Trigger made me cry about a hostile situation from 14 years ago.

@Summershy

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I am going to post this here because I didn't know where else to put it but basically, I fell out with an aunt last year because I decided to cut her out of my life because the relationship is toxic. (You have every right to do this, you felt like being with her cause more harm than good) Anyway, I was riding the train into work today and I was checking my phone when something triggered a memory from Christmas 14 years ago. (I can tell this is a memory that you probably surpressed, kept inside and pushed it to the back of your mind so it came out throughout the years. This is the mind way to tell you this is something that needs to be talked about on order to heal) Basically, my aunt and I went on vacation to the beach for Christmas and she told me that I did not have to get her anything. (This comes across as "Hey I would love for you to get me something, but hey you don't have to". This is an indication that she never had her needs met and had to use non verbal ways to express what she wants out of fear of being rejected) So I went shopping for other members in my family and I didn't get her anything because I took her seriously. (If i had not done the research on mental health then I would have taken her seriously as well because she used indirect message and surpressed what she wanted to not come off as needy or clingy)So, I got a gift for my parent's cat instead because I am a deep cat lover. Then on Christmas Day, she became very upset when she found out that I really didn't get her anything, (I think she became triggered here and felt rejected because of her insecurities. She wanted something, but at the same time it would make her terrified to be vulnerable enough to ask for it, so she decided to go along the safe route. I honestly think in her past this happened with her parents, so now the past is taking over the present) became very hostile though she tried to be civil on Christmas. (This is a passive-agressive behavior. She feels like expressing anger in the open is wrong since is how they made her feel, so she pretends nothing happens even though you could feel something is off)

Then the ride back to the house the day after Christmas, she was very sullen when I got up and was mad about everything. (This must had been an awkward situation for you. It's like she builts up this anger, tons of thoughts go through her head, it makes her even more mad so she shuts down. She would use sullen behavior on order to get your attention in hopes you figure out whats going on. I could tell she doesn't express herself like an adult, so you will often see certain behaviors) When we got into the car, we didn't speak a word to each other until we were out of the town where the beach was. Then she broke the silence,

"You don't have a clue as to what you have done do you?" (In other words "You were supposed to know whats going on my mind, you are supposed to read my mind". I can tell she lost emotional self control, and expected you to know what was going on just like a parent would with their child) I asked her, "Are you still mad about something else I did over the week?" She said, "Answer the question." (She is feeling the anxiety, past trauma are coming to the surface and she is feeling rejected) So I did. "You got presents for your parent's cat you have no soul relation to humans. Maybe next year I will make a donation to the human society which will make you very happy." (This is passive-agressive behavior, she is using sarcasm "Maybe next year I will make a donation to the human society which will make you very happy." to express anger and belittling. She told you "You don't have to buy me anything", and all of the sudden she is mad because you didn't buy her anything?. This tells me she has some deep issues when it comes to expressing her needs and expects others to read her mind when it comes to this. She didn't behave like an adult and tried to make you feel responsible for it, when in reality this has to do 100% with her insecurities) "Even your other friend with a different disability knows better than that" (She is belettling you and trying to make you feel hurt in the same way she feels hurt. You didn't deserve to be treated this way and she needs some maturing to do because she behaved like a child here. It's not your fault she is insecure or felt rejected because she didn't get a gift) So I rode home in her car in complete silence and tears. (I don't blame you, its hurtful what she said)I thought I got over that mess but today, I learned that I still need to work through it.