I don't feel like enough.

Apologies if the translation is flawed; English isn't my native language, and honestly, I don't have the energy to change it word-for-word myself, so I used a translator.

[🇪🇸 Español original ]

Primero que nada, muy buenos días, tardes o noches a quien sea que lea esto. Tengo un problema, y es que me siento totalmente menos para mi pareja, que le fallo y no logro satisfacer su deseo de sentirse amada. Me ha dicho abiertamente que no se siente valorada, incluso ignorada.

Soy alguien que no es para nada expresivo ni romántico (no porque realmente sea así, simplemente no soy capaz de serlo; lo intento y no sale nada de mí). Probablemente esté relacionado con temas de mi infancia y deba ver a un psicólogo.

Le he dicho que intentaré cambiar para mejor. He estado más atento y mucho más amoroso. Encontré la forma de realmente expresar mis sentimientos usando la programación como túnel, ya que es algo que me apasiona. Le hago detalles cada tanto, expresando lo que no puedo expresar verbalmente, y he cambiado hábitos de mi vida que me estaban haciendo daño por ella (y gracias a ella).

Aun así, ella siente que no pongo de mi parte y, aunque me duela, tiene parte de verdad. Aunque esté intentando mejorar, sigo decayendo. Ella ha estado para mí en momentos muy difíciles. Sin importar qué, ella logra consolarme y hacerme ver las cosas con otros ojos... pero no logro hacer lo mismo con ella. Intento consolarla, pero me bloqueo; intento decirle algo lindo y me vuelvo a bloquear.

Tengo miedo de que simplemente me vea como un fracaso y la pierda. No creo poder soportar que específicamente ella se vaya de mi vida. ¿Me volví dependiente? Quizás, pero ella es una de las pocas cosas que realmente me dan la motivación para seguir con mi vida.

Disculpen si esto es muy enredado o no se puede entender bien. Cuando digo que literalmente soy alguien que no se sabe expresar, es porque literalmente soy alguien que no se sabe expresar.

[🇬🇧 Inglés traducido]

First of all, good morning, afternoon, or evening to whoever may be reading this. I have a problem, and it's that I feel like I'm simply not good enough for my partner, like I'm failing her and I'm unable to fulfill her need to feel loved. She has openly told me that she doesn't feel appreciated, and that she even feels ignored.

I'm someone who isn't expressive or romantic at all (not because I don't actually feel those things, I'm simply not capable of expressing them. I try, but nothing comes out of me). It's probably related to things from my childhood, and I may need to see a psychologist.

I've told her that I'll try to change for the better. I've been more attentive and much more affectionate. I found a way to genuinely express my feelings by using programming as a kind of bridge, since it's something I'm passionate about. Every now and then, I make little things for her that express what I can't put into words, and I've changed habits in my life that were hurting me because of her (and thanks to her).

Even so, she still feels like I'm not putting in enough effort, and as much as it hurts me, there's some truth to that. Even though I'm trying to improve, I keep falling back into the same patterns. She's been there for me during some very difficult moments in my life. No matter what happens, she somehow manages to comfort me and help me see things from a different perspective... but I can't seem to do the same for her. I try to comfort her, but I freeze up. I try to tell her something sweet, and I freeze up again.

I'm scared that she'll eventually just see me as a failure and that I'll lose her. I don't think I could handle specifically her leaving my life. Have I become dependent on her? Maybe. But she's one of the few things that genuinely gives me the motivation to keep going with my life.

I'm sorry if all of this is messy or difficult to understand. When I say that I'm literally someone who doesn't know how to express himself, it's because I genuinely, literally don't know how to express myself