Recognize Red Flags in Daily Life!
🔸 If someone puts you down! If anyone humiliates or belittles you! It is a red flag for you. Get away from them regardless of who they are. If you cannot get away, try to maintain a distance. Because it is emotional abuse and toxic for your mental health.
🔸 If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, even a little bit, time to get away from them right away. Follow your gut feelings because it can save you from unwanted abuse.
🔸 If someone's actions do not meet their words.
🔸 If someone overdoes things to please you
🔸 Calling you names in a state of anger or arguments.
🔸 If someone tries to gaslights. Blaming you for their mistakes by twisting the story.
🔸 If someone pushes you to make decisions or choices in a rush.
🔸 If someone takes your silence as your agreement on something happening or about to happen.
🔸 If you do not feel enthusiastic about the things you liked to do once but not anymore and feel dissatisfied.
They are a few examples of red flags. You can notice these flags in most of the daily aspects of life. And if you recognized some, it is time to act upon it to avoid them. Because if you do not, they adversely impact your mental and emotional health.
Please do share if you know one! Let's recognize and try to eliminate these red flags from our daily lives!
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Not sure if you would umbrella this under one you mentioned already, but a family member of mine will ask a question about something trivial, I answer in a neutral manner, then she'll respond with: "I was just asking", or more literal translation to make my point more clear: "I just asked normally". Implying I answered in an angry or upset way, when I'm sure I didn't. I makes me upset every time, cause it feels like I'm doing something wrong by just answering a question.
@Madaraismyspiritanimal Oh yes! 😯 A good point. Idk if it is a red flag but yes it is something need to watch out as it really affects one's emotional health. Thank you for sharing it.
@ASilentObserver
I was seeing a guy. I stopped all contact in between as I was going through severe career related anxiety and depression. When I called him later, like after 3 months, he spoke to me in the most spiteful tone....and the whole time he was talking down at me in a very insulting manner, he called me fickle even though I told him I was going through a tough time, to which he replied, then you shouldt have been dating until you had sorted stuff out......he said he was a single minded focussed person and that 'my vanishing'gave him a negative vibe from the get go and that I was standing 'at the wrong tree'.
This phone call literally made me burst out in tears. I have been feeling shitty about myself since.
@ASilentObserver
But I don't know what to do about it, if I tell her I just answered normally, she gets upset. If I ask her to stop saying it, she says yes, but does no. If I don't answer at all I'm being cranky.
And like this there're so many moments in the day, it's so draining and demoralizing, knowing that no matter what I say or do she won't change or even take it seriously
@ASilentObserver
it kinda depends with the "calls you names duuring an argument" thing. we all do it at some point, and I'm not an exception. it's when that becomes a constant thing, that's when it's a red flag.
I've done it before too, but after that I apologized and did my best to control my anger from then on. But my ex-girlfriend did that constantly and never apologized for it, and just kept saying "well I was angry!" that's when it's a red flag.
A friend of mine does this - when we don't talk for a few weeks or even months either because she is busy or even if I am she Always starts the consequent discussion with - " you have forgotten me! You don't call at all. You are so busy!"
And when I point out and say that we didn't speak because we were both busy, she responds saying, " no! You are too busy for me nowadays!"
Everytime. For years.
At first it affected me a lot. But I learnt to ignore it. For many other reasons too,I have distanced myself from her now.
@ASilentObserver
Thank you so much for posting this today. I was emotional and sad today, because of actions of two of my batchmates whom I thought were potential friends. But I was deeply saddened by their lies and double faced words and ignorance, along with their sugarcoating attitudes.
For self care, am gonna, take break from talking with them. Though it's true I won't be able to just completely take break from themselves coz they are my batchmates and will have to interact with them. But I will limit the interactions as now I know them and I know it hurt me lots what they did.For self care, I will limit the interactions and will try to devotee my time and energy not to chase after this friendship. But try to be mindfull and make the best of myself ☺.
@ASilentObserver
My ex mastered a very sneaky form of gaslighting: he'd take things I said in an earlier argument out of context and generalize them, then accuse me of intentionally hurting him and not let me correct him. It even worked in couples counseling, because then the counselor would ask me to respond to his accusations and it would become a he said-she said. Whatever I was originally upset about would never get addressed, since we'd always be talking about what I said to him. He'd alternate doing this with long periods of ignoring me. I'd become so desperate for his attention and to address our conflict/reconnect, I'd end up apologizing for things I didn't say. Of course, he'd just use that to build his case the next time about how I overreacted and was abusive to him. One of the final straws was when he told me "the problem is that you're upset about this."
I honestly think he's not a pyschopath but just really insecure. He jumped to assumptions and no matter what I said, nothing would change his mind. I finally accepted him as he is and try not to argue with him anymore.
@peacefulforest75
If you don't mind me asking, how long was the relationship, and how did you make the choice to leave?
@Sam511
Together 9 years and married a little over 6.
There were several factors that made me decide to leave:
-Him increasingly making decisions and plans on his own without involving me, which isolated me and my son
-Him retreating/withdrawing and not communicating with me for days when he felt hurt or "offended."
-His style of communication and way of handling conflict: accusations instead of questions and refusal to change communication style as recommended by counselors
I admit I didn't set good boundaries earlier as far as what I expected/wanted from him, and what I would put up with. I don't think this would have saved the relationship. If anything, we would have split up sooner because I wouldn't have tried so hard to make it work on my own.
Another red flag: Everything bad in their life is someone else's fault.
They'd make more money but their boss is a jerk, all their exes were skanks --but not you, babe, you're awesome -- they didn't get through college because their parents pulled away all their support, they missed your date because of horrible traffic, they got a cold because of Chris in Accounting...
Having reasons why there's problems is not a red flag, but if ALL their problems were somehow caused by outside influences, that's a sign of someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own actions.
@ASilentObserver Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this! Let's recognize those red flags and do something about it!
@ASilentObverser, Thanks for posting this. I had trouble recognizing the red flags in my last relationship. He was manipulative and a liar. He also overdid things to please me, like you said. I think now I can recognize those red flags more easily now because of him though. I almost fell for another guy who was the same way last week, but I recognized the red flags fairly quickly and walked away.
@ASilentObserver So many red flags to look out for out there, I've experienced. I'd like to add: You feel controlled in some way, they make suggestions of what you should wear to please them, wear less makeup, go to church all the time, etc. 
Run for the hills.
