Communication Issues
I'd really appreciate any advice or support regarding this. I'm not sure how to go about explaining this, as the situation itself is fairly complicated (there's also a lot more to it but it's too much to add in here)
Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost a year now, and we don't live together and both have busy schedules so we rarely get to see each other too. I have a job and family things, and my boyfriend does a lot of work with his family on their different properties, and some other responsibilities regarding his pets and other things. My boyfriend tends to go radio silent during the day, and whenever he finally responds it's always him saying "I'm sorry I was busy" but never explaining what he was doing even when I ask. When I ask it's always just a few short things or he never goes into a lot of detail. Whenever we make plans as well he never can give me concrete times on when we can see each other, and our plans are never fully confirmed until just a few hours prior to us actually seeing each other. He says his home life is chaotic and difficult to work around sometimes, but something about the situation just keeps bothering me.
Whenever he goes radio silent like that I feel like I did something wrong, or that he's hiding something from me, and the fact that he can never confirm plans until a few hours prior really just makes me feel like an afterthought. I understand his home life can make things difficult, but I really wish he would communicate with me more during the day and make more of an effort whenever we make plans. He tells me all the time he loves me and will even get upset and sad sometimes if I express some sort of doubt in it, and there are other things he does and says that makes me believe he's not trying to hurt me on purpose but I don't know how to get it through to him how much the lack of communication bothers me. I've tried before, and the situation just ends in him explaining it's hard for him to communicate things like that because of how his home life is, and that he doesn't try to hurt me. Once again I understand it, but I wish we could find some sort of compromise or something because it just feels like the situation hasn't been resolved, and I don't know how to go about doing it. This is such a weirdly specific post, and I apologize if this seems stupid to talk about in any way, but I really would appreciate any advice or support or insight.
Hi @doingmybest33
It's not stupid at all to talk and discuss about it, as you may get more input from different point of views 💜
I agree lack of communication can create lots of misunderstandings and doubts. However lots of male don't open up easily even without complicated situation.
If it's instinct, you may want to find evidences. If it's overthinking, perhaps get support from listeners to work on it may help find a way to overcome it? Because overthinking can make ourselves feel insecure as well as uncomfortable for the receiving end to continuously have to give assurance.
If you're also a listener, practising active listening skills usually help improve communication and help people gradually open up. If you're a member only, you can ask listeners to help you practice active listening skills.
Hope it gets better for you soon 💜
Hi there.
I totally can relate to what you’re feeling.
First of all I think you need to ask yourself if this a deal breaker?
Do you see yourself being able to tolerate such behaviours for years and even till the day you get married? (Assuming that the main reason why you date is to get married)
If you think you can then it’s best to accept it.
Another alternative would be that You can also raise this up to him by getting him to sit down and have a heart to heart and also let him know what he can work on.
however it’s good to keep in mind that it takes time for being to change and you cannot expect a change.
it’s up to him on whether he would like to change and put in effort.
if he does not, you’ve to be okay with it.
and if you’re not, you’re free to leave the rs.
there are many men around in which they are more compatible with you in this aspect.
communication in a rs is very important and if you both can’t see eye to eye regarding this it’s going be a tough ride.
just wanna let you know you’ve got this.
it might take some time to make your decision but do know you’re capable of handling any situation.
and it’s ok to be alone if you choose to be single
