Relationships are hard.

Have you ever presented a relationship problem to someone and their first instant response is, "Oh, you should end it and find someone new." Is that the best response for your situation? Is it really helpful?

There are times when ending things between you and a partner is necessary because all options have been exhausted, the situation is not workable, resentment has built to the point of no return, a compromise cannot be had between you, there are severe abusive situations (mental, emotional, or physical), drinking/drugs/smoking, or a host of other reasons why it is not going to work out long term.

Even in the above situations, there are things that can be done in SOME situations where your relationship can be mended and put back together again. Knowing when to call things quits is a very difficult situation and we always tend to hold onto a relationship that is not right for us too long.

However, back to the advice you received. There are reasons why you might want to be cautious around someone whose immediate response is to leave him/her.

1. They may very well have their own agenda. For example, a person that has interest in you romantically is dying for the opportunity (even if it isn't realistic) to be with you so ending things with your partner is just the moment they have been hoping for. This is also called an ulterior motive. Or in another situation, they are miserable so they hope that you are just as miserable as they are - breaking things off with your partner will put you at their level. Believe it or not, this happens more than you'd think.

2. They do not know the full situation before they are making a critical life choice for you or rather placing undue influence into a situation they have limited knowledge of. Even if they are your best friend that knows your partner, knows you, confess everything to, and spend time with - does not make them the utmost authority on relationship issues. The only person that can make the most intelligent decision is actually you. You can certainly get opinions, but remember that opinions are like... flowers. There are all kinds, require different care, and some are even poisonous. Be careful with opinions that people provide you regarding your relationship... especially if "leave him/her" is a quick response.

Be weary of anyone who is quick to tell you to leave the person you're with when they do not know all the facts, may have a personal agenda, and especially look to benefit in any way from you being single again.

3. Be very cautious with gaining insight and advice from anyone who has their own unhealthy or toxic relationship themselves. If a friend or acquaintance is telling you to leave someone - make sure they are of sound mind and have a great relationship which they are happy with, even if they have challenges (as all relationships do), but one in which they are clearly making things work with their partner. The worst thing you can do is accept advice from someone who has been divorced several times, go through several people in their romantic life, and can't seem to hold onto someone for any length of time.

4. Relationships take effort, energy, and are hard work. Every relationship has difficulties that are unique to that relationship. The answer to relationship problems is not always to simply give up and find someone else. The someone else you find may actually have larger problems than the relationship you just left aka Greener Pasture Syndrome.

As a counselor, I work very hard to find every possible way in which I can help or mend a relationship to where it can get back on track towards a happier place, work to reduce toxicity, lower resentment, and find ways in which they can learn how to communicate better with one another including learning to argue, compromise, and resolve their differences. There are situations where I can easily see that the relationship is just not going to work no matter what we try, but it is always worth the effort. When I see that the relationship is not going to work, I will start the dialog regarding an "exit strategy" - because those situations must be planned as well. Situations where I see a couple is not going to work out is usually because one or both partners are just not willing to even try anymore. Usually this is because resentment between them has choked the life out of what they shared together. It's unfortunate because sometimes those situations did not have to escalate that far but it does happen often with couples who are new or even older.

A relationship is hard work. There is no easy relationship. It takes time, effort, energy, work, communication, and overall persistence from both partners. Challenges will happen between you and how you both deal with those situations determines to a larger part of how your relationship will endure hardships over a long period of time. In some ways, the bonding of two people can be due to overcoming hardships. In example, a couple that goes through trouble in their lives together and deal with it together end up stronger typically in the end can bond them together, make them closer to one another. However, this doesn't mean that a couple should go out of their way to create adversity for them to solve as life will provide plenty for them to deal with throughout the time they are together.

A lot of people that have serial relationships aka Greener Pastures Syndrome aka revolving door of people in their lives are always looking for the better deal and always searching of easy. It doesn't exist. They are frustrated and are not willing to put in the effort, time, energy, work, communication, and persistence that a real relationship requires. They are fundamentally and foundationally damaged - with a strong inability to form real connections with people, especially those that last. They are the first to recommend you dump the person you're with because you've expressed a difficulty or hardship.

Leaving someone is not always the best answer and while it may seem like the quickest way to ease pain or resolve the situation - examine all your options before making a choice that will impact your life and that of your partner. Sometimes leaving someone is very necessary but it shouldn't be used lightly and certainly not in situations where the relationship can be saved with effort, time, work, persistence, energy, and communication.

It is you that has to live with your choice - make sure it is a well thought out decision. The other person's life will be impacted too. If you have children with that person, their lives can be impacted. Remember: Do not stay in a relationship that is terribly toxic, abusive, or where there is no realistic way towards a pathway for resolution/recovery.

In your relationship you should feel respected, loved, and feel a general sense that the relationship is RIGHT for you (and kids, if present). Deep down you know the answer... but taking action is the hardest part - regardless if your action is to stay together or pull apart.

Lastly, there are times when separation is necessary in order to resolve issues. However, in separation issues make sure that issues are actually resolved during the separation and that it's not just a nice gentle way to end things. If ending things is necessary, it's best to just rip the band-aid off than to slowly remove it.