I need some help in my relationship

@quietVase2135

i do not think you will always be in control of how close anyone stands near you that seems a bit possessive to me.... the reasoning of he is insecure seems to be a perfect time to practice becoming more secure reactions and feelings IMO are like skills one can only gain patience from practicing it .... one can overcome insecurity issues by learning to let go a bit....

perhaps it is that you jumped right into a relationship with him after leaving your ex and he is worried you may find someone else that quickly...... have you had detailed conversations about his real fears i doubt it stems from just someone standing close to you at work.

To summarize - He’s insecure. Someone stands too close to you, or you lean into someone and it triggers his insecurities. Now he says hes done with you but you think he wants you to fight for him.

OK. If a person is insecure, they constantly perceive threats around them. Sometimes, even when there is no threat they will still insist there is a threat. One response of insecure people therefore, is usually to try and control EVERY aspect of their environment, and to micromanage their partners to ensure that there is never any potential threat. This NEVER works because youre going to be in a room with someone one day, a work colleague, a stranger, who of their own initiative might decide to stand too close, or flirt with you and no one can control this. Not you, not him. In short, his desire to control everything ALL the time is impossible, and destined to fail by the very nature of life and existence having too many variables beyond his (and your) control. Also, partners tend to get stressed and frustrated with being constantly watched, their partners constant surveillance of their every action, thought, movement, becomes very tedious and overwhelming and no one can live like that for very long.

Instead of trying to control you and everyone else (which is impossible and futile) he is supposed to focus on his fear and trust issues. He needs to SURRENDER. This doesnt mean he should give up his relationship to every man that comes along and stands too close. NO. It means that he needs to accept the idea that you will meet people, that you will be in proximity to other (men), that sometimes he wont be there to monitor you, to ensure your loyalty and to prevent them standing too close! All he can do in that circumstance is TRUST that you will remain loyal and faithful to him. He needs to work on his insecurity issues, his fears, his low self esteem, his paranoia; to increase his confidence, and surrender his desperate need for control which he uses as a dysfunctional solution to his fear.

The answer is not for him to control everything OUTSIDE of himself. The answer is to improve himself, to become so resilient WITHIN HIMESELF; and trusting in his relationships, that no matter what happens, no matter who comes along under any circumstances, he will not feel threatened by them because he trusts YOU to do the right thing. And more than that he trusts that HE will be absolutely OK even if you betrayed him, even if he lost you, even if you do the wrong thing.

You could fight for him .. but he needs to learn to fight for himself! You're not the solution here because you're not the problem. He just projects his fears onto you and everyone else because its easier to expect everyone else to fix the situation than for him to acknowledge his own flaws, face his demons, and do the difficult work of improving himself. As long as he is a slave to his insecurities, any relationship with him will just make you a slave to them also.

CatsInTheCradle