this relationship work, I understand if you can’t. I miss you so much, from the little things of sending you tiktoks and laughing at you kissing my forehead, or just sitting on the toilet while watching you get ready in the mirror. But I also miss being in your arms, sleepovers, hearing your voice more often, seeing that little spark in your eye, and just hanging out together. I just absolutely miss being your best friend and your partner and on that Thursday after the breakup I felt like we got a little taste of that again, and it gives me hope that we can do that again. Looking back I was so happy but things had just gotten bad recently after things went down with __ and __. We had even gotten over our arguing stage I was so happy about that. But i let minor inconveniences put me down and that affected us so badly, that you felt like you couldn’t help me and then it got so bad that you didn’t even feel joy when things were good. And I’m so so so sorry about that. Thats why I wanted to get help and why im working on it right now, because I am so tired of letting small things get to me, but I also want to be in a happy relationship with you. Relationships have their ups and downs but I never meant to drag you down with me. I just hope you can forgive me. We’ve both made mistakes but I feel like I’ve made the biggest one. I would give anything for you to feel happy and fulfilled in this relationship again. I still think that this relationship is fixable, it will just take work. We can’t go back in time but we all just keep moving forward. I have swallowed my pride and will admit that in a way, this letter is me begging you for a second chance. I hope you can take me back and feel just as hopeful about the situation as I do. Tell me if there is anything I can do which can make you feel better about this.

You make my life so much better, and I hope I can do the same for you,

____

to my partner who i have to leave…

i was afraid that your addiction to alcohol would ruin this beautiful thing that we had together. When i first met you i ignored it but now after being with you for over 4 months i can see that you are not willing to change.

you ruined my birthday yesterday, all i asked was to not get blind at dinner and you broke that. Also who tf gets their partner just food for their birthday?! I have not spoken about this to anyone but seriously? Noodles, pretzels, is that all i meant to you?

you also promised that you would never hurt me again. Well dont make promises you can’t keep. Im sick of you treating me like im nothing. My mental health comes above anything so if i have to leave you so be it. I set boundaries for reasons you do know that?

i hope you can get sober one day but right now in this relationship i know you can’t see yourself doing that. Im not sure what is next for me as i am without a car in a different state but i will work it out.

goodbye, -c

Dear ----

I surrender. I'm going to focus on loving myself and have faith. I'll believe in the will for me and trust the process.

Thank you!

Dearest L.

It's been a long difficult road, and though I have a tonne of miles under my feet, you're still in my head, and I feel too close to you. What I did in the past is unforgivable, but I really saw myself falling for you all over again, and it all came down to just one moment L, when you messaged me 'do you think we still talk, 2 years after we broke up, because we have feelings for each other still?'

I knew what I had to reply, and when I finally made my mind up, you deleted that, making me feel stupid, only to then tell me you've found someone else you love and have done things with him. Why I can't I move on L? Even though it was me who broke up, me who did every thing wrong and hurtful, me who dated others immediately, how is it that I still haven't moved on?

I introduced my new girlfriend to my family, and I wish I hadn't, because I want to run back to you, cry, break down, die. I do not see much left in the world for me, because I've lost myself, while trying to find myself in other people. I'm truly sorry for what I did. No one involved deserved that treatment, and I pray that you will be happier than me always.

I used to end every night with 'dont forget me', but I'll never forget you. I hope you do forget me, and the new people you meet can fill that void I created in your heart. You deserve the best, L, and quite frankly, I'm the worst. I'll always want the best for you. I'll miss you L. Everyday.

And F, I'm sorry I hid my past from you. You don't deserve shit like me either. I hope I don't survive much longer, so you can be happy too eventually. Ill love you both eternally. I am not worth your tears, so don't waste them on me, ever again.

Yours.

Black Hearted Coward.

I don’t know if I can trust you

im living in the memory of what you used to be, not who you are now.

you hide things from me, you get angry when I’m sad and yet you’d lasso the moon for me. I’m so confused.

I don’t want to get hurt again, and I won’t. It’s a promise I made to myself from my past mistakes

I checked your watch today, you forget that messages are stored on there too. I didn’t like what I saw.

im not going to extend our lease for this house. I’m playing it cool to see your next move, just so I can make sure.

make sure you’re not hiding

make sure I’m not the one making the mistake.

Then I will know which path I need to take.

Forgive me