How bad did i mess up? was it a normal reaction? is this truly 'unforgivable' as my bf/ex says?
Hey,
I don't know if this is the right space but recently I made a mistake in my relationship as my bf was very distant and reacted in an unsupportive manner to a rejection i face, i was talking to a friend and being young and naive allowed them to text my bf instead of talking to my bf directly. My bf was mad and upset and i understood and tried to be honest with him by saying i asked the friend to text, he gave me the silent treatment for 3 weeks after calling me a coward and comparing me to his cheating ex and after 3 weeks then replied telling me this friend of mine has texted him again, i told him i had nothing to do with this and blocked the friend. He also told me some news at this time and i asked and tried to support him . he didn't reply for 2 more weeks and I proceeded to say let's break up if we can't talk abt this, he said whatever and we had a brief convo and he said everything was ok relating to the news he told me.
He then reached out 2 months later and told me something very shocking relating to that news, i was shocked and tried to react and support him the best I could. He didn't like my reaction and blocked me saying he doesn't trust me and I don't care for him. I was panicked and hysterical after hearing this piece of news so i took screenshots of the chat hoping to read over them later. he found out and asked me 'why tf did i take them', i panicked and really wanted to be there for him and was scared if i tell the truth he would give me the silent treatment, yell at me or swear at me again. So i lied saying they were an accident, he ofc didn't believe that and said i was a lying, manipulative, toxic, b*** and many other things, i was trying to convince him of a lie to be there for him and i can see how wrong that is and it makes me very guilty, so i tried to reach out to him again and he told me to f off.
this was long distance and i spent those 3-5 weeks apologising to show him I care.
Hi there! I am so so sorry for what you are going through right now. As I can’t really determine the dynamics of your relationship and I am really trying not to judge here, but your bf does sound a little manipulative and abusive to me. As someone who is currently in a 11 year relationship, we both know and understand that when we fight, (which is bound to happen in any kind of relationship, don’t believe anyone that tells you otherwise) it is only natural to seek comfort for friends or family.
Personally, when I fight with my bf, he does sulk and shut down, but I’m the kind of person who needs to talk things out. So, how I work around it is that I lean on my close and trusted friends (they can be guys or girls) and just vent to them till the bf is ready to talk about things. I always make it a point to make my friends his friends and we do personally know each other’s friends.
I have never believed in the “silent treatment” as I find it immature and manipulative. It’s okay to be angry at your significant other for a couple of days, but eventually you need to speak to each other as adults and try to come to a resolution. Otherwise, it might not work out if both parties are unwilling to communicate.
I also don’t agree in name calling. It does happen in the heat of the moment, but I do believe that there should be an apology following up if any unkind words were used.
I really hope you know that you are worth so much more and if any point of time you feel like you are being manipulated or abused to seek help or speak to someone for a second opinion.
Talk to the guy directly if he still says tht it means he doesn't accept you the way you are
tell him to be honest with you first
discuss strength weakness in a relationship
or also do one on one talk filter out what needs to be said
Talk to the guy directly if he still says tht it means he doesn't accept you the way you are
tell him to be honest with you first
discuss strength weakness in a relationship
or also do one on one talk filter out what needs to be said