I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 9 years now.. we had a beautiful child together in 2014. Our relationship has always been pretty rocky, he cheated a lot in the first 6-7 years of being together. But I always stayed because I loved him so so much. We got married in 2014, just a few months after our child was born. 2 years later we divorced because he wanted to see another woman. Well it didn’t last long and they ended up breaking up, and he wanted to be with me again. Of course I obliged, because, again, I loved him so so much. We’ve always had our fights, more than we should have, I’ll admit.. but fast forward a little bit.. his sister died.. and it really took a toll on all of us. Well, before his sister died, the relationship felt a little rocky for some reason, not sure why.. but the sudden death of his sister shook us all. He’s never been the same since, I haven’t either but I’ve coped. I love him, and always always will. But I don’t feel like I’m in love anymore.. I want him to be happy and successful and get the help he needs. But everytime I try to leave him (because I’m truly unhappy..) he threatens to commit suicide.. so I say never mind and stay.. but I don’t think this is healthy. I think that he is a narcissist.. but he doesn’t seem to think so. He says I’m the narcissist.. I love him and always will, I just don’t see myself ever being truly happy in this relationship. He tries to bring our 7 year old into our arguments or say very inappropriate things to her regarding me. Such as how I cheat on him and wanna be with other guys. Which is half false. I don’t just go out and cheat. But he seems to think so. I just don’t really know what to do and so I came here to possibly see if anyone had any advice.. I don’t think my mind will let me leave him as long as he keeps threatening suicide... it just hurts too much.
@alienindisguise
Hi--I'm sorry that nobody has responded to your post for a couple weeks, but I saw this and wanted to reply.
From what you've described, you've been with your boyfriend for 9 years, you have a 7-year-old child with him, and you love him very much. He cheated on you for a while and divorced, but then you got back together. Things were rocky before his sister died, but things haven't been the same since then. You feel like he has some mental health issues that he needs to get sorted out. You'd really like for him to get the help that he needs. And you feel personally unhappy in the relationship and like it isn't heathy for you, but anytime you try to leave he threatens suicide. Since you love him and can't stomach the idea of him coming to harm, you stay in the relationship.
I definitely can appreciate feeling torn between those two sides:
- Wanting to protect yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy; possibly feeling frustrated/trapped or manipulated by him using his own mental issues to keep you trapped in a relationship that feels unhealthy and like it's making you unhappy
- Caring about his well-being and not wanting anything bad to happen to him
I can't really say what the best way is to handle that, and I feel like regardless of what anyone else says you should feel free to do what feels right for you. Here are a couple resources I was able to find that have some tips for this sort of situation if it's helpful.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/wellness/2011/11/manipulated-by-suicide-threats
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/when-your-partner-threatens-suicide/
