I've hurt my boyfriend and now he's distant
As the title said, I've hurt my boyfriend and now he's distant with me.
So we've got into a distance relationship since a month now, even if though we loved each other since a lot of months (I was the one who was taking her time). Recently, he was doing perfect efforts since I said I needed them, he was doing things very well but last week, we argued. At first, it was a simple argument but then I exploded. I started to get upset, blaming him for this, for that.
But it hurt him then.
Next day he said I should stop acting like : "I'll never come back" blabla, he tried to make up things for us, etc, but my behavior hurts him. I then explained that I said all of these under pressure, that I was mad, and of course I know he's doing great efforts but there are still some parts missing which hurt me, and I regret my behavior.
He then stopped talking to me for a few days, I saw him online on social medias still, ngl I'm scared he get a third party.
Then yesterday in the night, he replied again. He said again thag he is hurt, even if its normal etc, he is probably not doing enough. That he feels like he never makes me happy/he never does enough, that basically, he's a bad boyfriend to me. That's what he feels even if though he loves me and nothing will change that, he said. I replied once again, telling him that thats not about him being a bad boyfriend, he's amazing, and stuff, I complimented him, while saying that it's just some details that I want to improve but it doesnt mean he's bad for me. And yet, no reply. Ofc, while he's still active on social medias.
I don't know what to think now. I'm scared he might found someone else, or that he wants to break up. I dont know if I should give him some time, if he's going to come back for a happy relationship again or not... I'm worried, I feel bad, I regret my behavior :/
@CheesAnxiety
Take some time and decide what you really want and most important TELL him. if he is trying but not the things you need let him know if he keeps guessing wrong you will explode again i have been there.
I can relate that i have turned small arguments into an issue because i have exploded..... it is not about him doing things for you it is about doing the right things...... correct?
i have said to spouse same type of thing ...........he tries to do what items he THINKS i want and it misses the mark ............. i get mad i feel if he cared he would KNOW what i want or what i do NOT like etc.... but after hurting him several times i see it is me ......... I feel mad still that i need to give him a list or something to follow that does not feel helpful if he is just going down a list instead of being able to fulfilled my needs without specific instructions.
So i got mad exploded more then once and now he is gun shy that i will explode again ........ does NOTHING now afraid every move is the wrong one and it wants the whole thing worse....
so be honest ... be clear and forget the idea that we love each other he should KNOW what i want or need simply does not happen.
@toughTiger6481
Well the thing is that, here, he understood all I wanted. Thats why everything was going perfectly. However there are still some little things that Im sad about, that we already talked about (for example, increasing the amount of calls, but he said he can't because he's busy, so he can't find a time for a proper long time) but he sometimes call his friends to play videogames... But because we also sometimes argue and stuff, well since I exploded, I said all little issues that were inside or me which were not even as important, and now my bf doesnt want to talk to me because he feels like he isn't good enough for me.. even if I try to talk about it, since he's hurt, he doesnt reply until a few days..so I m just worried on my side :/
@CheesAnxiety
i understand they keep a distance and respond slowly my partner says he is never sure when i might snap .... but in the mean time the little annoyances like he has time to call friends but not you ect. add up again ..... it is never the big things that get me just the tiny annoyances adding up again and again
@toughTiger6481
Yeah so... But now, I'm very anxious because I'm scared there might have a third party... He was straight about it for months saying no, that's not his type. No, if there's a problem, he goes directly to me. But idk... Seeing him online a lot on social medias on his phone (since it's on phone), so thats not even a background app turning in the background... Gaining a new follower and follow back, but idk who is that person... I'm very scared if he might even come back.. :/
I understand your worries and concern ........ it is one of the reason many have quit social media .......
in general i had "friends" that i did not even know .... friends of friends or such. all mine were people playing online games etc and nothing odd but anymore i see all over this forum and else where people measuring relationships by social media ..... people who either insist on looking through another persons phone or worse yet trying to break in if they are password protected etc......
Put yourself in his shoes ........if he wanted to look at all your social presence and KNOW every person you may interact with....... kind of guilty until proven innocent..................that is not a solid foundation