Feeling torn
I'm currently in a battle with knowing if my thoughts are real or my anxious- preoccupied attachment style is in full throttle, but 3 months ago I made a big move for a man I had only had communication with over the phone for 3 years. Don't get me wrong I fell in love with him he made me feel more important then I had ever in my life ,not only that he's the first guy I built a mental relationship with before a physical one and it really felt so healthy until now. I felt more wanted by him when we lived 3 hours apart and this all started happening just a month after I decided to actually let my heart have control. The thing is I know I'm a lot to handle but all I need is validation and reassurance and when I try to communicate things. I feel he acts like because he says he loves me that should be enough for me to not think he's going to just leave, maybe I've showed to much interest . Ive tried to push him away a lot in 3 years I gave him every reason to just leave me alone and live his life and he never budged. Was the excitement of not having me keeping him hung on and now that he does have me he isn't as interested. Don't get me wrong the passion is there and he has been the most patient man when it comes to my overthinking but I think it's because he knows he is causing it and he won't just empathize with me he insists that I should just know he wants me and only me forever, I need more then that I want to feel valued . I could very well just be overthinking things but why if he loves me so much doesn't he want to show me affection ,not just when I initiate it I am madly in love with this man and Im at the point where staying is driving me crazy but leaving will destroy me
@Tashcampbell
Can you work through you overthinking and anxiety by really asking yourself what you think you want ... and if what you picture for the relationship is realistic.
Example: Some IMO seem to think partners should know what we want or how we want it without us communicating that. maybe a partner tries gets it wrong and grows hesitant when every move is analyzed.
I had feelings like this sometimes..... I was upset or angry that they were NOT doing what i wanted/ or HOW I wanted. .... but then asked myself "do i want partner to try and do their style OR give them a script and try to direct their responses and actions?" .... " are they a partner with occasional flaws or an actor playing a part?" ....... " AM I doing things just like they want and meeting their expectations too?" Mo
trying to control and direct a relationship will not work ........we will always be revising the scene / response etc. the frustration IMO is ours NOT caused by them but instead our thoughts about how we think it should be.
Communication is key but if we are always telling them how they should do this or that.... they will grow tired of not meeting our expectations. We will also grow frustrated as it will seem we think if they love us they should just KNOW all this without constant direction....
