Boyfriend issues(vent,long)
Sorry about this but i had to vent somewhere even though i think no one will care.
Ive been in a relationship for 3 years and for a month or two ive had thoughts of breaking up with him that keep getting more prevalent over time.
Im not sure where these feelings exactly came from, i think its because allthough i like spending time with him, we are polar opposites so our personalities and tastes and beliefs are different which is a struggle.
This made me question though why did it only been bothering me now, am i only feelijg this way since im bored of the relationship and want a way out or didnt really listen to him for 3 years and now im realizing it. I dont even know which one of those or the 100 other reasons i can think of it can be, but who knows maybe im making all this up without knowing.
Anyway,Before he asked me out i had known him for a while and i had just went though a breakup so when he asked me out i was in such a need of a connection with someone i told myself i liked him in that way too, eventhough i only liked him as a friend.
I thought i loved him since i needed to love someone, cause just like then and now, the though of having no one is scarier than the thought of being with someone i dont love.
Sometimes though i feel like im making this all up.
Yet i feel im making a giant mistake if i would break up with him. It feels like a unreal thought, almost like a dream.What if i dont find anyone else or im just overthinking everything. Im too scared to talk to him about my emotions on this, yet i feel like he wants something else in this relatinship too.
Its all so confusing and i dont know what emotions or thoughts to trust,i keep thinking about it and i cant come to a proper conclusion.
But in my heart i feel like i know i have to break up with him. I feel like im a bad person for feeling any of this.
@bananajoe910
Perhaps you are looking for reasons or perhaps you need an excuse other then you let a relationship evolve .....when you were not really sure if you even wanted to be in one....
either way breakups are painful and messy and thinking what if this is a mistake to break up has you confused
Perhaps you should discuss with him and see if you are both hanging on or you both want to work at it...
@bananajoe910
I understand some of what you're feeling. I've been wishy-washy about a guy before... knowing I should let him go, but also reluctant to do so.
First, I need you to know that your feelings are your feelings and you're allowed to have them. They don't make you a bad person.
There were three things that you said that really stood out to me.
You said: when he asked me out i was in such a need of a connection with someone i told myself i liked him in that way too, eventhough i only liked him as a friend. "I was in such a need of a connection..." We're like that, aren't we? Humans. We crave connection. And there's plenty of instances where two friends' friendly feelings grew into loving feelings over time, but it doesn't sound like that happened with you two, or ever will, so I think your feelings about breaking up are valid. Even though you hate to do it and you're scared, confused, overwhelmed, overthinking, not sure it's right, etc.
You also said: I thought i loved him since i needed to love someone, cause just like then and now, the though of having no one is scarier than the thought of being with someone i dont love. "I needed to love someone..." I can relate. Having someone to love feels good. I think that's ingrained in humans as well. We want to love... and be loved too, but having someone to love and care for who wants it and appreciates it is pretty amazing.
I feel like I’m going through the exact same thing. We’ve also been together for about 3 years, were best friends first. We live together now, have for almost 2 years. We are very similar but very very different. I’m afraid I’m outgrowing him but it scares me to death to think of leaving. I also don’t want to leave and I’m afraid I’m overthinking it too much. I understand your confusion and concerns. I wish there was an easy answer for the both of us