Drowning
I'm trying very hard, and have been for the past 10 years or so. I want a long-term relationship, and I've been on the dating apps because I have no other option, I live in a very rural town and the nearest place that has "cooking classes" or "yoga groups" is a four-hour drive away one-way. I've never ever been on a date. Today I saw a post decrying how all men want hookups and not relationships or something, and I know it's social media but it still hurt me. I'm here! I'm right here! I'm trying my best, but nobody can see me! I'm drowning in this freezing ocean with the rest of you. And then I see a whole bunch of articles saying how everybody in my generation is abandoning dating apps, my only hope for ever experiencing romance, for in-person meetups and I finally feel completely devastated, hopeless. Having to satisfy my needs with nothing but ASMR videos, porn, and whatever techno-*** AI companions get developed for the rest of my natural life is the bad end. I don't want the bad end. I want to love and start a family, but every year I'm drowning like this is another year that it feels harder to relate to other people and that I'm on a slide towards becoming an unloveable creep.
@goodBalsam6427
try to quit reading any articles saying this group or that group are quit doing this or that...these are often not accurate and the same people write the exact opposite in a month.
I am not sure dating apps work out so well either as most people are putting on a show to find someone, meeting in person is different.
Perhaps finding other group sites like "meet up" if in your area. hobbies or such you do not need to meet your perfect match in those but network with others who have a friend or daughter/ niece/ neighbor etc.
@toughTiger6481
I appreciate the response, that'd be a fantastic idea if not for my unique situation. I live in the sticks, and I'm not leaving. The closest thing on "meetup" is 400 miles away. Dating apps and other online means are my only hope, there are no women my age here, and I've spent thousands of dollars and over ten whole years trying. I know the apps suck. I know they're broken, Jesus Christ there probably isn't anybody on this Earth who knows this any better. I'm a starving creature in front of a trap loaded with cheese, and while I may be a smart creature who knows definitively that it's a trap, there's no other food within 400 miles, and so one way or another I'm forced to interact with the trap.
@goodBalsam6427
maybe actual DATING apps are not for you.
There are chats and forums on almost any subject. Many forums are NOT meant to meet someone but it happens....... i wrote on opinions on current events type site a few people liked my posts i started talking to a couple and there was one person........ we have great feelings for each other/ meet on chat calls etc someday one of us will travel as we live far away from each other. there are complications in our lives that make it harder.
I agree so many say that they cannot find relationship but they are looking in places filled with hook up culture people. a person with a home / job or business and is stable are usually busy to chase every event or such.
@toughTiger6481
AmyPondd wrote a kind reply with a similar suggestion, forums and communities are places I have tried as well.
@goodBalsam6427
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're in a difficult and isolating situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and hopeless.
Everyone’s journey is different, and while it might seem like others are finding it easier, they might be struggling in ways that aren’t visible. It’s important to be kind to yourself and recognize that you’re doing the best you can in a challenging situation.
Have you tried exploring other online communities or forums that align with your interests? Sometimes, connecting with people over shared hobbies or passions can lead to meaningful relationships, even if it starts as a friendship.
@AmyPondd
It's certainly a great idea, I've been a part of communities and forums as far back as I've had access to the internet, since I was a little kid. I have no lack of good friends both online and offline, but unless I somehow wake up gay tomorrow, nothing romantic is ever going to come of it. Like I said, I've been at this for an entire decade, the online games I play, the music I enjoy, the hobbies I maintain, and the place I work all seem to be anathema to women, if by some miracle you know of any that play tactical shooters, strategy games, and simulators, I'm desperate to be proven wrong.
@goodBalsam6427
i totally understand what you are going through but every article written on net is not true, . Getting on your problem . if you have never been on a date , but if its a long drive , what about finding locally in your town , contacting your local marriage bureau or using matrimony sites or friend sites to find people near you. even if nearest yoga class / cooking class is 4 hr drive away , can you not join a joint yoga class or hobby class organised by your previous years colleagues/ friends . updating your profiles everywhere that you are looking for a partner ( except ***). as far as needs fulfillment in considered theres not much better option if you can utilise that urge to do something fruitful like excercises.
@Skansly
***----i..ns..ta
@Skansly
Thanks for replying.
I live in one of the most isolated towns in the continental United States. None of those options are available here. Everybody tells me there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm not in a sea, I'm in a desert, both literally and figuratively.
I'm not moving.
@goodBalsam6427
what about posting an ad in a newspaper if it has a column for the same.
Keep hope! I was feeling the same way. I am lesbian and I felt so alone in my small town. But then I fell in love with my bff, and we’ve been dating for 6 months now. Don’t give up! Keep using the dating apps! Going to the city and hanging out at your fav restaurant! Just don’t ever believe you’re unloveable